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Original poster

really need some advice.

17 replies

circles · 27/02/2006 11:30

i have 9 month old dd, not with her dad he is a horrible person who treated me like shit. i wasnt with him long he messed me about didnt care about me or the baby, only seen her 2 times since she born when he felt like it.

he hardly ever made contact so started ignoring his calls because I do not want that for my dd. i think he is unstable he hasnt been diagnosed but he defo isnt right.

He is involed with drugs,crime and is a nop hoper.

he turned up friday late without warning, saying he wanted to see dd I told him where to go and he kept relentlessly buzzing at my door, i said i'd call the police and he kept doing it.

then my dp spoke through buzzer telling him to f off, then loser said he is going to come to my house with a gun and threatening to kill us.

i know a lot of people would think it's an idle threat but the fact is i'm quite scared.

he has acsess to guns and knows people that could do it if he didn'rt want to incriminate himself.

what do I do?

I live in a council flat i do like it but i want to get away somewhere so he doesnt know where i live.
will i get rehoused?

i don't particulary want to tell the police becaue im scared it will push loser to really do something.

im sorry havent been articulate to say the least but im typing fast becuase im emotional.
hope tghis makes sense.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 27/02/2006 11:39

Oh you poor thing, he definitely sounds unstable.
His threats may well just be empty ones, but at the same time it's not worth the risk is it?
Not sure who you should contact maybe another mumsnetter with more experience can help more with this...
In the meantime is there somewhere you can stay for a bit, somewhere you will feel safe (eg your parents?)

Caligula · 27/02/2006 11:42

You will not get re-housed unless it is on record that this man has threatened you. So you have to tell the police, I would have thought.

I'd advise you to phone Women's Aid - they have a helpline which can take you through all the options. They have loads of experience of women who have been threatened and are therefore in danger if they involve the police, so they may be able to give you some good advice.

\link{http://www.womensaid.org.uk/help/national_helpline.htm\helpline}

Auntymandy · 27/02/2006 11:43

I would talk to the police! Sorry thats not what you want to do, but you need to feel safe. They will advise you.

vitomum · 27/02/2006 11:44

hi circles. so sorry this has happened to you. i can tell you that if your safety is at risk where where you are you should be treated as a homeless person (even though you have a tenancy). your local authority will have duties towards you and these could include permanently rehousing you. to make sure that you legal rights are recognised by the council i would very strongly advise you to access some independant advice and advocacy. Shelter are the specialists in housing righhts. their website is www.shelter.org.uk. they also have a freeephone number you can get from the website and can arrange advocacy and casework (free) for you if the council muck you about.

vitomum · 27/02/2006 11:49

sorry caligula but that is not necessary true. it will help your case if it is on record but the council will have to look at all the evidence and that will include your 'expressed fears'. so circles do not feal that you have to go to the police first befire contacting housing. i would advise you to contact the police but understand why not people may want to do this. the council should be able to understand this too but tbh they may not. that is why independant advice and advocacy is very important in these sorts of cases.

Caligula · 27/02/2006 11:50

agree vitomum, sorry circles, jsut meant that in the first instance, no-one will take you seriously unless there's some sort of record which either means police or as vito suggests, advocate. Didn't know shelter did stuff like this, womens aid definitely do

Original poster
circles · 27/02/2006 14:48

thankyou for your replies. I'm so confused obviously I don't want to uproot us and have to live somewhere I don't like, but also I don't want him coming round to threaten me whenever he feels like it.

At the moment I've been having a think about things and also see if he does turn up again. In which case i will stay with at my dp's mums house untill i can sort out housing.

I would go for a mutual exchange because im sure that would be quicker than going on the waiting list, but the problem there is I dont want the person who moves here to tell him where I've moved to.

I just want him to leave us alone. There is no way I will ever let him have contact with dd, he threatens to bring a gun to my house, she's not safe anywhere near him.

OP posts:
vitomum · 27/02/2006 18:14

circle, a homeless application is different to both a waiting list and mutual exchange application. it carries with it the right to temporary accommodation whilst alternative permanent housng is being sought. yes, the temporary accommodation might not be something you wnat but you could refuse the temporary accommodation without losing any right to permanent rehousing. i.e. you could chose to sit it out where you are. a homeless application get priority over the waiting list and as such should lead to a quicker offer than a waiting list application would. please talk this through with a specialist housing advisor in your local area.

vitomum · 27/02/2006 18:15

should have also said - see a solicitor about interdict and exclusion orders etc. some of these have powers of arrest attached - if he comes near you he is arrested.

HappyMumof2 · 27/02/2006 19:05

but if you are a council tenant you can't get go down the homeless route as the council consider you intentionally homeless as you have given up a tenancy. They only have a duty to house you if you are genuinely homeless, which you wouldn't be.

HappyMumof2 · 27/02/2006 19:05

personally I wouldn't put my kids through that!

Original poster
circles · 27/02/2006 19:53

Thank you vitomum for all your advice you know a loot about it are you in this area of work?,

I didn't realise I could choose not to go into temporary accomodation. yet still be rehoused.

I will talk to a housing advisor, do I find these at cab?

happymumof2 - I didn't think it was classed as making yourself intentionally homeless if you are being threatened with violonce and harrassed where you live.

I hope it isn't because I don't know what I'd do in that case.

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 27/02/2006 19:59

I spoke to housing about this a couple of weeks ago, due to problems with my ex. He said it would be classed as intentionally homeless unless there had been actual physical violence/police reports etc

vitomum · 27/02/2006 20:03

hi circles. yes i have worked in the housing advice field, but in scotland not england. the legislation is broadly the same but i do not want to be too specific because there are some differences - so see someone local. happymumof2 you are wrong. if you cannot reside somewhere safely you are homeless. and i don't think circles wants to 'put her kids through that'- the point is she may have no choice if their safety is at risk.

vitomum · 27/02/2006 20:04

also meant to say, circles you can get a housing advisor at the cab but try and access one through SHELTER - they will have more expertise.

HappyMumof2 · 27/02/2006 20:05

maybe in Scotland, but in England if you have a permanent tenancy and can not back up your claims of violence then you are viewed as intentionally homeless.

vitomum · 27/02/2006 20:07

happymumof2 cross posted - sorry to hear about your trouble. please get independant advice and advocacy as basically a lot of housing officers do not know their arse from their elbow when it comes to homelessness legislation and will tell you any old rubbish to fobb you off.

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