Another Friday Night ON MY OWN!!

[WKMum]

Apologies in advance, because I never usually do this, but I just really fancied a big old moan about being a single parent with no love life.

I work full time commuting into London and when I get home on a Friday night it's all a big rush to get DD to her various clubs and tutors then walk the dog and have tea etc. Then she goes to bed and I just feel so exhausted and ALONE. I would love to find someone just to share some adult conversation with and have a cuddle on the sofa.

I do have lots of friends who I see on alternate weekends when DD is with XH, but it's not the same. XH left over a year ago now and I just sometimes can see all the years of loneliness stretching out ahead of me and it all gets a bit much.

Anyway, I'm sure lots of people have it worse than me, I just felt really down tonight... sorry!

Dont be sorry, we all get lonely, and yep when i do i come on here and moan, me and my ex have been separated 8 months but only been living alone three, and i just try to keep myself busy. I was decorating til half ten tonight, i want to get it done by wednesday lol

People do have it worse, but sometimes you just need a chat, and here is a great place to do it.

Thanks Hon - I always feel guilty moaning but there are some nights when it just seems like the loneliness will never end ... Might have to take up decorating too!

I try to keep myself busy, it was deseperate to be done, the hallway is i need of doing and my bedroom me thinks. I ploan on doing the whole house this summer!! LOL. It does keep you busy and if not you can always come on here, or message me.

Thanks for the sympathy - just need a bit of encouragement every now and then! x

I'm alone too! Over a year single so know the feeling. Think I'm just used to been alone now, sounds sad that.

I think MN as helped pass a lot of time.

I suppose you do get used to it eventually, but I just can't seem to shake the feeling I'll be alone for the rest of my life and it really scares me sometimes. The first six months I was mainly crying and doing all the usual awful practical stuff like selling the house, downsizing, getting rid of furniture, etc. Then came the period of kind of liking being on my own - enjoying doing what I wanted when I wanted - but now, nearly 18 months on, I'm really feeling down about it. Don't fancy online dating, no-one at work, feel a bit old for clubbing ... you know how it goes! Oh well, at least I have Mr Wine Bottle! xxx

It's been just over a year and Monday will be the first time I do something for me. I'm going to a water aerobics class with a friend.

Best part is I can't swim for shit but I'm going to learn! It's just an hour a week but its time for me to be me.

Do you have any hobbies? You could join a club of some sort to meet people. I'm useless at advice tbh

I've been on my own for 13 years and it does get easier. In fact I rather like being single now and think I would find it difficult to make the compromises necessary to make a relationship work. Could you invite friends round for a glass of wine and a chat on a Friday? Alternatively would doing some chores distract you and then you can relax at some other time when you aren't so down?

When our children were a bit older we joined multigenerational clubs such as walking/cycling/skiing and there were a lot of social occasions. Not exactly the same thing as having someone to cuddle up with on the sofa but they provided a large network of life long family friends and quite a few people did find new partners in the groups.

Thanks for your kind words of support - good to know that it can get better. I am actually very sociable and usually see friends at least once a week, also at work have a great group of colleagues, so lots of grown-up time. I think it's just that I want to have the feeling of being special to someone ... I get fed up of being invited to dinner parties and being the only single person! Sadly, don't get much time for hobbies, really, as don't get home until 8:30pm (2 hour commute each way to work - eek! - but need the money). DD is 10.5, so I know it's only a matter of a few years until she's off doing her own thing. Am 'only' in my late thirties, so it feels like there's an awful lot of time alone ahead of me. Anyway, will stop whining now, but thanks for being there Mnetters!

WKMum,
I think you could be me :-) I know exactly how you feel

I have been doing on-line dating for about 2 years and I'm not going to recommend it as it's pretty soul destroying unless you have very thick skin!
Recently a colleague recommended 'Meet up' to me and it's worth checking out. The basic premise is that there are thousands of groups across the country where someone organises a 'meet up' for a shared interest -so there are groups for people to meet up who like climbing, chess, good food, badminton, socialising - basically anything you can think of. There are single groups as well but the ones I've been to have just been social groups and on the odd Friday night where DD is with her Dad, I've finished work (I'm also a full time London commuter) and I have no plans with friends I just turn up at one of these meet ups and I've had a really good night just chatting to new people. Because it's not a dating event the pressure is off but enevitably these meet ups attract more than their fair share of single people. I've not met anyone as yet but I've only been to a couple and I've also joined a local one to go out walking, cycling, pub lunches which I've yet to attend.

I know this doesn't help your Friday night loneliness when you have your DD but after getting so down about my lack of success on dating sites, the thought that there is something out there where I can meet new people which isn't dating related and is easy to do has really cheered me up!

Good luck

This is what took me a long time to get used to. I always thought I would love being on my own...never been so lonely in my life, despite tons of friends who are all fairly nearby and others I can talk to on the phone.

Then one day I just figured out that I had better get used to it. There are plus points after all...you can please yourself, watch whatever TV, etc. But I do know exactly what you mean. However, I do wonder if I had somebody to watch TV with, how annoyed I would get with them when they [fill in blank, but usually to do with wet towels!]

Life is never perfect I decided. And now I just watch a lot of TV. It won't be forever. Watch this space as I'll probably be sad and lonely on here next weekend!

I've been on my own for nearly 6 years now (been a couple of shags short-term relationships but nothing serious).

It gets better. I watch a LOT of telly and have a lot of early nights.

Oh and I lurk about on the internet too ;)

I'm still in the isn't it it great not to be with ex phase but I can see when the kids leave home it will be harder. What do you do when your daughter is with your ex?

This really hit a chord today. Met up with 2 friends who became single parents after me - been 3 years here- one is engaged and has moved in with her partner and child. The other has moved away from her ex, been headhunted for a fab new job and has started dating.

I'd love to meet someone, get a job and become me again but I just feel really stuck and just can't picture it ever happening.

Mmmm this sounds abit like me today. It is Sunday and am feeling quite lost really. I have been on my own for ages but usually taken care of my son. He has got himself a girlfriend and has started spending Sundays at her house.
It feels really strange and I havn't worked out what to do with myself all day!!
Sunday seems like a worse day as most friends with their other half's. I am just potting around, on the internet. Maybe I should get the paint out! lol
But yes totally get what you mean about being on your own and where to meet a new man. I am same age as you, and feel abit too old for clubbing too. Hope you are feeling better now though.

I understand where you are coming from and occasionally feel the same , have been single two and a half years.

Just watched the torch on my own (as it were) and walking home thought about this but then xh wouldnt have come anyway !!

Mostly much as the company etc of a relationship appeals all that goes with it does not

I was having a little moan about not having anyone to love me....boo hoo...when my friend....who lives in another country and only sees my life through Facebook said that it looked like I was having a fantastic life.

It made me take another look at my life and it really is good when I think about it....I go out to interesting places, have great fun with friends and my daughter. Also I know so many married women who really don't like their husbands at all but are stuck with their miserable situations.

Like I said...just having a positive moment, but I will probably be back for a pity fest soon! lol!

Yeah girls your right. Have got myself busy with washing and cooking now. The tennis is showing a good game too. Not usually one for watching tennis. Who knows could become a new enjoyment lol The quiet nothing much to do moments dont last long. I should learn to enjoy them. It is probably alien to me. If I think back 3 or 4 years I would of loved to have the day to myself. ...must be more positive.....

Thanks so much to all you lovely ladies who posted such kind message of support and sympathy. I'll look into the 'meet-up' suggestion, Fleurie76, which sounds interesting.

Like you, CiderPenguin, I have a couple of divorced friends who are now about to take the plunge to get married again and I must say it's making me feel the loneliness even more.

I know what you mean about trying to be positive, Fizzfiend, and I do feel upbeat most of the time and keep very busy, but even if I get a babysitter or go out when DD is with XH and have a great evening with my lovely girlie friends, there's just something so gut-wrenching about coming back to an empty bed and having no one to cosy up to and share the night with - even though I know there would be dirty underpants and wet towels on the floor of the bathroom in the morning!

This is the first time in my life I've actually had to face up to the prospect that I might well just end up alone for the rest of my life. Might have to get 19 cats and start hoarding rubbish!

Well, onwards and upwards!!

xxx

Just to make you all laugh and hopefully cheer you up a bit:

Yesterday, I was with DD and we were walking our dog in the local park. It was raining (of course) so I was wearing old jeans, wellies, old kagool with a rip in it - i.e. the usual glamourous dog-walking attire, I'm sure you'll agree!

Anyway, our dog got into a minor altercation with another dog and the other dog owner, who was a good 15 years older than me, dressed in similar scruffy garb and, without wanting to sound cruel, not much of a looker, came over to take his dog away and apologize and we chatted inanely for about two minutes - the usual platitudes - and then he walked off.

And DD turned to me and said: 'Just think Mum, that's the level of bloke who chats you up now!' Does it get much worse than that? Methinks not!!