Really struggling with antenatal appointments alone

[Salt14]

I'm really not sure how much more I can take. Have just returned from my hospital tour where I had to explain to a group of strangers where my baby's father was. I was mortified.

I unfortunately chose a very inadequate baby father & it was my choice to split soon after I found out I was pregnant, he has subsequently decided he doesn't want anything to do with the child & disappeared from the scene. (That's the short story).

I have some close friends but they are not around to come to appointments with me. My parents aren't very supportive either. I have had lots of complications so far with hyperemesis, gestational diabetes & low amniotic fluid. This has resulted in lots of visits to the hospital, extra scans & appointments. All of which I have had to go to on my own. I did NCT antenatal classes all on my own, that was hard, with everyone else's partner being present at every single one. Even at the NHS antenatal class I was the only woman there on my own.

Now I've just broken down. I've got another scan & consultant appointment tomorrow & not sure I have the strength for them.

Just looking for some support & if anyone else has been in this situation how they got through.

Thanks

Couldn't leave you answered but I have no experience. I have a partner but had to do most of my appointments alone and it really sucks.

You sound like you are nearing the end and it is natural to feel tired and low. Try and rest as much as you can. You will have your wonderful little baby soon and you will realise that you don't actually need anyone else.

I'm sorry your parents aren't very supportive - do you think that will change? A grandchild can have a startling effect on grandparents!

Good luck - look after yourself. And keep reminding yourself that there is a reason you split with him - you are better off as you are

hopefully this has bumped the thread for you!

Oh bless you, I had to do all the ante natal appointments on my own and it was rubbish but honestly don't feel bad its not unusual not to have a partner in pregnancy. Be strong have you got anyone in rl who can give you a bit of support?

:) thank you ladies, really appreciate your words of comfort & support. Just what I need.
My best friend has been wonderful & as supportive as she can but she is a single mum of two & works full time so is stretched to capacity as it is. She's hoping to be able to be my birth partner which I am so grateful for.
Thanks again

I remember this from my own pregnancy and at points it really did suck. I'd also second the above point that it's natural to be feeling a bit lower/more worried towards the end of pregnancy.

What I think may help is some distraction. Can you pack your bag with a good book/magazines/load your iPod with music for all of the waiting that is associated with appointments?

I always find that I'm far more likely to drive myself to distraction by over-analysing things if I have too much time to think, and hospital appointments are not known for their brevity!

It's great that you have a supportive friend to be a birthing partner. Not long now and you'll have your beautiful baby in your arms.

Best of luck for tomorrow Salt :)

Thankyou WinstonWolf Have popped Kindle in handbag all ready for the morning!

Hello lovely,
Been there and have the t-shirt, well more appropriately a beautiful 15mo DD.
I did most of it alone too, the antenatal classes and the Drs appointments, and I felt the loneliness too. BUT that's completely normal, especially in a hormonally charged time when your body's making something so wonderful and amazing. I'm guessing you must be fairly close to the birth now so it's all the more poignant. I'd be pleased to offer a bit of hand holding if you like? Drop me a PM if you'd like to chat and I'd be pleased to give you a bit of moral support.

PS, as if you needed telling but having my DD on my own was the best decision I've ever made and so much easier than I imagined it would be.

I did all the appointments by myself too though ex-P did deign to be present at the birth.

It really sucks doesn't it but as others have said focus on your baby. I used all the waiting time to catch up on reading, texting friends and the endless list making which helps me organise my life.

Also don't assume people are judging or even assume you're single. Lots of partners can't make appointments due to work etc. I also found 90% of the staff I encountered really supportive of my situation.

Hope the appointment goes well.

Hi Salt,
I split up with the father of my first child before I knew that I was pregnant and therefore went through it all alone. It was a long time ago, but I do remember lots of occasions when I felt desperate and tearful. My mother was with me for the birth but sat over the other side of the room not saying much so not overly supportive. I remember the dads coming in with flowers for their wives at visiting time on the postnatal ward and feeling so sad that I didn't have someone to do that for me. However, having my son was the best thing I ever did. My bond with him is diamond solid. I look back on those first days and weeks with joy and pride that I managed so well in difficult circumstances.

There are positives to doing it alone too. There are many dads that aren't as supportive as they could be to say the least. I have since had two more children with my now partner, but I must say, those first 10 years on my own with my first son are the most special of my life.

Yes I remember feeling like that. My NCT classes felt very cliquey. I made sure I did my hair and make up and wore my best maternity outfits when I had to face them!

I played a lot of games on my phone while waiting for appointments so I didn't have to look at any other happy couples (and actually there weren't many, lots of women struggling with older children though).

I was alone on Christmas Day in hospital after giving birth as DM went home to eat her Xmas lunch (!!) so things could only get better from that point, really.

You'll be ok, try not to worry. Best foot forward!

I am there right now. I really dont want to go to the antenatal classes etc but I figure as it is my first I just need to get on with it and build up a network of other mums for after the birth. Just think how strong you will feel when you come out the other side and you have done it ALL on your own. I have three months to go and can't wait to just hold DD in my arms and know that I did it all on my own as the spermdonor (cant call him a dad) wouldn't come to a single appointment, wont be at the birth or help out after the birth. His loss. He will never have the bond that I will :)

I know it's shit isn't it? I don't really know how I coped with it, being pregnant and alone was a massively upsetting, insecure and isolating time. It's put me off having another child ever.