Overnights visits long distance advice please!

[FourFish]

My ex wants to take my daughter (2 and 3) on holiday for a week in the summer holidays. In principle I think this is brilliant but he has never had the children overnight. I think he needs to start off one night at a time and build up - my youngest has never spent a night away from me while my eldest has occasionally stayed at my parents.

However, my front door to his front door involves 5 hours and two train changes which i think is too much travel for the children. I am not happy for the ex to use my house as he has stolen from me in the past plus its my space and i just would be really uncomfortable with him being there. So what are the options? I have always said i don't want maintenance i want him to use the money on seeing the girls. So would it be reasonable to expect him to use a b and b?

Current contact is two sats a month for 6 hours in my nearest city (30 mins metro travel for us).

Under the circumstance I think that is fairly reasonable. They all need to get used to spending the night together. Absolutely. Your ex does need to learn what night time parenting involves, and the dc need to get used to him being the one who comes into their room at 3am to deal with any problems.

Personally I'd suggest he starts staying in a b&b and seeing the dc all weekend ( them staying the night with you ) as I don't think 6 hours a fortnight is much time. Next time they stay with him in b&b ( obviously you are available for emergencies ) and do that a few times before the holiday.

In the long run it's a shame he disrespected your home and you by stealing. I get on pretty well with my XP and it's a god send to be able to use her flat on occasion.

Five hours is a bloody long way for two children to travel. If they do end up visiting his home it'd obviously make sense if it was for longer than two nights.

Sounds reasonable to me. Or could you ask him to pay you maintenance, and then use that yourself to pay for a B&B if he's reluctant to do so?

2 is quite young to be away for a week I think - esp if she's not ever had a night away from you. Would suggest he starts with a couple of nights rather than a week. Could he take the kids on holiday for a night or two somewhere near to where you live? In the summer camping or youth hostels (family rooms) are both quite cheap options. Some hotels and travel lodges do good deals for kids sharing adults rooms too.

Would your parents be prepared to have them both for a night or two, to see how your youngest copes wihtout you first?

Thanks. MrGin the stealing was money out of an account rather than physical removal from my home but it means I really don't trust him. My ideal is for them to be staying at his for longer to justify that travel but I don't think suddenly springing a week away on them is fair.

Purpleroses I am in process of weaning E (she had health problems so didn't go onto solids until 20 months) and she still feeds three times a night and I don't think its fair to ask my poor parents to do that! In fact, I was speaking to my mum about this and I had completely forgotten that I did try my folks to have E overnight last autumn and it did work in that I was away 10 p.m. till 7 a.m. but E didn't sleep. My folks basically took it in turns to walk the streets with her while the other adult kept an eye on my eldest. And overnight with ex would be a longer day and night.

You mean she's still breast fed? If so you clearly need to wean her or at least get her onto bottles before your ex can have her overnight. And maybe tackle the night waking - unless her health problmes mean she really does need to feed in the night - most 2 year olds don't. Doesn't sound like she's really ready for overnights away from you yet - if you're parents can't manage her dad's not going to find it any easier.

yes breastfed but she will take food instead and yes it is unusual but she is 100% healthy now (thank God) and I am aiming to have her fully weaned by August. Trouble is i can't really stop my ex taking a 2 year old overnight on the grounds that she wakes up a lot and i would rather build up gradually than her suddenly spend a week away from