Please help me make a decision I cant make it alone!

[happyhappymummy]

Im a single mum to 3 children and this september my youngest starts school.
Im a stay at home mum. I find it hard being at home.
I have no qualifications and no proper working experience as I have been home with my children.
I so want to work but as a single parent need a good income as I cant rely on the ex as he has completely turned his back financially. He pays maintenance, very little. So much has happened over the last 2 years, I cant ever rely on him for anything.
I have the opportunity to study in september but Im unsure what to do. I have always wanted to be a midwife but never thought I was academic enough. Iv looked into an access course and it seems pretty intense.
Iv also looked into beauty therapy but people say Im too old. Im 34. They say its about getting a job at the end that matters, which it most definitely is as this is my last chance to study. I have to work after as I will have a mortgage to pay.
I know it should be my choice but I just want to make the right decision. I honestly dont know what to do. If I could work tomorrow I would but with my background no one is going to give me that chance.
I was wondering if anyone could advise me (help me make a decision) as Im at a crossroads in my life and feel its such a big decision I have to make. My family depend on me, me alone now.

Hello - Ah, you have a lot going on...
My thought when I read your question was that as a beauty therapist you could be self employed and even mobile, which would be really good with parenting your children. Also, as an 'older' (but I do not believe that you are 'older at all...34 is nothing) therapist, I think you would be very approachable by a wide range of women. I also think that beauty therapists/hairdressers/holistic therapists are far more than just the treatments they offer: in devoting the time exclusively to the client, they are often informal counsellors as their clients sometimes use the relaxing opportunity to talk about things they often do not have time to with other people in their lives. Also, add the fact that a person can feel so wonderful after a treatment, their self esteem can be hugely boosted. Beauty therapy can given in all sorts of settings and so can reach a very wide range of clients in all the stages of their lives, from brides before their weddings, to people who are living in care homes. It really is a caring profession.

I am not a beauty therapist...I once did a massage and facial course many years ago, but did not work with them. Have you ever been to a therapist? We practised on each other in class and we were all astounded at how good we felt after the treatments.
That's just my opinion...good luck with your deliberations!

Oh thankyou so so much for your reply shadowland :)
I know to some people this sounds trivia but to me and my family its huge.
Oh yes this makes sense Iv never thought of it like this, also with the informal counsellors. Im very good at putting the world to rights. Iv experienced so much. People often comment on how well I give advice. My mum always says I should be a counsellor :)
I have been to one yes and true they do make you feel amazing.
Oh thankyou this makes me feel better.
Iv always want ed to be a midwife since my first child was born. Maybe its just a dream. I feel it would be a massive commitment and not sure I have the support for that.

Sorry, I said 'women' as potential clients but of course, men also go to therapists..my thoughtlessness.
But, seriously, good luck and I wish you well and I'm sure you WILL do will, in whatever you choose!

Thankyou :)
Just spoke to the college and asked their advice and she said there are jobs available but alot offer part time and also the money is basic.

Midwifery is better paid but the hours are terrible and difficult to juggle childcare around if you are on your own.
Beauty therapy sounds much more flexible, offers employed and self-employed opportunities and is often (though not always) a daytime hours job.

good luck with your wonderful future.
Seize your opportunity with both hands and make it work. Yo' sound fab

Thankyou so much foolonthehill for your reply :)
Yes I worry about the hours and being alone. This is my last chance. I need to make the right choice.
Yes I think the hours of a beauty therapist will be more suitable. Im hoping there is employment and money to be made. Its scary being a parent and even more scary on your own.
Im definitely gonna seize the opportunity just need to make the right choice then def make that work. Thanks again :)

Have you thought about training as a counsellor?

Better paid than bty therapy and possibly more jobs in it too. SAme benefits in that you can set up privately and work round your DC.

Good luck it's a huge decision and will affect the next decade or two or more! (no pressure then!)

find out everything you can about each and write down the pro's and con's of them. Ther uk is crying out for midwives I know, and a good time to get into the training whilst your children are young enough, you can grow in commitment with their increasing age. I do know someone with a young family that started her training a couple of years ago and LOVES it.

it seems whichever road you take, you will be starting to train up in september, and I agree totally about the age thing. You will have so much more to offer in so many ways with the things you have learnt in life, and this is something that others tell you to be particularly true of you. Some roles definitely seem to be suited to certain age groups (or fashionable for certain age groups) but I don't know if that might ever limit your chances. Anyone worth working for is looking for the best person that has the most to offer

Thankyou Pickgo and thankyou Shriek for your reply :)
I have actually thought of counselling but again unsure of job prospects. I find it quite natural to talk to people aboout allsorts of things, giving my free advice. Someone paying me for it I would feel pressured. Not sure if I make sense when I say that.
I have overly thought about both and Im forever weighing up the pro's and con's. The con's for me about midwifery are if I cant do it academically. I know I shouldnt doubt myself but I cant help it. I can imagine it being very rewarding, but very demanding. I can imagine lots of job opportunities also.
I also think beauty therapy would be rewarding and not so demanding. The money wouldnt be as good I guess.
I just need an income.
I would love a fairy godmother right now :)
Thankyou so much for your advice :)

Hey.. you're welcome.. hope the decision making is going well...

Ever wondered why we want to do, or enjoy some things?.. normally the things we're good at.. if you have an interest in something don't overworry about the acadeamia.. make contact with the midwifery profession and ask some questions.. nothing to loose!

Hey Shriek :)
Thankyou, yes I think Iv made a decision.
I called a few colleges and went to an info day at 2 colleges.
They do not do an access course, but offer an alternative, which is a foundation degree. At first I thought oh know I dont have the right qualifications even for this so will have to another course for a year to gain an NVQ and it will take me 3 years before I even apply to uni. Anyway after lots of thought Iv decided to go for this course as the opportunities to work after the foundation degree are endless. Also the course provides placements. Then once Im in this feild I can decide further. It will give me an insight to studying at degree level also.
Thankyou all so much for your advice :)
Fingers crossed I have an interview on the 28th June :)

hope you have'nt wriotten off midwifery - incidentally, older students work harder & laern more - also highly regartded by employers so best of luck! sahms multi task all teh time, have multi skills and everything except confidence usually - hope it all goes well for you.

Thankyou aokay :)
No I havnt written it off, just need to go down the right path to get there.
I was thinking I would do an access course for a year and then apply for uni but as it is the college doesnt do an access course. The college that does is an hour away.
This course will take a little longer but i will get plenty of experience working within hospitals that will give me a better chance for my uni application and also the opportunity to work. I hope Iv made the right decision. It seems a long way off before I even apply for midwifery but I havnt really got a choice.
I feel quite anxious now, as I want to know if Im on the course. Fingers crossed.

so impressed and thrilled for you hhmummy :) An exciting new direction to your life. Have a great time, yeah it'll be hard work but SO rewarding :) just brilliant news

Thankyou so much Shriek :)

Well done happyhappymummy. I firmly believe that you should follow your dreams. I think we can look at the end goal and the thought of how we will get there seems overwhelming, so we don't do anything. I think it's a case of taking small steps and moving towards them - and you've done that. I think that once you are on the course all sorts of opportunities will open up to you that you can't envisage now.

Thankyou Lookingatclouds :)
After a 2 year rollercoaster of emotions Yes Im starting to believe this too. Im so grateful for all of your encouragement and support :)

Hi - bear in mind other opportunities with Mums & babies - eg breastfeeding counsellor?/ possible work through homestart or similar? (maybe even while you study)- you really are young so don't be put off by long road - you've had you kids and can enjoy them now and lay foundation for your and their future - good for you x

Thankyou aokay :)
Yes good idea, I will look into that as I would like to do some voluntary work whilst syudying.
Thankyou :) x

A friend of mine works with the NCT part time and and is now training to be a midwife, so sort of the other way round from you, but might be worth contacting the local branch.

Hi beach :) sorry whats th NCT?

I think you need to look long and hard about midwifery as although the UK is crying out for midwives, there isn't the funding in place to employ them (certainly not down here anyway). I considered it myself but the lack of actual job prospects put me right off.

NCT - National Childbirth Trust - a charity providing primarily pregnancy/childbirth and early babycare/breastfeeding education to parents, including encouraging setting up contact/support groups for pregnant couples/new parents. Run courses for a charge, and get involved in national decisions affecting these areas. They have need of breast-feeding counsellors (whom they train), and administrative staff, volunteer library coordinators for their literature/loans. Look into in on-line for loads more.

Ok fab thanks Shriek :)

Hello happy happy mummy, I am a single mom too. I have two children, a girl who is in year 8 and a boy who is in year 6. My little boy has autism and is off to special school in september. I will be 40, yes 40! in october and two years ago I decided to go back into education. Firstly I did a BTEC in applied science (GCSE level) just to dip my toes in the water to see if I enjoyed it and if I could cope. Well I did enjoy it and I did cope. So I then enrolled on an access course (science) and have just completed the course. Yes it was quite intensive, I had to juggle study, cleaning, cooking, the kids etc but if you want it you'll do it! I obtained the grades I needed and will be starting a chemistry degree at Aston university in september, with a PGCE course in year 3. It is never too late, I'm proof of that. Find a really good course, with great lecturers and a good success rate and if you're lucky you'll end up with a really fantastic group of people like I did. We had such a good time, I've never laughed so much. Also it sets a really good example to the kids, they see you studying hard to acheive your goals. So my advice is go for it, just be aware that if you go the nursing/midwifery route the hours on placement may be difficult unless you have family to rely on.