Dealing with exhaustion when kids are little and there are no lie ins.

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Woken up by youngest DC at 5am. This is an hour and a half earlier than usual. I am so tired and irritable today. I hate taking it out on the kids.

I took them both down stairs at 6am and got them breakfast, put on a DVD and said I was going back to bed and not to disturb be unless one of them was hurt.

Youngest came up to me at least 4 times and elder once. Each time I tried to stop my blood from boiling. I just need some fucking sleep!!!!

Ex moved out 2 and a half months ago and still hasn't found himself his own place. So he never has them over night unless I go away from the house over night. Which I am increasingly uncomfortable about as it really feels like my house now, and certainly my bedroom.

Today ex will be rocking up at at about 11.30am after he's been car shopping. His car has died and so he's going to use his bonus to buy another one. He's upgrading from a fiesta to a BMW.

Just tired and ranting, sorry.

Also upset at certain friends that I thought I was really close to. But now don't seem to have any time for me. When my life is upside down. I think I'm doing too good a job of making out I'm fine. Friends all have their own problems and I get that. But aren't we supposed to support each other? I have energy for my friends woes too. Gonna speak to one in particular today.

I think re friends you need to be clear and ask for specific help. Eg can you come over for two hours and mind the DC while I nap?

DS is 4 1/4 now and I finally got my first lie in ever last week (have been a single mum since his birth), so I know just how knackering it can be. Top tips - go to bed at 8.00 if you get the chance. A few nights of going to bed yourself as soon as the children are settled works wonders. If they disturb you in the night out of habit (rather than not well/bed wetting, etc which require comfort) you may have to do instant return or a bit of CC - better that than a fractious snappy mother during the day, I reckon. (I find the really awful thing about being woken in the night is DS magically seems to catch me in a really deep sleep which disturbs my sleep patterns so badly I then can't get back to sleep for 2 or 3 hours). And if you can occasionally use child care as a way of having a nap, do so. And it does eventually get better, honestly.

Oh, and re. friends - I remember a phase of feeling really lonely. So I planned my social life for about 2 months in advance, booking up friends to come for either Saturday or Sunday lunch every week for 2 months (not both days, that would have been too much). It built up a kind of "reserve of credit" which meant that people started inviting me back to theirs. But it can be very lonely because with the best will in the world, friendships once you have family commitments work differently from single people's friendships. You can't spend a whole evening till 2.00 am listening to someone's woes because you have to have sleep and emotional energy for your family. (Note the following applies when you're a bit down, not when you're clinically depressed). I find I have to remind myself of this and take a step back and keep my demands on my friends a bit more superficial. This can be very hard (for instance my lovely mum died when DS was only 3 months, and a bit of me feels like I've never had a chance to grieve), and I'm not sure it's entirely healthy, but it is the reality of British social life and friendship post children, I think. The trick for me is to fill life with enough superficial social stuff that I don't really have time to worry about it. And I do have one friend I can talk to pretty openly - though I do try to remember that she too has commitments and worries and time limitations.

Should I be getting ex to take the kids out for the day so I can sleep or should I get out and see friends? I never know what's best.

It is exhausting, I feel guilty for still being in my gown right now, the baby was awake in the night and oldest woke me at 5.50, I was gutted, it feels like my life is governed by the law of sod, all of them have slept until 8am before, why not this morning!!!. I usually go and lie on the settee so at least I am there and I can doze for a bit.

It's not ideal, but my ex-p sleeps on the sofa at mine for his visit days, he tends to the night wakers and I have a very long lie in, he does that every other weekend or so.

Sleep is my most important thing at the moment, if I'm seeing friends the next day then I get to bed extra early and plan for ex-p to be here so I can lie in, it's so unspontaneous though. Some friends are ok with that and some are not...there isn't much that I can do about that at the moment though.

The other thing that I had to do pretty early on is contingency plan for lack of sleep/illness whatever. I (try to) never run out of cheese, baked beans or baking potatoes (easy effort free meal on hand). Always have a stock of UTH milk in the cupboard and bread in the freezer for days when I have been to tired to get out to the shop.

It's exhausting though, people keep saying 'I don't know how you do it', if only they could see me on a bad day!

It gets better as they get older though apparently!?! Meanwhile it's redbull and under eye concealer all the way.

i can totally get how you feel,my ex never has the children overnight (been gone 18 mths now),the woman he lives with seems to not want my children,just their dad so only time he sees them is on sunday when she works.

It is exhausting and very hard not to feel very angry at the ex,he is living the life of a young man with no responsibilities but there's nothing i can do about it so try to push bad thoughts out of my head (doesn't always work!)

I think you have had some great advice here re-going to bed early etc...one thing i have done is found myself a good babysitter and when i can afford it i go out which really has improved my life...take care and remember what a great job you are doing in difficult circumstances x

I have trained them to stay in their room. dd is exceptionally well behaved though so this may not work for all childrren. ds is kept up a little later and then sleeps in. he is still in the same room as me and has been taught to stay in his bed with some toys. I think I am really lucky to have children who will do this. ds is not so compliant at othe times though, but I am fotunate to get lie-ins.

have you tried a stair gate on their rooms? even if they can get out, it is a reminder that they stay in their rooms til up time.

do you childen nap? if so sleep when one/both nap. put the oldest child in a child proofed room. while you have half an hour. you could keep special toys for this time.