I'm writing on behalf of a friend because he is desperate and misses his children. Quick history:- he separated from wife and she accused him of having affair and on the day she threw him out told the children 8 and 10 that he was leaving to be with another woman. (In the weeks leading up to this they had both spoken with the children and explained they were going to be separating and everything would be ok. The children although obviously upset did seem to accept this and seem to be dealing with it, in so much as they were asking questions and talking about it openly). Since the day he was thrown out he has not seen his eldest child as she has said she doesn't want to see him. She is angry and upset. She won't speak on the phone and her mum has said she won't force her. This is coming up to 6 months. The younger child also didn't want to see him, but following a mediation session it was agreed that there would be structured times he could come and take the child for something to eat and then return within 2 hours also a couple phone calls a week. This was a couple Of months ago and the first visit was great and child really positive with dad and they had fun. After that though he got a text from mum to say child came home very upset and it was awful for her to see her child distressed like that. Week later next visit child was visibly upset and saying didnt want to go. Agreed eventually and seemed to have a good time. Was relaxed and laughing. Since then relationship has deteriorated. When he rang child would say don't want to come and don't want to talk. He continued to ring and try and chat. Mum has said if child doesn't want to come she won't force it and doesn't bring child to door so they could even talk. This has been the status quo for the last couple of weeks, (including fathers day) where he has turned up twice a week only to be told my mum that child doesn't want to come. He has not got into confrontation with her but just put his head down and walked away. He is clearly devestated, the children are his life and before the split he was the main carer. He took them to school every day, made their meal meals nearly every day, took them to their activities. Basically was a huge part of their lives and the 3 of them were very loving. This situation can not be healthy for them and they must be very confused. He wants to help them through this but feels at a loss to what he can do. He will not give up on them and wants to know how he should deal with this situation. 6 months of no contact with his eldest is killing him and it is affecting his health. He is at the position where he feels he can not avoid court as he doesn't think the children should be put in the position of making the discsion as they are trying to protect mum and the fact that the youngest was seeing him and not the eldest, must have put a lot of pressure on. Also he has no confidence in mum moving this forward. All she says is the children aren't ready and he must wait. How will they be ready if he can't talk to them and explain and make things better. I think they are trapped in a vicious circle that is too hard for young children to deal with. Too much responsibility.
Sorry I've gone on! Please any advise