DS: I just want dad for fathers day...

[makemineapinot]

This conversation continued to the point that he (age 10) admitted he doesn't actually want his real dad as "he's been a really rubbish dad. I just want a normal dad. can we start looking for one?" breaks your heart I told him to use Grandad as a kinda dad but he says it's not the same. feel so sad for my children and feel like I'v failed them by not marrying a decent person. I know it's not my fault as it's him who has chosen not to speak to them, see them, pay maintenance for them yet still send big showy britrthday and christmas presents, but still, the guilt is festering. And although it would be nice (for me too!!) to meet someone I know it's not gonna happen - never meet nice single guys so can't see DS or DD getting a 'dad' anytime soon . Sorry - just had to share x

too. The wee mite

I feel for u. Im in the same situation. My child is callin out for someone she can call dad (her own is useless like ur ex).
They dont think how it affects the kids when they swan in n out of their lives.

I can completely empathise with you and poor DS. xx

.

DD acts like she doesn't care (9) but she must. You're right AKE - they don't think - or don't care

I am just wondering who the dads are that are crying out for proper contact with their children, like the ones you see in the news after some publicity stunt for father's for justice.

My daughter when she was little had a dad at home, and yet used to cling on to any adult male she came across like superglue, obviously not getting the attention that a little child wanted from her real dad. The same wonder father who decided last night on his son's birthday, to stand up his kids after promising to come round, as he "couldn't cope with me" aka the pub was open. He then had the (very drunk) audacity to send me a text telling me I should be ashamed of myself. I really am not sure whether to laugh or cry, and the poor kids are so used to it they didn't even ask what happened.

Poor little fella. I know the feeling, OP - I then married a man who I thought would make a good step dad but he turned out to be a bigger knob than their father which I didn't think was possible

daffy. I've been called "sick in the head", an unfit mother, pure poison, etc, etc by her very absent "father". Usually because he pops up out of the blue and says that he'll take her overnight - just like that, and regardless of any other plans we might have (she's 12 BTW, with ASN) and I have to say that he's not given me enough notice, or that we have other things on

He also accused me of making up her disability, and said that she is not nearly as disabled as I make out, when he sees her.

School holidays are coming up in three weeks and I am already in a mad panic trying to arrange care for her and juggle my holidays with clubs, etc.

It broke my heart when she asked me yesterday why she couldn't go to her Dad's for a week or so. I couldn't tell her that any time in the past when I have tried to get him to take her for more than an occasional overnight stay, he has found excuse after excuse after excuse.

daffydowndilly

Although I feel so sad reading this post from OP, I also felt I had to respond to your post questioning where the dads were who wanted proper contact with their children. That's because my DP is exactly that dad and I'm finding it hard to see him virtually beg his ex for an extra night EOW to take it to a total of 2 nights EOW. She won't let it happen because it's 'unrealistic' and 'impractical' for his 7 and 3 year old to stay on a Sunday night EOW. So without taking it all to court, with all the acrimony and money that will drain, how can he do it?

So, although I absolutely don't doubt that there are some useless dads out there and sorry for your situation makemineapint and AKE2012 it just isn't the case that good dads don't exist... and that mums who refuse to facilitate sensible contact don't exist.

I am so sorry this is heart wrenching. My own daughter aged 6 asked me to "go out, find a new daddy and bring hmi home". But don't be pessimistic; make active efforts to meet new people, and meanwhile keep your ds's life busy & happy. I am now re-married, my daughter is 14 and loves her step dad.

Just as a little bit of reassurance makemine my brother spent a lot of his childhood asking for a new daddy. We argued a lot because I didn't want one and he desperately did. But even then I found it very upsetting that he felt that way.

Fast forward and he is an utterly chilled out, confident man with lots of female friends and he has been with his girlfriend for 10 years. So he might have missed out on a dad but my mum did a great job at being everything he needed and I'm sure you will too.

Oh didn't mean to belittle your son's comments makemine - just wanted to cheer you up from feeling so sad about it.

:( very sad. My DS did the same. DP now lives with us but DS is just starting to realise his father can't be arsed. It's awful :(

Look, my dad owned a building company and until he retired, I was always opening the door to tear-stained miserable teenagers who worked for him who had adopted him as their work-dad. I think it's a particularly male thing, where lovely blokes feel it's their role to support and help younger men, in a way that we women are perhaps less prone to do.

Your son knows what makes a good dad, so he'll be one. He'll make friends with good people and find good older men as role models. A sad day for you in some ways but take heart, what a great man you're raising that knows how it should be done

xx

Thanks rubyroo and mrsmcv - that does make me feel better! In the end they both sent him a Fday card but never asked to phone him. Funnily enough we got a text from him last wednesday evening saying he loved them. last text was just before his birtday, previous one was just before Xmas. Ahhhh the fear that they might not send him anything!! yet he won't speak to them. Anyway rant over - witch - here's hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel for me too!