Would this bother you?

[ParsleyTheLioness]

Separated end of last year. STBXH has established a 'relationship', but won't admit it. I have no idea how long it has been going on, or if there was an 'overlap' as I discovered he was online dating. He continues to deny there is a relationship, even though he wanted to take dd (14) to stay at her house on one of the overnights. I objected to this, so Woman came and stayed at his! Typical of how he has got his own way by stealth for 20 yrs really. She has come back from hols, and brought dd a bracelet. And i just feel a bit Sad (?) that another woman has a sort of parent role with dd, and he won't even admit to it. Given that he lied to me for 20 yrs, this is not a suprise, but... :(

Honestly? No, wouldn't give a toss. If your relationship is over, then he is free to do whatever (and whoever) he likes, and I wouldn't want to hear any details. The lying is his issue. And if whoever it is buys your DD presents then at least she is trying to be nice, which has got to be a good thing.

My DD has a great relationship with her SM, which has continued even though her Dad and SM are now divorced.

Yes it would bother me. If you dd has contact with her you should know about it and who she is.

At the end of the day there is no point lying because children tell all anyway!

That's my thought mama. Trouble is, he has always been a liar, and I have never been able to get through to him that this is a problem. When i challenged him last weekend he just denied it. Makes me want to slap him. I can't make him tell the truth, despite the fact that dd can see it. He's such a knob!

Your DD is 14 and will make her own mind up about her dad and his new relationship. She's not tiny and won't need any hands on 'parenting' from anyone new in her life, nor will she believe everything she is told. It must be hard for you though.

If he is a liar you will never get the 100% truth from him and need to try to let go of wanting the truth.

I can understand it is annoying but to be fair to your ex, its none of your business. He is free to see whom he pleases without feeling obliged to update you.

She is 14, not 6m old, she can take care of herself and make her own mind about things and people. Her dad doesn't have to report back to you on his friends or new relationships (neither do you), as you are not together anymore. This is a difficult transition after so many years together, but unfortunately, that's how things work, little by little you get less and less information about what the ex is up to, but it works both ways, you would want that privacy too rather than to explain to your ex what are you up to.

NW got a bracelet for DD, that is, believe me, fantastic news (even if it may hurt a bit), she is trying to be nice which is something you need to be grateful for, I know it is difficult but at the end of the day that shows that she is someone who cares, rather than someone who can't wait to get rid of the child in the middle to be able to carry on with life with your ex as if he didn't have any responsibility to his child.

Ok, thanks.

Ok, was just thinking a little bit more about it and suddenly it has dawned on me why he doesn't want to admit to the relationship: If you are separating assets and own a house, the time will come when it would need to be decided what happens with it. If he is already living with someone, that will look to court as his accommodation needs are at least partially solved as he is sharing the expense with someone else or even solved if the woman owns a house, therefore it is more likely that you get a higher proportion of the equity of the house or the house itself.

Having being through this, I would advise you to look friendly, as this will allow him to relax and be more open about what is going on, the more you insist the more he will hide the relationship and honestly, for financial matters, you need it out in the open. But remember, what tips the balance is cohabitation, not having a relationship. So keep friendly and keep a regular record of how often your DD sleeps at her house, if she is babysitting, if they keep clothes at each other's houses or share expenses. But don't make a fuss about it until the very last moment (my ex had been living with his new partner for 2 years but he claimed the relationship was over one week before the court hearing. The house had to be put on sale so he could have a deposit for a small flat.... he and new woman moved into a 5 bedroom house in the most expensive area of the city within a month, while DS and I are still struggling to keep a roof over our heads).

Ah... and get the divorce sorted asap if you haven't yet. The nearer your DD is to sixteen the more likely that you end up with a 50/50 split, which is reasonable if you both have similar salaries. But not so if you stopped working to care for your child or support his career.

This did occur to me Pedigree... hard to prove how much he is there, he does technically have a live-in landlady, divorce is well under way. Thanks. Sounds like yours was somewhat duplicitous (sp?) too...hard to believe they once claimed to love us. What the hell happens to that love to make them behave like this?!

I really don't know... My ex not only took the great majority of the assets, he was abusive towards DS and finally abandoned him. He doesn't even pay child maintenance as he should despite having an enormous salary. It is hard to remember why did I marry him.