What do you wish you'd included in your parenting agreement.... ?

[Ithinkineedtogrowapair]

Or discussed / laid down some ground rules on?
Just finalising mine and also want to have a kind if list with ground rules... Eg on new partners, how to communicate on schools etc...

Never had one!!! Is it a bit like a birth plan that all goes to pot when reality kicks in!!!???

The only thing thing that we agreed when he left was the amount to money that he needed to pay and when he would visit. Everything else was to be worked out along the way so to speak...the DC's are small so I/we base it on what they need and want (from an emotional point of view that is...).

The behaviour of the children and how they should be disciplined was completely under my remit anyway by the time he left so that also continues (he is ridiculously strict).

We've never had a formal one. But things that we've realised the need to have clear rules on include:

• Possessions between houses (ie which things you have in each house and which things the kids are allowed/expected to take between houses)
• Changing routines - what we've ended up with (after some effort and a few arguments) is broadly that we are both responsible for ensureing that the kids are looked after according to the rota we set out. We can both ask the other to have them for extra times, or can ask to have them for extra times, but the other person doesn't have to say yes.
• We will both do what we can to support the other one's work comittments - eg having the kids extra if needed (this is really, really important to me as I'd have strugged to keep my job otherwise)
• Communication from schools. We both look in book bags daily and pass on information to the other parent as soon as possible (in theory, or rather this is what I would like to happen...), and sign up to the schools webmail facility
• Amount of money paid, and what this covers. In our case ex pays the amount that CSA calculator on webpage says (which we should be reassessing each year but don't) and then I buy everthing except food when they are at his. But if your ex is better off than mine, or you are poorer you might want to load it a bit differently and expect him to contribute for school uniforms, trips, etc
• A regular opportunity to meet to discuss anything relating to the kids. We used to do this monthly, now it's more like every half term. We finalise the dates when we are each having them and it's also a chance to discuss things such as how they're getting on at school, strategies for dealing with bad behaviour, etc. It's very nice to do this if you are amicable enough and improves our parenting, I'm sure.

the thing I'm most glad we have in ours is a date for when we will next meet, just the two of us, to review things. Then the agreement stands between the meeting we've just had, and the next date in the diary... The actual agreement is typed, printed and signed by us both after we meet. Pretty formal, yes. But saves misunderstandings or he said/she said stress.

Good point about the regular meetings ....
Expect many bits will go to pot but think worth trying!

People often argue about contact between times, if the child can have web cam, skype chat etc on with images so the non resident parent in a sense is in your home but only include that if it might be a problem.