is Fuckarama about? need help reattatching my MN balls

[IAmBooybilee]

so no contact from EXp all week. he texted me last night at 8pm saying "what are the boys at?" i replied saying "now?" as it was after bedtime and he knows that. he didn't reply at all. then today at 20 past 1 he texts asking if i was doing anything with the dcs today. i reply saying "what is your plan? i need definite times" he replied saying "i come and get them about half 2 and have them back about 8" i text back saying "no, i need definite times. 'about' doesn't mean anything. do you not wat to keep them overnight?" (it's ds2's birthday tomorrow which is why i asked) he didn't reply so at ten past 2 i texted him saying "i need to know pretty soon what's happening or else they wont be ready to go at half 2" got no reply so at quarter past i texted him again saying "i take it you are't having the boys then?" again no reply. he then text 15 minutes ago saying "i got a car so can get the boys when they are ready" and then a follow up message saying "yeah i want the boys to stay, just didn't ask incase you wanted ds2 for tomorrow" (bulshit he didn't want to ask!)

so what do i reply? for anyone that doesn't know i have asked him already to give me notice of when he would like to have the dcs and he has failed to do this. he is still just texting and arriving. also, would it be UR of me to ask him to ring me in future to arrange contact as clearly texting is not working because he just ignores whatever questions he doesn't want to answer in texts?

he just wouldn't stick to that agreement.

Well if there is an agreement in place & he doesn't stick to it, PITA though it is, you have to document every time & keep the texts too.

Keep a diary (you can do that from now) & it continues then go ack to the solicitor. How come he gets access AND his parents do too? The access was for his parents on his behalf not as well as if I understand your previous post?

when he was joining the navy he asked me if it was okay for his mum to come and collect ds on the saturdays in his place. at that time EXP lived with his mum so ds was already spending his contact at their house and i saw no harm in keeping this going for ds's sake (continuity really) and as i wasn't on socialising terms with his parents i didn't want them to start dropping by my house in order to see ds so the weekly contact seemed the best way of letting ds still have contact with them. then when the incident happened and i stopped contact the court informed me that as it had been happening for a while then there was no reason to stop contact as ds was used to it and that ds had a right to contact with his paternal family and as his father couldn't facilitate contact then it was reasonable that his parents did so on his behalf. (maintain relationships with other memebers of the family). i haven't challenged the court order since as EXP is still in the forces and away for 90% of the year so i doubt it would be altered/cancelled. he has told me he is leaving the navy next july so it might be possible to end teh contact order then? although i'm not sure how teh courts work. they'll probably tell me it's been going on so long that it's in the dcs best interests to continue til they're 18!

i've written down everything that has happened since the 11th of this month as that is as far back as i can remember what was said/texted etc.

still trying to work out what to say in this letter to EXP.

grrr

If he texts you like that, just don't reply.

Do you have his email address? As you've asked for 2 weeks notice or similar I would stick to email only from now on.

He's such an arse.

i have two different email addresses for him but he changes them when his job role changes so i'm not sure if either of them are still current. i will ask him to give me his current one.

Just tell him that as contact needs to be arranged 2 weeks (or whatever) in advance from now on that all arrangements will be made via email only. Do not reply to texts etc.

I would advise saying nothing about not responding to texts, texts for emergency only etc. Clearly state that all contact to be arranged via email only from now on - makes it easy to copy his mother in too

I think you can go back to court with the evidence you will have built up over the months from this month (you also have all yur texts ) & ask for the details of the order to be updated particularly if he is leaving the forces ( that didn't last long did it?)

Random is right ignore his texts & yes he is an arse so you need to stand your ground. Get to your solicitor and get some support.

no but it doesn't surprise me at all with him. he was so full of all this crap about he was doing it (the navy) for ds's and making a future for them so they would have everything the wanted (all they want is to see their dad!) he says he has sacrificed so much for the dcs by joining the navy yet he goes all week living 10 minutes drive away from them without even a call or text to say hi to them. he joined the navy to run away and he's leaving it because he's bored now and everyone has probably got over the novelty of treating him like a hero when he is back on leave.

should add that the party line is that he is now leaving the navy for the dcs

hang on, I'm getting a clearer picture here. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

• he was having regular contact

-he joined the forces

• contact was stopped due to an 'incident'
• contact Sat 12-4 was court ordered following this
• this was then transferred to his mum as he was unable to fulfil order due to his work
• the contact he is messing you around with is in addition to court order.

Right missus. Contact is 12-4 Saturdays. If he wants any additional contact HE bloody well takes you back to court to amend the court order. He is having your life, while you run around like a manic trying to keep everyone happy. STOP NOW.

He's had plenty of chances. Make him prove that he should have contact additional to what is court ordered.

no
-he was having saturday contact
-he joined the forces so we mutually agreed to transfer contact to his mum
-there was a violent incident involving his parents (EXP wasn't present)
-i stopped contact
-judge made a contact order for his parents to have contact every other saturday and every other monday.

yes the contact he messes around with is outside of the court ordered contact. it is contact i just let him have because he cant have regular (weekly) contact and i wanted the dcs to see him as much as possible. if he is home whilst his mum is having her contact he will sometimes arrange with her to come and take them instead of her having them, this is never discussed with me, he will just turn up (late usually without notice from either him or her) and collect them and i have to ask him what time he will be back as he doesn't stick to the four oclock return time when he has them.

technically he has no official contact agreement either with me or through a court. the order is for his parents so any contact he has is what we arrange between us.

anita you're not a former solicitor are you? it's just your name is very similar to my original (excellent) solicitor. sorry if that's too nosy.

And whilst you decide what your next step will be, my advice is to document EVERYTHING -every text matters. It paints a picture of what you are dealing with and if you need it to show to the court for contact proceedings, it's there in black and white.

god i've just read through my last post and realised how bloody much they get. his parents were initially granted every saturday for their contact but i refused on the grounds that i was entitled to have weekends with my own son after working all week long so they get every other saturday and then the monda after the saturday that they dont have them IYSWIM. so pretty much weekly. plus whatever EXP has them for (until the start of may he lived with his parents so they saw the dcs whenever EXP had them aswell.

i will be doing from now on sassy.

Exactly they are taking the piss (well him tbh) big time!

I would be tempted to say if he wants contact take you to court.

With my more reasonable hat on I'd decide how much contact you think would balance with your need and offer him that, agreed at least 7 days in advance via email.

For example I'd say the Sunday the same weekend as his parents have them and one other week night of his choice. This means you get a hassle free weekend guaranteed alternate weekends.

yes something like that is what i want but until he finishes the navy next july he wont be able to commit to as he doesn't be home for 6/8/10 weeks at a time. i need to get something sorted in the meantime that means he isn't using his job as a excuse to not give definite dates and times.

But regardless of when he is around you can say that alternate weekends are contact free (Fridays to Mondays???) and to email you to give you 7 days notice of whatever other contact he would like.

Stop trying to be so flexible as it is only enabling him to w*nk you around.

ah right. yes i get what you mean now. so just tell him that from now on the dc will be available for contact on the same weekend his parents have them so their contact finishes at 4 so say he can have them from 4pm on the saturday til 4pm on the sunday? how do i get him to do the emailing though and let me know if he will or wont be having contact? i know that he will just keep them after 4 on a saturday without letting me know he is home so as i know not to expect them back.

Text him something along the lines of

"I am only prepared to arrange contact via email from now on, 7 days in advance (or whatever you said to him), please let me have your current email address"

Do not respond to any further emails at all.

By email something along the lines of:
Tell him that they are available for contact on Sundays the same weekends as his parents have them and for him to let you know 7 days in advance what time he will be collecting and dropping off to your home. If he would like additional weekdays you will accommodate wherever possible provided 7 days notice is given via email. If he does not adhere to these terms in order that you can provide a stable and planned life then you will be ceasing direct contact until he has a court order.