Dd coming back from dads swearing

[WetTheMogwai]

How would you tackle this?
14mo dd sees her dad and his new jezzatastic family once or twice a week and has started saying a very specific insulting sentence that I cant recall ever saying infront of her never mind enough times for her to pick it up and repeat it

She's a pretty good talker but it takes her a fair few times of repeating something before she starts trying t say it so I know she must've heard it a lot of times and it not just be a one off

Her dad has a 3 year old step daughter who is a horror is at that age where she's testing her mum so I understand that and tbf I don't know who it is who's saying it, I'm only assuming that it's one of the female members of the family based on what I've seen of them (the men dont seem the type) but ultimately it doesn't matter who's saying it, I'm not going to tolerate that kind of thing infront of dd

She's a lovely little girl and always has been but comes home from there copying the 3 year olds behaviour (biting, screatching etc) which I can forgive because as I said she's at that age and I can easily correct that behaviour while she's still so little but the swearing and blatant insulting is a step too far.

I'm going to talk to him tomorrow about it but what should I say?

TIA

Difficult one! My ds (about 18mo at the time) came out with "f*ing mummy" once, several times and very clearly :-O
I tried my hardest not to bat an eyelid or comment when he said it - I think he (and your dd) too young to understand what they're saying and commenting on it might just encourage it! Unless you just said "no, those words are not nice".

My ds never said it again though, so I didn't mention it to my ex at the time.
I had thought of saying "he's picking words up all the time at the moment so please could you watch what is said in front of him" if it had happened again. Maybe you could say something like that?

Swearing is like breathing to my ex, so if it ever becomes an issue when the children are older (copying it) I've decided I will just have a "not in my house" rule and explain that it is offensive and affects people's opinion of you.
Out of the house, when they're older, I guess they will make their own choices.

my ds once decided woody was very naughty because he was saying, fucking god, no amout of telling him otherwise would convince him!

Ow god! Yea that's the trouble isn't it, here like sponges that age but if it gets attention then it encourages it!
I've just been saying 'no, you don't say that' in my stern mummy voice but to no avail so far so I might start ignoring it.

I might tell him that I'm not pointing fingers but she's picking up bad words and behaviour from somewhere so can he make sure dd is kept away from that sort of thing as much as possible etc

Im a bit worried about the kind of atmosphere he takes her into though, if she's hearing insult like that then there must be some kind if tension or arguments and that's not a nice place for a baby to be. I've seen a big difference in her in the last few weeks (she's not had regular contact with him for long) and I just put it down t her growing up and changing but maybe their influence is changing her. Is not for the better either, my happy, smiley little girl is turning into a grumpy, violent child....a lot like her step sister funnily enough....and there's no way I'm having a child like that!

It's really tough letting go when you worry about the influences you are only guessing at! My children have been getting used to two homes for about 9 months and it is getting better. Thigs are not quite so heated between me and my ex. (We ignore each other for the most part - handovers are easier now the children are more settled leaving and coming back).

I also worry about swearing (from my ex though not children!), his impatience and needing to control, his complete lack of respect for most of humanity (but especially women). I worry about how my children will grow up, with some of his peculiar and bitter views about people.
But I'm sort of coming to terms with thinking that as long as I give them a happy, stable home here, and teach them about respect/ manners/ listen to them/ let them know their views count, then that is 1) as much as I can do and 2) will hopefully help them to grow up to be happy and confident.
Hopefully his influence is lessened because he sees them less. He also does want them to enjoy seeing him, so from what I can see, he does seem to have changed towards them.

What you describe must be so frustrating. Just keep giving your little girl lots of love and cuddles when she is with you, and tell her how lovely she is. It might be age related, my two definitely got grumpier at her age! (And nicer at about 2!)

Maybe have a word though - ask if everything is ok, because you've heard her say "xxxxx". Maybe it will shock him into changing things.

Thanks magic thats good to hear :) hope things improve with your ex, it was like that with us for a good 18 months before he just changed his mind over night! I don't think I'll ever know what caused the change of heart but I was lad of it!

I had a word with him yesterday when he came to get her and he was very upset about the biting incident. I think he really struggles with his sd as she appears to be very challenging (she's had a very disruptive homelife and I don't think she's treated very kindly by some family members) and I think the idea of his daughter being like that too shocked him which I was quite glad about.
He was very mature about it and said he'd be really careful what dd sees and hears in future. Hopefully that's the last of it but I saw his new wife and sd a moment ago and my suspicions were pretty much confirmed! Fingers crossed we won't need that conversation again. I really don't know how someone can swear at a child like hat though, no matter how challenging they are!

Glad you have managed to talk about it and hopefully he will be looking out for your daughter now. I'm sure every mum has moments when things get tough, but I think swearing at children is horrible/ completely unacceptable - she sounds like she needs serious parenting help (the mum). Not nice for your dd to see/ hear. Keep bringing it up if it happens again, I don't think he should just let that happen - maybe he can sort out some parenting classes for her? ( I know that might go down like a lead balloon, but I know loads of people who've said they are really helpful)