Mummy, i want to go home.... home do you deal with childrens upset?

[isitreallythattime]

My ds, dd and i moved out over 3 weeks ago due to relationship breakdown. Ex frequently visits children and we are trying to remain amicable/friends. Problem is my ds (5yo) frequently gets upset and bed time and starts crying saying i want to go home now mummy, can we go home now, i dont want to stay here any more.
I am trying to organise buying a new house to settle in properly that is close to school and ex but it is taking its time. How do you deal with this upset as it is breaking my heart. I am so close to just packing up and going home for sake of childrens upset but i know this will cause confusion and future upset. Anyone managed to deal with this? I have tried to explain why we are not at home and that our home is where we are living for now but hes not having any of it. In fact he said the other night he didnt care mummy and dad argued but just wanted to go home. God this is hard : (

It is very hard, and also unusual for a mother and children to move out of the family home, things must have been very hard for you to do that.

My friend had to do this as her ex locked himself in the attic and was threatening all sorts of awful things so she took the kids out of the house and into a rental property for 6 months. She was able to return to her house once her ex had sorted himself out and moved out properly, is this an option for you at all?

I'm sorry, it must be heartbreaking for you to hear your DS so upset.

So you haven't bought a house yet? Why not get the children involved in the house viewings? My kids loved looking round at houses and got excited at imagining all their things there and choosing their room. You can turn it into an exciting game and then each time you have a viewing you can sit together in McDs or somewhere similar and discuss it over a milkshake.

Also, take him to B&Q and start planning the decor for his brand new bedroom. Make it all as exciting as possible.

My kids have moved around with us a fair bit and it's hard as they are always the newcomers, but they still get excited when looking around houses and imagining themselves there. They also loved it when we bought this house as they had a huge say in the decor of their bedrooms and even helped paint them.

Stay strong, you know that in the long term this is better for your future and theirs.

It is hard in the short term but it will be worth it in the long run, the children will be much more settled.

Just keep reassuring them that mummy and daddy both still love them lots and that it wasn't their fault, and also, that it's okay to be upset, to miss dad/the old house/whatever and that they are allowed to talk about it.

I think that we (as women in particular) feel so much pressure to make a relationship work (esp when kids are involved!) that if it doesn't work out we feel massive, disproportionate amounts of guilt. If you imagine a situation where you had moved house because you wanted more space, needed to save money, or some other reason and your DS was saying he was sad and missed the old house, you wouldn't feel guilty about it, you'd empathise, say something like "It's hard when we have to move on to new places and leave old memories behind, isn't it?" and then bring in some positives about the new house, get him involved in choosing decor etc as Rhubarb says to try and excite him about it, and similar if you hadn't split up with your ex but e.g. he had to go away on a long trip for work or something - you'd sympathise and give him some options, e.g. being able to ring dad whenever he wants or put some pictures up in his room or focus on "You can see him really soon, on X day"

If bedtime is a particular trigger, try changing the bedtime routine as it might be it reminds him too much of what things were like before you moved.

does your ex visit them at your new place?
if so that needs to stop it is too confusing for them.

and what bertie said

Kids DO want their parents to be together, you can't get away from that. It takes time, you have to accentuate the positives & explain that sometimes the things we really want we can't have. It's hard!