Contact with PIL's

[MummyJules]

Just wondering about peoples experiences with their parents in law? Im planning on leaving my partner of five years in the next couple of weeks and was wondering how to deal with his parents. Shall I write a letter to explain the situation and to let them know that they can still see their grandchild or shall I let P deal with it when he has come to terms with it himself?

if you want to continue the relationship with PIL, I would do the letter thing or even ring.

my children see my PILs regularly - they come & stay here and phone every week
its nothing to do with H and we're doing just fine

if you leave it to your P, it may damage relationships between you & PIL

I think writing them a letter .. without getting into blame for the relationship split .. but focusing on the relationship between them and their grandchild would be a lovely thing to do

I am sure many PILs feel devestated at the potential loss of contact with their grandchildren .. don't let P deal with it .. men tend to be crap at these things

Thanks - Thats what I thought. So what should I write in this letter? Any tips?!

Dear X and Y

I am truly sorry that my relationship with xxx has broken down to this extent. I felt I had to write to tell you how much you mean to me and children and how upset I would be if you were no longer a part of our lives.

I know that the next few months might be difficult for all concerned but just wanted you to know that as xxx's grandparents you will always have an important role to play in our lives.

I hope we can remain friends and family.

I would like to invite you to lunch on xxx at xxxx so that we can start our new lives with you remaining a part of it

(or some such blurb)

HTH

Thanks so much twiglett - You have worded it perfectly. You're a star!

good letter Twiglett

I have to say MummyJules that if you want to keep the relationship with your PILs then go for it.
I have kept mine - H left me & didnt tell his parents why or that it was permanent - they thought he was just having a break

they have been wonderful to me and I now see far more of them than we ever did b4 which makes me wonder whether they constantly asked to visit and H (their son) kept putting them off

its so important for them & the children

well done & good luck

.. you're welcome, glad to help

Thank you - I think its easier writing a letter to my pil than my partner!