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Dad's discipline........getting used to it

4 replies

scottishhaggis · 14/06/2012 15:14

My son's Dad is fairly new on the scene. My son was 6 (yest) and is current in foster care due to the anxiety his Dad's reappearance caused me (long story!)

We took him out for dinner yest. His Dad had cause to discipline him as he was messing around at table and continued, despite warnings from both of us.

His Dad then told him, very firmly, that he wasn't going to tolerate any nonsense at all. DS carried on, so his Dad took him outside by the hand and talked to him. When they came back In, DS was a little subdued but ok until he saw me, then he started crying.

I asked his Dad what he'd said to him and he told me. His Dad said.......,"DS, do you think I'm stupid?" "then do you think I'm going to put up with this behaviour" "listen to your Mum and do what you're told"

Now, his Dad was backing me up and always does when we spend time together.

Within 5 mins, they were heads together doing a puzzle and laughing and joking and everything was normal.

However, I can't sto thinking about it. It feels very strange to hear someone else discipline him. We seem quite similar in discipline, with the exception he's a bit firmer than me. We spoke about it at length and he praises me a lot on the job I've done bringing him up.

His Dad has 3 older children and takes the same approach with them. He and DS have a great relationship and bond.

Eek, I agree with what his Dad said.......but want to forget and accept it.

Any advice :-S

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purpleroses · 14/06/2012 17:24

Sounds normal to me - my DD is 8 but still disolves into tears sometimes if people she doesn't know well tell her off. She seems so bouncy and confident most of the time that whoever it is rarely sees it coming, but she just gets really unsure how bad she's been when she doesn't know the person well. Your DS will probably relax a bit as he gets to know his dad better - esp if you and he give him clear boundaries and consequences for when he's broken them.

Just hard for you I guess to get used to someone else being in charge of him.

scottishhaggis · 14/06/2012 19:05

Thank you for your reply.

It's just hard getting used to everything, that's all. It was a shock to hear a man disciplining him as I've never had that before.

What he said was reasonable but it's very new

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scottishhaggis · 16/06/2012 19:25

Any more advice as I'm pretty worried and stressed about it, maybe cos it's so new?

I asked my DS yesterday if his Dad has been nasty and he said yes! Then later he said no and told me he'd just been a bit loud!

I TOTALLY put words in his mouth - a child's definition of nasty is vastly different from an adult's!! Sad

I'm now worried that his Dad will find out about our conversation and that I asked DS whether he'd been nasty to him.

I'm pretty happy with the way his Dad disciplined him. I feel uncomfortable with it because it's new.

I've been thinking and know that I can be quite hard on DS.......when its needed (the other day he did need it)

Is there any way of rationalising it and coming to terms with it?

It's all new and I'm stressing :-S

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scottishhaggis · 16/06/2012 21:11

Anyone?

Even to tell me I'm being an idiot?! Lol

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