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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

school discrimination Father's Day lunch

19 replies

BellaTalbert · 11/06/2012 00:12

My DD's (10) school is holding a father's day lunch and as her father has little to no contact she unfortunately doesn't have anyone to invite that are able to attend due to working. I put my name down hoping that this would be accepted due to our family circumstances oh boy was I wrong. I was informed by the school that it is fathers/men only eventhough when it was the mother's day lunch one of the dads was allowed to attend due to the mother having passed away. I don't see how this is fair considering the amount of single mothers with children that don't see their fathers. My DD has been really upset about this and has said that she is dreading school on that day due to not having a someone to lunch like most of her friends. The school won't budge on this so I am going to take my DD out for lunch on this day regardless of whether the school like this or not.

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 11/06/2012 00:16

Bit cruel of the school to insist - take her out and enjoy the day.

AnyoneForTennis · 11/06/2012 00:17

What do other lone parents there have to say?

fallenangle · 11/06/2012 00:23

I thought Fathers Day was a Sunday. If this is a weekday thing then surely loads of dads will be unavailable just as loads of mums would be due to work, childcare, being a hundred miles away.....

AnyoneForTennis · 11/06/2012 00:28

Doesn't matter to schools...especially if they can get some money out of it!

savoycabbage · 11/06/2012 00:33

They should have done it as a breakfast. I bet there will be quite a few people who don't have a guest for the lunch for various reasons. I would try and match her up with one of her friends who is in a similar situation and tell them to eat together. Then pack her a special lunch.

lisaro · 11/06/2012 00:41

Tbh it's surprising that so many fathers could get the day off

CouthyMow · 11/06/2012 00:43

Pshaw. I'm a Lone Parent, went to the Mother's day meal for my DC's, not going to kick up a big fuss about going to the Father's day meal, even though DS2's dad can't get out of work that day, so DS2 will be alone. My DS2 won't be the only one without a Dad there, and they do the ones without their dad's there at a second sitting. Lots of DC's dads will be working and unable to attend, whether they are still married to the mother of the DC or not.

Mountain, molehill springs to mind. Totally different situation if a parent has died, only someone who hasn't had a parent die while they were still a child wouldn't see that. My dad died when I was 10yo, in Y5. Totally different situation.

beansmum · 11/06/2012 00:50

I would be annoyed about this, but ds (8) wouldn't care at all.

If he did care, I would point out that LOADS of other kids don't have their dad there, and give him an extra big hug in the morning, but I wouldn't take him out for lunch.

Buntingbunny · 11/06/2012 01:26

Bloody stupid idea, DH couldn't necessarily make lunch in school round work. Lots of Mum's couldn't either. Fortunately our lot have been that daft.

Original poster

BellaTalbert · 11/06/2012 08:44

It's being held this friday and I can appreciate that many dads may be working. The point is is that my DD IS upset that no one is able to come I wasn't able to attend the mothers day lunch as couldn't get out of work. I am annoyed due to my daughter being upset as she was really looking forward to my being there. No sorry I don't know what it feels like to have a parent die when young you may think that I am making a mountain out of a molehill but every child and situation is different. Luckily my DD school allow parents to attend lunches which I don't consider to be a bloody stupid idea or daft. It's one thing having your father being unable to attend due to not being able to leave work than your father not giving a damn and the person who does everything not being able to attend for not having a penis (thank god).

OP posts:

Scarredbutnotbroken · 11/06/2012 17:01

Dd nursery are having bloody fathers week. They are inviting all the dads in to talk about their jobs/hobbies. Currently dd dad has taken to ringing up nursery and harrassing them for information about dd and her care by me. This is last bloody thing I need. The notice is on the door and I know he will read it if he has her afte nursery soon. I know I am being a bit selfish but he is v abusive and I don't want him muscling in on nursery and pretending to be perfect dad. Sigh

purpleroses · 11/06/2012 17:49

I think that's crap of the school. It's not like the dads are there for any reason - eg to see a school play or look at their DC's work. Sounds more as if it's "show off your dad" time. Would imagine probably quite a few DC who'll be upset like your DD as their dad won't be able to come for whatever reason. But especially likely to upset a child whose dad doesn't care about her. I'd be pretty cross at the school if I were you. Enjoy your lunch out with DD

niceguy2 · 12/06/2012 10:19

I think you are overreacting a bit due to the fact you are understandably sensitive about your ex's lack of contact. Many kids won't have their dad's there because of work commitments. I wouldn't sweat it. By taking her out of school you are probably making matters worse and making a bigger deal out of it than needs to be.

It's not like your DD won't have noticed her dad isn't around. And a well meaning lunch from you isnt going to change that fact.

aokay · 22/06/2012 00:29

I'd give my school absolute hell and raise it with the governors - or just turn up and smile - possibly wearing a suit (trouser suit/ as in man's variety) - arses

Pedigree · 22/06/2012 20:37

I understand how bad it is when a father die, but I disagree about it being necesarily worse than being abandoned by the father, whereas with a dead parent you can always go on the detail about how fantastic he was and how much he adored his children (even if he wasn't or didn't); with a parent who has left it is so not the same, the child is likely to spend a good part of her life wondering why on earth the absent parent is not bothered, or even wondering if she was not good enough for the father to be in touch.

Mountains and molehills my a*! They are two different things and definitively, neither is worse than the other one.

Convert · 22/06/2012 20:41

Is there any way a grandad or uncle could go to the lunch with her as a stand in?

Ragwort · 22/06/2012 20:43

What happened in the end?

I do think you are over-reacting, I cannot believe that every other child would have a father or 'male figure' there. My DS's school did a 'bring your grandparent to lunch day' - one set of his GPs are dead and the others live 300 miles away, DS wasn't upset, he just accepted the situation as it was. Of course he wasn't the only one without anyone at the lunch.

Original poster

BellaTalbert · 23/06/2012 18:21

I took her out for lunch at her favorite restaurant which she really enjoyed. The vast majority of children had a father/male figure there are not many lone parents at my dd school. No male relative that live locally could attend as they were working. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and some may believe that I was being unreasonable and over-reacting but I don't think that I was. My dd does have emotional issues that she needs weekly sessions with a counsellor, a lot of the reasons for this is due to her bloody father's disinterest with her. The father's day lunch highlighted this and she wanted someone to be there that day. In my dd's class the only other child that is from a lone parent family is the child who's mother died when she was 4 and who's father was allowed to attend the mother's day lunch.

OP posts:

mrsmcv · 24/06/2012 00:59

Blimey, I would have gone to the papers and I would have taken action through the LEA for discrimination. What if both your parents were women?

Over-reacting? No way. People don't think. You did the right thing x

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