How do you keep your patience?

[er1507]

Just wondering?

Marking place to see if anyone comes up with anything.
I find it really hard sometimes, when I'm branded the worst mum in the world, and couldn't-give-a-fuck-father is the hero of my house. :(

I read on another thread that a good coping strategy is to imagine you are being followed by TV documentary cameras, I'm trying that every time I remember to!

with difficulty at times

I try to just focus on dcs and that when they're grown up they'll have a different perspective on who's the hero etc and also remember how quickly it goes, sometimes I count how many years left of having to deal with exh and try to remember there's light at the end of the tunnel!

Patience with who? With DCs or the Ex? Or the school secretary (haha)??

Breathe

+I try my best to remember that my DCs learn from the example I set them. Sadly, because of the unbelievable amount of stress stbexH has put me through, it has sometimes been a bad example. I had a real wake up call when DD1 started copying me....However I'm moving on now and trying my best to compensate for my ever so crappy stbexH and do the right thing by my DDs so at least they have one positive role model.

"Rise above it and be the better person" is also a helpful mantra.

It does get easier as they get older.

With my ex I keep it strictly as business-like as possible. Ignore the provocations, ignore the dramas, keep to the point and do all negotiation over contact by email rather than face-to-face or by phone.

With my DCs, the secret is to smile. It's a weird psychological thing but forcing a smile can reduce tension.

Patience? Mine is definitely MIA at the moment.

Ex P is driving me crackers with his "laidback" approach to life and the boys seem to be having a lively few weeks.

Usually smiling and going off for a silent scream do the trick at the moment it's taking copious amounts of cake to reign it in

I agree with trying to behave as a role model. I don't want my kids to say mean and spiteful things so I don't, even if I think them.

I'm all they've got, really, so I constantly try to be the best person I can be. It's not bloody easy though but if I do screw up and lose my temper, I apologise. It's extremely draining though. I just hope it'll be worth the effort.

Yes hipster totally agree, always appologise, it shows it's ok make mistakes as long as you do learn from them and try not to repeat them. That's quite a good lesson for litle ones to learn isn't it?

Definitely, Goody.

And for us bigguns too - I'm getting there :)

Thanks for the replies...it def makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who hasn't got the patience of a saint. Exdp winds me up with his "laid back" approach to life too! seriously mate, get your act together and take some responsabilityyyyyy!

I dont tend to lose my patience with dd, she's nearly one and is far the tantrums havent started, however I do find myself getting annoyed when she decides to have a mad half hour when I put we down for bed and I'm already completely shattered and usually starving, and all I really want/need is for her to go to sleep.

I think I might need to learn to be patient with myself too cos ATM I'm mostly pissed off with myself for being so stupid and not splitting up from Exdp years ago! Now I'm always gonna have a connection to him.

omg I know what you mean re. the life-long connection!

Oh I have none, I am terrible but learning all the time.

I do the "rise above everything" then double check I doing okay with my mum, or support worker.

Oh I detest the life-long connection it makes me feel like removing myself from it sometimes tbh. but then I think of my boys and they need me to I have cut off from my life long connection person and intend to have it that way,okay so its not ideal on DC but its ideal for me.

He was/is an abusive fecker.

Well I saw on "the weight show" the other week that the majority of children lose contact with their fathers by the time they are 3/5 (can't remember which) and half of me reeaaallly wants this to happen! then I feel guilty cos i feel its selfish to think/want that.

Oh I don't know!

I Meant "the wright show"

I know what you mean, I think like this too, then feel bad but my W.Aid lady agrees with my thinking she said it would be better for my DC if he just went away rather than be the ad-hoc dad he is being just now, it would be less confusing for them.

Oh the fantasies I have about him just going away...a long way away.

If they are abusive, they don't deserve to be fathers, yet they seem to get away with it. I just don't get it.....My stbexH has well and truly put me on the floor, I once was a fantastic mum and am now a shaddow of my former self. Yet because it's all emotional abuse nothing can be done, I have no legal right to remove him from the house as he hasn't physically hurt me. He is hanging on for as long as he can as he needs me, I am his emotional punchbag, he doesn't want to go, because then he'll have no one to abuse....AND THIS MAN HAS PARENTAL RIGHTS!?!!?