XP threatening me via DD. WWYD?

[TequilaMockinBird]

Brief back story. XP hasn't seen or contacted DD (14) for 18 months now. He was never really interested in her. We split up in 2005 when DD was 7 and he did see her, when he could be bothered, and on his terms.

I've posted before about him being a fuckwit. He would tell DD he was at work whenever she wanted to see him, then she would ring work and it was his day off. He would then tell her he would be off on x day, and then would turn his phone off on that day so she couldn't contact/see him etc etc.

I never said anything but let her find out for herself what he was like. Took some great advice from here over the years and to my relief, about 2 years ago, it was like a switch flicked in her head and she realised he was in fact a dickhead.

18 months ago, she stopped ringing and txting him, to see if he would contact her (her choice). He didn't. No birthday cards, Christmas presents, texts, nothing. She now has my DH as a step-father and has said that he is 100 times more of a father to her than her own dad.

Now, tonight she passed XP in the street whilst with a couple of her friends. He said hello, she replied hello but carried on walking. He then asked was she ignoring him? She replied yes, and again carried on walking. He then shouted up the street to her 'tell your mum that she's going to get her face smashed in for doing this to us' . So it's obviously my fault that his DD won't speak to him! Yeah, right.

So, what should I do? I'm tempted to report to the police, or text him to say not to threaten me and that he's done all this himself. But DH says I should leave it. WWYD?

I should add, I left him because he was abusive and controlling. I wonder if he still thinks I'm frightened of him?

Anyone?

It's a tough one. My instinct would be to call the police, but would they be able to do anything and would it bring him back into your life? But why the hell should he get away with it?

I wouldn't text him, you'd just get abuse, wouldn't you? Although then at least you'd have something to take to the police.

How does your daughter feel? If she had a low opinion of him before, I bet it's gone through the floor now.

Your poor DD, and poor you. I think I would chat to the local police station about it to see what their advice would be. They could just put it on record that it happened in case there were any more incidents. I think I would want to send the message to my DD that behaviour like that towards her by ANYONE is not acceptable, and for that reason I don't think I'd just want to ignore it. She's young really, and however she appears to be handling it, being shouted at like that will have been frightening for her and most probably playing on her mind.

Yes, that's what I thought. I don't really think he'll do anything but maybe having it on record just in case, isn't a bad thing?

DD is still at her friends so have only spoken to get on the phone. She seems ok though. She said 'so yeah mum it's all your fault. He could've rang me, texted me or sent me an inbox on Facebook but no, it's all your fault'. No idea where she gets her sarcasm from

But yes, her opinion of him just gets lower and lower. Thankfully.

Well she sounds very confident, good for her!
I think the police can log a concern with necessarily following it up. But they may think this is a step too far and caution him - it's pretty nasty behaviour. I'm sure you could talk ask their advice about it all. Tell them that you don't want anything to escalate, but you do want it on record incase he does or says something else.
He sounds horrible (to put it mildly). I'd be livid if someone spoke to my DD like that.

I don't know if I want the police to actually do anything though. He's been out of both of our lives for so long now, do I really want to stir things up again?

DH says he wants a reaction and by doing anything I'll be playing to him. I just don't know

It can't hurt reporting it just so that it's on record. Then if nothing else happens then you can forget about it, but if he carries on being a dick then at least you have it on file.

Your DD sound like she has her head screwed on

I would text him and say its his own fault DD isn't interested in him, and not to threaten you (direct or through your dd)

But.... I'd also be tempted to ignore all...

Sorry not much help...

Speak to the police. They will probably be able to advise you. When I had problems with XP they were aware of the need to be diplomatic and didn't go charging in and stirring things up.

I don't know if I want the police to actually do anything though. He's been out of both of our lives for so long now, do I really want to stir things up again?

I think you should tell the police exactly that.

Yes, I'm very lucky that DD does have her head screwed on. A few years ago though, I never thought the time would come where she got wise to him.

I think you're right about saying exactly that to the police, at least it will be on file then. If he starts getting arsey again then the more reports the better, right?

I would put on file with police but not contact him in anyway -he is wanting a reaction and I wouldnt give it to him.

I think you're right Mumfun.

DD was a bit upset when she came in last night, saying she missed her Dad and she wished that he missed her .

I'm so fucking with him. We've had a peaceful, quiet 18 months or so without any contact, I might've known it wouldn't last

Another vote for the police. What a dick. DD must have been really upset. He's a bully - he needs to know his wankery is unacceptable.

I'd go to the police and just have a chat with them. That way, like everyone else has said, if he tries anything again at least it will be on record. Hope your DD is ok as I can imagine it must have brought up a whole host of feelings.

be aware police will report to SS as they have a duty to inform where welfare of child threatened - SS will then contact you and warn you your job to protect dd - very weird as really blame the victim action - I was shocked when happened to me after thtreats / abuse by ex.