New half sibling for my daughter

[Bachelormum]

My daughter's father is about to have a baby with his new partner (or the other way around to be biologically correct). We are all very excited but I'm quite fearful my daughter is going to get hurt. While her dad loves her he's quite self absorbed at the best of times.

My daughter has already had a tantrum tonight and refused to speak to him as he told her he'd see her in the holidays (the baby is being born tonight and the holidays are two weeks away when she's due at his on the weekend ... go figure?). And previously, she drew a sad picture with a cloud over her head and tears and an angry mouth - i knew she was pissed - i thought the picture was beautiful, quite Picasso like actually - but it exposed her feelings of fear and vulnerability so much that my heart almost broke.

I'd love to hear other lovely mum's experiences on how to balance this - it's my next big task - it's never a dull moment around here ...

Oh and anyone got any ideas on what i should be - i'm not step mum ... i don't want to be great aunt ♥

You need to tell him that she is upset at the prospect of not seeing her dad for 2 weeks and not seeing her new sibling until he/she is 2 weeks old. He needs to realise how crap that situation is and arrange for her to meet the baby a lot sooner.

How old is she?

How about taking her to buy a little present or something for the new baby, so she feels involved and it gives her something to look forward to.

It's hard because I understand the need for space alone as a family with a new baby, but it's her half sibling. Is there a family member, aunt, grandmother etc, on XP's side who could perhaps take her for a short visit, just a few hours? It's very overwhelming with a new baby and they won't have much time for your DD at first which will be confusing for her, but it's just not the same as if a baby had been born in your household.

As for what baby will call you - probably nothing, either your name or

It'[s for your ex to sort out tbh. All you can do is carry on being a good mum!

acknowledge her sadness it is good she can communciate this.

and acknowledge that you cant do anything about it - all you can do is say yep it's a pain, but you willsee daddy and the new baby in two weeks - see look we can cross it off on the calendar.
now what shall we do together tomorrow? where would you like to go?

My DC had a baby brother recently. They were both quite excited about it and are enjoying watching the changes that he makes (smiling, grabbing things, sitting up, etc). I think it is up to your ex to make your DD feel included though. If he's a bit self-absorbed but not utterly thoughtless, you could try giving him a prompt as to how your DD is feeling.

Best if your DD can go for a short visit asap once the baby's back home. And then resume normal visiting times from the next weekend or so. Can you help her choose a new present or make a card for the baby? If she has or can borrow a camera, you could tell her to get her dad to take a photo of her with the new baby, then give the photo to her dad as a present.

I'm not really anything to the new baby. My DD was holding him when I picked her up the other day and gave him to me for a cuddle. He started crying because he didn't know me at all. Bit strange really that one - getting used to there being someone who is your child's half sibling, but no connection to you at all. When he's older I hope he'll know who i am at least and can call me either "DD and DS"'s mum or by my name.