Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Im pregnant

28 replies

Pickles77 · 26/05/2012 13:57

Hi I'm 22 and recently found out im 22 weeks pregnant. My oh has just told me that because i won't terminate the pregnancy we are over and I need to move out and go back to my parents once my maternity starts as we clearly want different lives. I've not much money, no savings, debt, and no friends in the town I live in. Fortunately I have my parents full support. Am I mad or doing the right thing? I'm mentally and physically hurting right now and
It hurts to get up in a morning. I wanted to enjoy my first pregnancy but I feel like I should be ashamed if I do that. I dont know what to
do I feel so very broken. I have another thread on pregnancy called if you have a little time but Im not sure how to link it. Please help me

OP posts:

RandomMess · 26/05/2012 14:01

If you want to carry on with the pregnancy, move out to your parents now.

22 weeks is very late to have a termination for an "unplanned & unwanted" pregnancy and the reality is that your baby may well live for a while after birth.

From you op it seems that you would would like to continue with the pregnancy but understandably have big financial concerns. You parents are supportive so I would go there whilst you work out what to do about your finances and future as a lone parent.

postmanpatscat · 26/05/2012 14:40

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I can see why you have decided to have the baby and lose the d*ckhead who fathered it. Does he have any plans to be involved with the baby once he/she arrives?

Things will work out ok, in the end...it seems like the best thing you can do is go back to your parents' home for now and I am glad that they are supporting you. The finances etc will be resolved. The father has to pay 15% of his net income to you in child support and if you check out the entitledto website you will be able to find out more about the financial assistance you can get.

Good luck :)

MissPricklePants · 26/05/2012 14:52

I was 22 when I found out I was expecting my DD, 23 when she arrived. Its difficult to go it alone but so worth it. My DD is 3 now and she is brilliant! My ex has very little to do with her. You can do it! Its great you have some support. Your ex will have to pay 15% of his net income to you as child support like hippos has said. Are you working?will you get SMP?would you go back to work after maternity leave?Remember you may be eligible for tax credits which may help you financially. Good luck!

Mobly · 26/05/2012 16:02

You have nothing to feel ashamed about. Your child's father is the one who should be ashamed.

There will be difficult times ahead but it's great that you have your parents' support. Financially, you will manage.

You should be proud of yourself for not being bullied into a termination. Please try & enjoy the last months of your pregnancy & enjoy your freedom & make the most of it

seaofyou · 26/05/2012 16:26

Sweetie any man who thinks they are more important than their unborn baby are not worth it! I strongly advise you to move out ASAP incase because if you are not following his orders it could get nasty. This is how lots of DV starts I was in same boat 8 yrs ago with partner.

Go home enjoy becoming a mum because when you hold your baby for the first time I am sure you will be so in love that all this stress, pain and tears will feel worth it.

However you are entitled to claim child support even though the es will want nothing to do with baby.

It sounds like you want your baby...my friend had a baby girl at 22 weeks so they are fully developed then just a wee bit small.

Can your pparents come and help you move out when ex not their? Best to try to avoid aggrivating the bully.

seaofyou · 26/05/2012 16:40

Your exP made you have an abortion last year :(

here

He has the responsibility 100% if he does not want a baby! He has allowed it to happen again even though he demands then an abortion!

Get out now! Do not let this man near your baby and do NOT give him PR as he clearly has shown now for second time he does not want to be in your soon to be beautiful baby's life!

Twiggy71 · 26/05/2012 17:11

What a selfish twat of a man you have to stay away from him for your own mental health.
I also had a ds when i was 23 though i was married then (am single parent now) but you know it was the proudest moment of my life and there is not a day when i have ever regretted having him he has been a blessing to me.
Believe me when you hold that wee bundle in your arms for the first time you will know its all been worth it and it was meant to be.

slug · 26/05/2012 17:11

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Families come in all shapes, sizes and configurations and yours is by no means unusual. You will be fine and your baby won't suffer by not having a selfish prick father living with you and resenting your child.

Since your ex has made it clear he does not want children perhaps you could suggest next time he complains that he could have always had the snip after your first pregnancy. He has no one to blame but himself.

You, on the other hand, will get to enjoy the special joy of a newborn all to yourself.

puds11 · 26/05/2012 17:16

Hey pickles i had my DD at 20, and finding out i was pregnant came as a massive shock! My DP wanted me to have an abortion, but i was adament i was keeping her, and he could stay or go.

Original poster

Pickles77 · 26/05/2012 18:10

I'm positive until he starts going on and on at me. Then says things like he's going to progress with his career so he can give the child everything I can't and that hurts. I've not liked my career for a long time and I'm hoping I can retrain to do something along the lines of support work or maternity to support to help other people like me and as the people that are helping me are a inspiration... So I have got a plan of action. I shall stay with my parents whilst trying to get accommodation for me and baby, and look into retraining as my current career path has funding for retraining of racing stable staff with children. And I will have to rely on benefits yes but I have been a tax payer and I am planning to work my little bottom off to repay the state for everything they have done for me. He however seems to think I will be a candidate for Jeremy Kyle! Maybe I'm being too ambitious but e makes me this way. (as u can tell I've not been around him this afternoon!!!)

OP posts:

marathonrunner · 26/05/2012 22:30

Don't get rid of your baby. You clearly don't want to. I'm a single mum to a 9 year old and it's hard but worthwhile. Good luck.

RedHelenB · 27/05/2012 08:07

You need to be honest with yourself - you want the baby, your boyfriend doesn't. He is entitled as you to his feelings & opinions, you are both young. You have made your decision by allowing the pregnancy to continue & must accept that your boyfriend may well not want anything to do with the baby, it's not going to be happy families.

Having made your decision to have the baby go back to your parents & enjoy it but DO NOT waste time & energy wishing things were different - you have to live with the reality but that is no reason why you shouldn't enjoy all that motherhood brings.

seaofyou · 27/05/2012 19:29

Wow you thought you were 9 weeks and was 21 weeks! Did you still have menstral cycles then..and you must be carrying very tidy:)

Oh you know what Pickles go out get some chick flicks and whatever you are craving and have a girlie night in and have a cry when you want- your allowed your hormonal! Kindergarten Cop I cried all the way through lol!

Get pregnancy magazines to teach you all about birth and how to look after yourself, go and buy nice white baby clothes. Start making to do lists and pack

Now enjoy and forget the waste of space...I'd actually not bother to have any contact with him Pickles because it will be only all abuse so change your mobile and even your parents number if you have too.

Enjoy every day of you pregnancy I'm as would love to be pregnant again (must be the heat )

Original poster

Pickles77 · 27/05/2012 19:36

Gor seaofheat, u must be mad I'm hating the heat. Yes I was very shocked it still doesn't feel really but I have been a busy bee buying things and I move out tommorow so it's all a fresh start. Yeah I had no sympotoms at all until I
Missed a period in April, and I still had a slight bleed around a week late. I wouldn't have normally checked as I'm
Not always regular but something made me and surprise! Thanks for the advice in not always as upbeat as I sound today- today is a good day!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pickles77 · 27/05/2012 19:37

Seaofyou I apologise- seaofheat! Babybrain!

OP posts:

seaofyou · 27/05/2012 20:19

It was a heat wave when I had ds so must be me remembering! Enjoy every minute this is your special time honey! Mummy power to you MummyPickles :) hmm you must name change lol!

Original poster

Pickles77 · 27/05/2012 20:30

Thank you sat here feeling kicks and feel very lucky x

OP posts:

funnymummy9 · 30/05/2012 22:03

Any boy can make a baby; but it takes a real man to be a dad.

Congratulations! I'm glad your parents support you fully in your decision and maybe you should stay there until the baby's born and maybe a few months old.

Your body is experiencing alot of changes and that waste of space needs to accept that.
He'll wake up one day and realise he's missing out on a beautiful experience.

AKE2012 · 30/05/2012 22:12

If i am honest i think it is overall easier being a single parent. Speaking from experience my childs dad was useless. we were together til out child was about three but he never really did much to help (more hindered). Five years of being on my own with my child has made me stronger and made my child grow into a beautiful child. They would not have been this way if me n their dad had stayed together. I have no one telling me how to raise my child, i set the rules and i do the punishments the way i want (although i can b quite a softie).
If you have support from your family and you are happy about having the baby that is what you should concentrate on and enjoy every minute.

Original poster

Pickles77 · 31/05/2012 07:42

Thank you guys, no going back to him now, because do unknow what even if he did change his mind it's too late. I've got plans and they're set in stone now. Life is just beginning and today I find out the sex of MY baby

OP posts:

seaofyou · 31/05/2012 14:14

that today has really brought a smile Picklemummy...good luck with the scan :)

BornSicky · 31/05/2012 14:22

good luck to you!

I had a very similar situation to you OP and had the baby. my DS is amazing, incredible and utterly delightful. He has completely changed my life in the best way imaginable. Before I had him I was drifting a little bit and my DS is my anchor.

Glad you have family support - mine have been brilliant and without them it would have been very hard work.

I also think in someways it can be easier to be a lone parent - i don't have to share my DS with anyone! I also can make all the decisions and just get on with things much more easily.

it's a very magical time, i hope you enjoy ever minute of it. my best "tip" is to take one day at a time - little steps! and apply for help wherever you can get it. not sure if the sure start grants are still going, but mine paid for all the nursery equipment I needed. and people were sooo generous giving me clothes, toys and all sorts. i try and pay them back with photos and cuddles with my DS... he's become very good at them!

Original poster

Pickles77 · 02/06/2012 13:09

It's so great to hear positive stories x

OP posts:

splashymcsplash · 02/06/2012 23:44

I was in almost exactly the same situation as you. Pregnant when I was 22 and the father went completely nasty demanding an abortion. I found out far sooner in pregnancy though. Abortion at 22 weeks would be a very painful and traumatic experience. Don't let yourself be bullied. If I can be of any help please pm me :)

Original poster

Pickles77 · 03/06/2012 01:16

Thanks splashy. I'm with my folks at the moment and I'm not saying its easy but I'm stronger everyday. I feel like life is just beginning for me and it's so great to hear people's stories. I don't want anything from him now, I don't need him I just ask that the big man upstairs makes him see sense and realise that he can do the right thing by his daughter. I'm glad to hear that you survived and came out the other side

OP posts:

Flip

1 2