Moving 'back' to live near to parents...making such an important decision while feeling dreadful. Help!

[TheCinnamonGiraffe]

I am exhausted to my bones and quite frankly feeling utterly depressed (I know, I know, bank holiday weekends are the worst for this...). I have 3 under 5's and there just isn't enough of me to go around. The DC's father visits every other weekend so other than that I'm none stop (obviously, as most of you probably are...).

My parents are about and hour away and come when they can but I know that they would help out more if I lived closer...I am tempted to move, but it's such a big decision to make while I am feeling so utterly stung out.

Has anyone moved to be closer to their parents to make life better (they live near the sea and in a nice part of the country, lots to do for the DC's)? I feel like I am giving up .

I am going to do that as soon as the school term is over. Similar, two children under 5, and an unreliable father. I never thought I would move back to where I grew up, it is a very nice place, lovely for kids, but it does feel like defeat. But I have taken my time over the decision and I feel that it is the best thing for us all. I can't be a single parent with no support, and be a good parent, it is too emotionally exhausting. Just knowing that other adults are nearby and could be friends for the kids and a support for me, is very liberating. It will give me a break and the chance to rebuild my life, and nothing has to be permanent.

I moved to be near my parents, I 'knew' they would help out more. The reality was, they didn't.

So I would have a conversation about expectations. What 'help' you would expect etc

Also, the dc dad..... What will his reaction be?

Your DCs will have a closer relationship with their grandparents if they see them more often, which is invaluable.

Plus you will get some time off. And you'll all be near the sea, bonus!

It's not giving up, it really isn't, it's being smart and doing what's best for your family.

I've done this. Four years ago, with 3 DDs (5, 21m and newborn). I've never regretted it. Admittedly I live 9 miles from them, but we are very rural; and I would have moved to the same village if I could have afforded it.

The extra support especially in the first few months with DD3 made the difference to me I think. But my parents aren't overbearing, and only get involved when I ask them to.

My DDs have a wonderful relationship with their GP's (the sort I wish I'd had with mine but we lived too far way), and each have their allotted 'days' when they sleep over.

I think it depends very much on your relationship with your parents, and how much you want them in your lives, but for me...it was the totally right thing to do. Four years on we are all very happy, and life is good.

Are you really sure about your relationship with your parents? A friend of mine did this, although she had no choice (long story) and says now it was the worst thing she ever did.

Thank you for your comments...my parents love spending time with my DC's, but I would have a chat with them first Olympia I agree it needs discussing before I moved. My Dad has said that he wishes that we lived closer so that 'they' could help more, although it is my Mum who would probably be roped in with a lot of the helping as he still works so I need to have a chat with her the most.

The DC's father wouldn't be too impressed, but I think that he could be talked round. His first concern was that it would make visiting tricky (he doesn't drive), I pointed out that all he would be doing is catching a slower train in a different direction, no great hardship imo!

Balia, that is another questions to sort, I did wonder about renting a holiday cottage for a week in one of the villages near them (not exactly the same I know) and seeing if I ended the week dying to get home or not wanting to leave...

as long as you all know what your expectations are it could be brilliant. I've moved 3 in with my parents for the time being (not a permanent solution, just til DS2 arrives). It's been amazing. I haven't lived in the same county for over a decade so I had no idea what I was missing out on having family support nearby. Now I don't think I could give it up tbh. But clearly that depends on your parents, your relationship with them etc. However, if it's going to make your life easier and your DC's happier, I'd say go for it - you haven't failed at going it alone, you'd just be making a mutually beneficial decision in the DC's best interests. Good parenting if you ask me :)

• should say 3 hours from where I previously lived, in with my parents

I would do it, I live near my mum and it is a God send!! She is a practical help and support and although I do feel a bit claustrophobic sometimes I know that I would struggle massively if she lived further away.