How do you manage a social life?

[duffybeatmetoit]

I'd like to join a women's group that meets twice a month (evenings) but have a small child. DD's father lives couple of hundred miles away, my entire local support network consists of one person who doesn't have any DCs but does have an active social life. I don't want to be having to ask my friend to make a regular commitment to

Money is tight and I can't afford the £9 per hour that local babysitters charge and I'm not able to reciprocate for other parents wanting a night out. I work fulltime and I the only parent locally who does that so I can't have other people's children during the day. Everyone seems to do family stuff at weekends so don't need a sitter during the day on a weekend. I haven't found any other single mums locally.

Have you found any ways around this problem?

short answer from me is no. I have no social life and haven't since dd arrived as I have no support network and can't afford a sitter. Hopefully somebody else will have a positive answer!

Sorry duffy, can't say anything to help. I just don't have much of a social life.

No babysitters, work full time, DD has SN, so has no friends she can go and sleepover with.

Just occasional nights with GPs.

I would love to go to the gym, take up some sort of hobby, but I have accepted that I just can't.

I have no social life either duffy. I've been out once in three years. Can't be helpful there i'm afraid. I think a lot of us have the same problem .

Nope - no social life here either. I have friends I see during the day, and very occasionally I'll go out for a BBQ or dinner and take ds with me, but I can't afford to go out in the evening and pay for a babysitter. I just keep telling myself that ds will be old enough to stay home alone soon(ish), I can have a social life then.

no help here either except if you have an interest that can be pursued at home you could set up a group that meets in your home (book group, knotting circle, wine tasting......)

that should be knitting circle...although I suppose a knotting circle would be more unusual??!!

I found the answer. You just wait 13 years and then they are old enough to be left on their own for a few hours.

(Unfortunately, I'm not joking )

Is your DC old enough for sleepovers? That's something you can recipricate at.

£9 an hour sounds a bit steep for babysitting. I pay £5. Do you know any friends or neighbours with teenagers you could ask? Or put an advert up at a local nursary or after school club.

Where does you women's group meet? If it's someone's house, could you offer to host it?

Or is your DC young enough and a good enough sleeper to take with you and let sleep in a buggy?

I just used to suck up the babysitting costs and think of it as a long term investment, like other childcare. Sometimes I'd have be end up borrowing to be able to do so but people often do that for childcare to enable your work and career. I considered my social life just as important for maintaining my sanity and more importantly, networking. I've made more work connections through social contacts than during work hours, so as a financial investment it's paid off (esp. since I ended up moving in with and marrying a guy I met through through friends, so we're now more comfortably off together).

no, sorry - no way around the problem. I'm lucky that mum will babysit once a month but otherwise - social life has to happen during daytime hours (or if I'm working not at all!)

Hosting is also a good idea - I have hosted MN meets at my house as generally peopel are sympathetic to the babysitting problem if you are single and skint.

Not much to add sorry Duffy. I have 'utilised' any & every connection possible in order to maintain my socail life. Just to add that teenagers will generally babysit for much less than £9 per hour (I used to pay a tenner - flat rate - when I needed it) so if you can find the older sister/brother of one of the dc's friends that may work.

If it is a group that meets regularly you could go and ask if anyone else is stuck for sitters and try reciprocating within the group if there is anyone else in the same boat as you maybe?

Also, just making more friends in general will help, so via school/pre school or work may be options. Not everyone will care about reciprocating. I have a few friends now I can call on and none expect it in return, although I do offer help them when I can.

One day it will all work out evens

no none here - also jsutifying babysitter plus cost of evneing out just doesnt add up.

amnd sometimes am just too darned tired anyway ...also work mon-fri

but as was suggested try find a cheaper babysitter and thinki of it as good investment too for your own sanity.

if the group itself costs little to join then is worth it. as thru this group you might also make more useful contacts/network etc.

so - find a way to pay babysitter and go for it !

A friend of mine does babysitting swaps with friends but she is so much more sociable than I am and oozing networking skills but I guess that is the way to go .....

But the OP's point is that you can't do babysitting swaps with friends if you are a single parent and don't get any time off can you? You can't leave your own child unattended whilst you sit for someone else.

Well this particular friend takes her daughter to the other friend's house/s for the evening it always seems to work ok.

However I can't be bothered but it does keep her nicely sane so worth considering.

I don't.

I manage the odd visit to the gym if my sister or stepmum can pop over in the evening for a couple of hours. Not enough for a night out though. I last went out in December to the work Xmas do, sober as I couldn't afford a taxi and had to drive home.

I'm with corlan on this one really. My social life will resume in 13 odd years.

One of my problems is that although I can probably afford an occasional babysitter, I can't find one. Have tried local sitting services - no luck - and I don't know any teenagers, so am pretty much stuck

Did you think of looking on the local netmums (sorry ladies!) there are usually local childminders/qualified types seeking extra jobs. That way you get to check their ID and police check too as well as their Ofsted credentials.

'I'd like to join a women's group that meets twice a month (evenings) but have a small child. DD's father lives couple of hundred miles away, my entire local support network consists of one person who doesn't have any DCs but does have an active social life. I don't want to be having to ask my friend to make a regular commitment to

Money is tight and I can't afford the £9 per hour that local babysitters charge and I'm not able to reciprocate for other parents wanting a night out. I work fulltime and I the only parent locally who does that so I can't have other people's children during the day. Everyone seems to do family stuff at weekends so don't need a sitter during the day on a weekend. I haven't found any other single mums locally.'

..............I don't have a social life either. No family, no true friends I can rely on and was made redundant recently so no cash. I do know that babysitters where I am (west london) charge £10 per hour, so I feel your pain!

completely sympathise with all too familiar scenario for all those stuck indoors - can't offer to sit for others as then who sits your DC - but for this one I have tried arranging a sleepover with a friends DC, whilst they go out and I do the sitting for all, then the other mum will reciprocate when I need helping out. I generally keep this reciprocation reserved for times when I need childcare help to work, as I sometimes have to use evenings to get to meetings, presentations, etc.

Another option which has just occurred as I've read through the postings here, is to use skype to set up a network of mums, maybe the ones that are all contributing on this thread for example, that can either chat as a group on-line for free at an arranged time, or video call each other individually.

I too have no social life (nothing regular anyway), but do find its rather exhausting being a single mum, and don't tend to have much spare time in the evening to worry about. Just starting to miss the company though, although much too wary of actually having another partner around to be sure I want to do anything about that!

If you could find a sitter but you are worried about money, could you go once a month rather than twice a month? I know it's not ideal but better than not going. I'm a single parent and know that babysitting can be a right pain.

Looks like I need to forget a social life for the next decade . Glad I'm not alone.

what life is no social life??

but it is true, this is the one way in which life WAS easier with a partner, one could just walk out (well, in my reality only after fixing dinner and making sure dc fully settled in bed, story read, clothes ready for next day, shopping done, etc).

How long can one exist indoors all night every night without going bonkers!?!?!

duffy I was going to start a new thread, but thought I would tag onto this one.

Guy from work leaving do tonight - I really, really wanted to go, but no babysitter and had to pick DD up from kids club.

So I'm sitting at home, while everyone else is having fun

And that got me thinking about my life, etc and how goddamed jealous I am of other people who don't have to factor in all these issues when wanting to have a social life.

Yes ExP, I mean you, that had the time and money to go out on the town and meet a new woman, while I have had to limit my life and career because I have sole care of my beloved DD.

And I am still waiting for that elusive someone else who can just make me a cup of tea

Sorry, thread hijack over

ive done it for the last 4 years, its got that bad i dont even have many friends left due to me always saying no i cant go out, but due to lack of money and no family to watch ds it defo gets pretty lonely especialy at night :( but i suppose you just get use to it, no other choice really