Feeling so low and desperate, please help if you can

[Janos]

Sorry for going on but I have to get this out somewhere or I'll go mad.

Basically, my life is just a complete mess. Well, OK thats a bit overdramatic.

I am £29K in debt and yesterday I signed a Protected Trust Deed, which is essentially 1 step away from bankruptcy. It's the first day of the month and I have no money left whatsoever, in fact I'm already over my overdraft limit. This means I have no money to buy food, or in fact anything, for my DS.

I try and try talking to XP about maintenance but he just doesn't want to listen. He doesn't understand how my bills are so high. He says don't worry, things can't be that bad, he will see we are OK. I don't want charity, I want to able to live.

I phoned my Dad today to ask for help and he beasically told me wouldn't give me any money, and it was all my own fault. I burst into tears and got sent home from work, so they think I'm a complete idiot and a flake. I'm basically living from day to day. Thankfully I will be able to get some money tomorrow as I phoned up work and they are giving me money from the emergency fund tomorrow. I don't expect it will be much but at least I will be able to buy food. TBH, I'm gonna have to selling my stuff because I need the cash.

To top it all off my Landlord and Landlady came round today and told me how disappointed they were about the state of the flat. Not that important I sppose but after the day I'd had it just felt like another kick in the teeth.

Seriously, if it wasn't for my DS I don't know what I would do. I'm just about on the verge of tears as I type this wondering whats going to happen. I really feel as though I've just had enough.

Thanks for listening.

First thing, get on to the CSA. You're quite right, supporting his child isn't an act of charity from your XP, it's his duty. It's none of his business how high your bills are, it's his business to support his child.

Second, could you go to the doctor to get yourself signed off from work for a couple of weeks with stress so that you have time to sort yourself out?

Have you been already to debt counselling etc.? If not, could you make an appointment with the CAB who will put you on to debt counsellors who will help you make a budget of how you will cope financially once you are made bankrupt?

And with the state of the flat, what's the problem with it? Is it just a total mess from not clearing up or something? If you can take a couple of weeks off to go through room by room and chuck out all the stuff you don't need and clear it up, you will feel more positive and in control - if your environment is calm and ordered, you will feel calmer and more ordered as well. What area of the country are you in?

Caligula you echoed my thoughts, the CAB are brill on debt counselling and I think they have professionals to advise on this type of thing.

I have never been in this positon and can't begin to imagine what you are going through but didn't want you to think no one was around.

Thanks both of your for your replies.

I'm speaking to the CAB today, will hopefully get an appointment. Work have been good and let me have the rest of the week off so I'm going to try and get some stuff sorted out today.

Caligula, I'm in Edinburgh. CAB is just up the road from me so am off to see them.

Good luck with the CAB. Keep off mumsnet and get chucking and tidying!

Ah, the flats tidy now Caligula - I think it just wasn't up to their standards IYKWIM. They don't have children. Had a blitz last night, made me feel better :)

Oh, also have appt with the CAB.

Thanks again.

Blimey, you got it clean and tidy just this morning? It couldn't possibly have been a serious case then! I thought you were talking about a Kim and Aggie/ Anthea turner job!

God no. I mean the kitchen was a bit of a mess (dishes not done, not horrendous), and clothes lying on the sofa etc but nothing horrendoes. Def not Kim and Aggie!!!

untidy is completly different to being dirty. What right do the landlords have to complain at being untidy. People like that really drive me mad.

Hi,
Glad you managed to tidy up the flat for your own sake, but really it is not their business how you live as long as the physical structure, decor has not been damaged, they have no right to tell you that they are disappointed in the way you live. I'm not sure they can (legally) enter your flat either without your invite.

its good you have spokent o the CAB. they are great and can offer advice about beneifts you may be able to get, getting extra maintenance from you ex and also things related to housing.

i hope they were able to offer some helpfull advice and you feel more in control of things.

as for the landloards i would have told them were to shove it! how dare they say things like that?

my landlord rang me last week to tell me that one of my neighbours had made a complaint about teh state of my garden. rather confused i asked what he meant by "state of" and he said...wel the grass hasnt been cut!

this did not make me happy! i explained that for starters i was a single mum starting froms scratch with two kids under 5 one of which has SN and i had nothing...that i was more concerned about getting them bedds and a cooker thana fookin lawnmower!!! and that even if i was lady of te manor how one earth am i meant to cut the grass when it wont stop raining??

ooh i was so angry. he eventually apologised and said he coudl see that it was clealry ridiculous and he was taking no notice.

good luck