Divorce settlement - what should I ask for?

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Am in the process of going through a divorce and trying (if possible) not to incur solcitors' etc. costs. We're still talking and fairly amicable so are able to at least give our opinions, thankfully, although not seeing eye to eye.

I've tried the CSA calculator, but want to know what else the courts might take into account in terms of non-child support maintenance, or whatever other terms it might be. I.E. what money should I be looking for in total ...

We own a house together which we have tried unsuccessfully to sell. It is currently being rented out for less than the mortgage payments and pil are meeting the shortfall. x is trying to use this as a lever but I pointed out that we still legally own half the house each no matter who pays what in the meantime (I have every intention of paying pil back my half of what they've paid out when the house is finally sold). It's at the other end of the country from where we both work, having moved last year, so no good to either of us as a home.

x takes home £2500/month, me £865. He lives with new partner and shares rent and other costs with her. Owing to my low income and working in London, I live with my parents, although if I had enough money I wouldn't. I do get tax credits but I wouldn't rely on them atm as what I am entitled to seems to vary with every new governement initiative.

We have one dd. She stays with him 2 nights a week but since she is only 2 there are no real costs in terms of school etc so nothing to argue about there.

He is offering £600/month in total but I don't know whether or not this is reasonable/whether I would get any more going through the courts (he has made it clear that if I don't accept his offer and it goes to mediation/courts, then if a lower amount is awarded that is what he will pay, no more). I've looked at other threads/the CSA calculator, but my problem is that I don't know what else I might be entitled to apart from basic child support. Anything?

From my pov, I took a low-paid, part-time job on the understanding that, as a couple, we had agreed that it would be better for dd to have more time with a parent (we had both been working ft from when I returned from mat leave to when she was 18 months) and that dh's income would make up for the shortfall in mine. Also, his job came with a house which we have lost because of the break-up. So now I am still in the same position but he has chosen to leave and so forced me to rely on my parents' support.

Sorry for the rant. I am well aware that a) many people are worse off
b) I am not exactly painting a positive picture of myself here but I'm just trying to give an accurate background
and c) The courts don't care about my emotions, they just want to decide what's financially fair.

With that in mind, could anyone who has trawled through this enlighten me as to:
what assets etc. the courts might take into account (house, savings, new partner's income ...)
What money I might be entitled to apart from child support
Whether you have any wisdom as to how to word the arrangements, e.g. should we put something in about covering school costs in the future (she won't be going to a fee paying school, but uniform, trips and so on)?

Any help appreciated. I really don't know what to expect or what to do.

Thank you.

Due to the amount of days DD is at your exs this lowers the maintanence rate alot. Mean you would only get around £62 a week!
Snatch his hand off at his offer, you will never get more than that!
CSA maintenance will tell him how much they recommend he pays so I'd avoid using that route incase he then retracts the £600 offer.
Any benefits you get will not change due to maintanence. Its unaffected. Any maintanence is a bonus, on top of anything else u get from the governement.
New partners income doesn't come into it. If they are claiming tax credits together, that will though.
As you took a low paid job you could enquire about spousal maintanence.
I would suggest him paying a percentage to expensive trips. uniform should be included in the maintanence... spesh if he is offering £600 a month! I get £61 a week atm! And next month, nothing!

Would take the £600 if I were you. On top of tax credits, child benefit plus your earnings you should be ok. There's not really any more you are entitled to in the sense that you can force out of him (unless spousal maintanence is awarded from your divorce) CSA amount would be 15% of his net income minus 2/7 for having dd overnight so about half what he is offering.

There are various issues. When you sell the house is that enough for a clean break? Courts prefer clean breaks. We had one on our divorce (my children's father got 60% of our joint assets with no on going maintenance from me - I earn more than him so it was that way round). Clean breaks mean that you divide your capital and apart from children neither adult gets payments from the other for themselves. They are clean and probably morally better and also mean you can each move on. Most people cannot afford them as one earns too little and the lump sum from the division of assets is not enough.

What you both want is certainty so once you agree your terms get the court to seal it (a consent order) which means the finances are decided. If it is not a clean break then you or he can apply to the court later to vary the amount paid to the other spouse. If it is a clean break then once the house is sold you split the proceeds in whatever % you agree less the loan from the parents in law (and your % may be higher than his by the way if you earn less and need to house a child so do consider seeing a lawyer about all this) and after that clean break the only money paid is CSA rates for the child depending on who the child lives with and how many nights with the other parent.

I do not think here unless you can get a full time job (I worked when all my babies were young and it certainly paid off so it may be your getting back to full time work and you and he spilttling nursery cost 50./50 is one solution) you can afford a clean break here even after the house is sold. In that case until you remarry or cohabit he may have to pay support to you. I would split it out into what is paid for the child and what for you.

It is going to be something like 15% of his net after tax income for the child less nights spent with him. Separately as you earn less than he does and given he thinks he can afford it at present he is proposing also to make payments to you even though your housing needs are met at yhour parents, his parents are paying your half of the mortgage and you work part time and have an income from that and tax credits and presumably you also keep the child benefit. I think you are doing quite well with £600 a month from him. Perhaps also look at going back to full time work to make things easier and do sort out the legal side. It may be worth reducing the price at which the house is on sale to get that sold and over and done with. If you remarry or cohabit that part of his payment which is for you and not the child will cease. If he and not you has a pension you can also get ap ension sharing order over his pension. Often a pension is the biggets asset there is. Then at 67 you can draw on that.

There are no assets so I think £600 a month in return for you signing the house over to him would be fair as his PIL are contributing to the mortgage & you're not. He doesn't earn enough to give you spousal maintenance. Have yo0u any savings?

Do NOT sign over the house in exchange for £600 a month. Terrible advice RedHelenB Go and see a solicitor and get advice to protect you and your dd. He does not need to know. fwiw £600 a month in maintenance in a court approved deal is pretty good. Get back to work asap. And yes remember his pension...but you may also have one.

I didn't say to do it she asked what seems fair!! The house has NO value as it is in negative equity & she doesn't live in it.

Where does she say it is in negative equity?

Well if there's equity the best bet would be to sell & or her ex take over the mortgage & give her the equity. In that case though I doubt he would want to pay more that the CSA in maintenance.

I'd jump at £600 if I were you. The CSA would slash that, so take it before they're involved.

Hi everyone, thanks for your responses.

There are no real assets apart from the house. We shared a car but I've let him have that as it's still on a purchase plan and I can't afford the repayments. The house is not technically in negative equity, we just can't sell it at all at any price! I think I'd be happy to just have it sitting there for now (with a tenant when available) and split it 50/50 when it's eventually sold.

Looks like I'll take the £600 while it's on offer!

Yes, take it whilst you can. He might also like it if the £600 went on some specific things for the child and prefer to pay those direct which I think can help the absent parent be happier to make the payment (eg happier to pay a chidl's university fees but not give the cash to the mother to hand on etc). Anyway take the £600. You can look at nethouseprices.com to see what houses have recently sold at where your house is to get an idea about whether it's worth keepig the house or not. Do not sign any document or clean break order until you have seen a solicitor. Do check he earns what he says he does.

My ex and I split the house equity 66/33 in my favour. He has a (very) high paying job and I would not be able to afford the deposit on a new house otherwise. I explained it was one third for him, me and DD!
I also get 20% of his net salary (inc bonuses!) until DD is 18 or leaves tertiary education and he has to give me a copy of his P60 each year as the payments are based on this - I cant imagine his now wife likes that much! We adjust the payment every June based on the P60. Compared to most, I know of lucky I am.
We left the pensions alone as his is much better than mine but I got more of the house and a good monthly payment instead. We agreed the deal ourselves and to be honest I just told him what he would pay me. I was so bloody livid that he had walked out on us for OW out of the blue, that I don't think he dared say no! My inner tyrant just rose to the surface!
The 600 sounds good but how is the payment going to be calculated in future?

yes, you need to allow for future changes which is what a lawyer would do on a binding settlement agreement/consent order. It sounds like littleblue got what my husband got (as he was the lower earner - sometimes genders are reversed where women earn a lot more than men which of course they often do these days).

We agreed on £600 to rise in proportion to his salary, and based on what people have said here I also asked him (and he agreed) to write in that he would pay at least a third of future costs for DD. I have yet to see how he has actually worded this and if I will go with it.

It's a good idea to demand the P60 every year as proof, I think I will ask for that too.

TBH, I don't think I'll bother about pensions. We were only married 4 years so it's probably not worth digging all that up and, in any case, if all goes well I plan on becoming a nun once DD has grown up so I won't need a pension! Weird but true!

thanks again for the ongoing advice.

1/3 of all costs of what?

Surely that £600 a month should have a line under it, i.e. no other payments expected unless he wants to make them?

sounds like a reasonable monthly income - Im currently getting nothing and supporting 3 small children - ouch! - would'nt agree until you get proper legal advice just in case - what if you agree, then he changes and no written/legal agreement to enforce?/ can you get increases in years to come (inflation etc) - would'nt want an informal agreement myself as men slippery and laible to change in my enormous experience - best of luck!

You are earning substantially less than him so it would be only fair for you to get a bigger proportion of the equity when the house is sold, you can also ask for spousal mainteinance on the basis that you at some point sacrificed your career for the sake of his (if and only if you did) but bear in mind that convincing the court about this can be far more expensive than the total of whatever you will get in the future for it.

I do think however that his offer of child maintenance is very generous but bear in mind that if you sign everything to him on the basis of that maintenance, he can go down to the csa specified amount as soon as he wishes (or in a year, if you get a court order to formalise that).