on edge when waiting for ds to return home with father

[peppapiglet]

does anyone else feel this way?
My exH shouted at me yesterday when i dropped ds off for his overnight stay (in front of ds who is 4)
He returns home in an hour and i am on edge. My exH hates me and i get very nervous and do not respond to him, but i do not want this for ds. He tells me nothing eg does not tell me where they have been, if ds has eaten or what he has eaten. I do normally ask but after yesterday i just want the handover to be as quick as possible, no horrible looks and bullying behaviour. how do i deal with this. I am feeling particularly vulnerable as just split up with new partner, who yesterday was EA towards me aswell :-(

Does it bother you that he hates you? Do the handover quickly but only focus on ds giving him a big hug and asking if he had fun. then just leave it at that until ds offers up the info. A good dad would not have any problem with being civil towards you on handover. he seems to have issues which are no longer your problem. you are in a vulnerable posistion at the moment re splitting up, this will be upsetting for you. But if your exh picks up on this he will go for the jugler don,t let him just ignore ignore ignore..... hugs to you.

thanks bongobaby, for some reason it still does bother me. we have been separated for 3 yrs, only just divorced as of mid April. perhaps the new partner was a distraction, although met him after 2 yrs separation. I felt through that relationship i had to be answerable to my exH. The relationship was not right at all and im pleased it is over although i am upset. exH still drives past my home. i guess i just need to build up strength again. i have always been reasonable with exH, awful when you dont get anything in return. half an hour to go. i wont make eye contact, think i just look at ds and stand back

only your ds are you answerable to.don,t as hard as it may be let your exh have some sort of hold over you,making you on edge and nervous. its an awful pacing up and down butterfly moment in your tummy waiting for the drop off to come, I know.
You are doing all the right things in being reasonable in contact. Why does he feel the need to drive past your home? Thats the best thing to do in not making any eye contact. He is trying to belittle you by not engaging in conversation about what is normal around ds. You are strong keep telling yourself that. remember an absolute massive hug for ds when he gets back, will make mummy forget her edge feeling. Let me know how it goes am here for you.

thanks bongobaby, i really need to have more thought as to why i feel he has a hold over me. it is so unreasonable of him to shout in front of ds. went with ds to choose fathers day card/ small gift yesterday and exH said he wanted nothing from "me" aggressively. makes me so sad ds chose the present and exh didnt acknowledge this in front of ds. 10 mins to go

Totally not good for him to shout infront of ds, but its just him trying to exert his anger which he obviously still has towards you. You shouldn,t feel sad that you went beyond your call of duty in getting the present and card, but you should be thinking how sad he is for the way he reacted to you wanting nothing from you aggressively, how damn childish is he? Next year maybe ask ds if he would like to make daddy card/present. Then it takes away from you. worse thing you can do is doing the final countdown, you are only working yourself up to his sillyness. you are better than that.

Too late now, but is there a friend who could either come with you or deal with this for you? I've done this for SIL and would do so again, either for her or a friend. It's not a big thing to ask imo.