It would take too long to explain the whole situation, but I have been divorced for 7 years. Contact between exh and the dc has been sporadic over the years, mostly happening when he wants it, cancelled when he has been busy.
Contact has stopped completely at times when he has been so abusive to the dc they have refused to see him. The last time was before Christmas when xh hit ds1 and we had to get social services involved.
The dc have taken a long time to want to see him again, this was helped by exh buying ds1 a very expensive guitar. Ds2 got bought one very recently.
What has happened though, to rebuilt relationships between him and the dc, he has only had them separately. Mostly ds1, who is his favourite, so much so that even ds1 proudly announces this fact. Ds2 feels like 2nd best and doesn't want to stay at exh and has to be brought back every time.
This situation is causing many problems, ds1 is mean to ds2, he has a feeling that he is better than him and treats him accordingly. He doesn't want to go to his dad's with his brother, I suspect because he will have to share the attention.
Exh doesn't cope with the two of them very well, he hasn't had both of them at the same time since contact started back up.
I have now said that they must go together, as I believe that the cause of a lot of our problems are due to ds1 feeling superior to his brother. I have no problem with one 2 one, but as an extra contact, I feel quite strongly that not only is exh doing his 'selective' parenting, but that it's not a natural situation to only see the other parent alone.
Exh doesn't work, doesn't 'help' (as he puts it), pays £5 a week and continually refuses to do anything unless I write off his CSA debt. I have asked him to have the boys for one week in the holidays, which he won't (unless I write off the debt).
What does anyone else think? It's not right is it that he only wants one child at a time, and because the younger one won't go on his own, it means he only sees that child?