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Original poster

How long until you started thinking about dating?

18 replies

smellyfeet · 21/05/2012 22:23

I found out last June that XP was having an affair, he moved out in July. DD 4yo and I have been busy with work, study and trying to set up my own business. Also finished counselling about a month ago as I am in a much better place.
Just wondering how long before you even contemplated dating again. And how? DD stays at her dad's 1 night a week, but I work late that night and go into work v early the following morn.

OP posts:
MissPricklePants · 21/05/2012 22:25

I have a 3yo dd, have been single almost 3 years. And I am not ready for dating and couldn't if i wanted to as ex doesn't have dd very much. I have no idea how to even get back into dating!

Original poster
smellyfeet · 21/05/2012 22:30

I dont really think I am ready either at this stage. At one stage I never thought I would do ever again in my entire life. I am softening a little bit. I have no idea how I would even go about it if I did!

I think it's quite empowering to feel confident and happy being single.

OP posts:
happyhappymummy · 22/05/2012 22:15

I think you know when your ready. You say your in a better place yourself and thats a good place to be.
I have recently joined a dating site. Its time to get back out there and have some fun aswell as being confident and happy being single :)

beansmum · 24/05/2012 03:33

I don't think you'll know if you're ready until you try it. But I've been single since before I had ds 8 years ago, so what do I know?! Anyway, HOW are you supposed to find time for dating? I haven't figured that one out yet.

Bluepenny · 24/05/2012 17:03

beansmum, I think you've hit the nail on the head there with the time issue.

No local family, friends all had kids 10+ years before me so as their kids were becoming independent they didn't want to babysit. Full time work and continuing up the career ladder, I felt too tired for years. I think DS was about 6 when I started to think about what I might want.

So alternate weekends was my time window! I did date one guy for nearly a year, but he wanted to settle and have children...and I didn't! That sank that one then! Toughest bit was "me time" disappearing as new partner wanted all my attention. Oh to be so popular!

Very happy being single - with 2 dogs I get love and no hassle, exercise and have made lots of new friends through walking them. Muddy paws is about as bad as it gets :O

mummytowillow · 24/05/2012 21:08

I have a four year old, I have been single since 2009 and can't be bothered to date! I might have to shave my legs Grin

Being serious though, I work, DD has ballet etc and her feckless let down father barely sees her once a month. So I don't really have time, and I hate relying on babysitters.

I have had men interested, but can't imagine dipping my toes in yet!!

If your ready go for it I say Wink

Meglet · 24/05/2012 21:16

It's 3yrs now and while I would love to be in a relationship it's just not possible with 2 young children and holding down a job. XP was also pretty nasty and he lives in the same town, I think it would cause problems if he thought his kids had a new father figure, even though he no longer sees them.

I'm lucky if I can get 3 x sessions at the gym a week. Let alone the odd evening out, I haven't been out since December.

I do always maintain my leg and brazillian waxing though Grin.

secretskillrelationships · 24/05/2012 23:30

I separated from my ex in August 2009 and never thought I'd consider another relationship. However, in January this year, after my decree nisi came through, I joined a couple of dating sites. Had a major wobble but got back to it and am spending Saturday with someone I have met once for coffee! I'm absolutely terrified and part of me feels I've opened up a whole can of worms of feelings, desires and needs. Very complex emotions - okay some maybe not that complex - really miss sex but really can't imagine taking my clothes off in front of another man.

On the other hand, my oldest DCs have had a great time taking the micky out of me, especially tonight when DS (14) caught me on the phone to the potential new man! That said, I've lots of ammo given just how discrete I've been about his new relationship Grin

WhippingGirl · 26/05/2012 10:37

It can't come quickly enough for me though maybe that's not a good thing. I feel like my relationship was over for years before the separation. Id live to meet someone and have something in my life for me. I'd be super cautious about introducing dc. It would have to be serious for that and LNG term but in the mean time I'm missing going on dates and getting to know someone that way.

ifeellove · 27/05/2012 21:27

A time and space thing here too. ExP and I split over 3 years ago and whilst he does see the boys regularly it is always with me present unless he is babysitting for me. I just can't can't envisage how I'd meet someone, how and where we'd meet up, how I'd deal with going on a date whilst exP babysits etc etc. Shame cos otherwise I feel more than ready and would love to meet someone, create a "family" environment for my boys and ideally have another baby.

MsColour · 27/05/2012 22:03

I split with my ex February last year. I joined a dating site last November - I felt it was probably too soon but knew several people who had joined dating sites and had no luck so I thought I might as well just give it a go and go on a couple of dates just to get used to being around men again. But ended up dating the first guy I started chatting with and I am still with him. To be completely honest I'm not sure I was really ready for it but things are going well now. I have made a point of making sure that I don't let it take over my life though.

feelingfull · 27/05/2012 23:00

what's online dating like??

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 27/05/2012 23:05

I think you will know when you're ready.

With DD it was almost 4 years before I dated again.

Now DS is 3 and I'm starting to think it might be nice to have someone again but I'm not really ready yet.

AKE2012 · 28/05/2012 19:57

The problem for me is time and my child not allowing me to have any me time, since her dad left 5 years ago she hardly lets me go anywhere without her. I get a girls night out maybe once every 6 months if im lucky.
Another problem i have is the actual meeting someone and introducing them to my child.
How many guys are willing to take on a woman with a young child.
I thought about internet dating but could anyone give me some advice on internet dating?

mumandtwo · 30/05/2012 15:12

I went on match.com! I had been seperated for 11 months after a 23 year relationship and feeling that i would NEVER be able to meet anyone else and would NEVER go on a dating website, but i did!! A friend of mine was on it and had just enjoyed a bit of flirting and had not actually met anyone off there, so I signed up just for a laugh and to see if i could remember HOW to flirt again!
The second man that i was exchanging messages with and then phone calls with was the man for me and still is after two years. I just couldn't beleive it! I thought it would be full of weirdo's and axe-murderers, but no, just normal people who don't want to just go out and meet someone in a pub.
What I liked about it was that you can put in all kinds of info about what you want in a man, so I thought that i would try with what my IDEAL man would be like, and then after that I would discover he didn't exist and then start over. But no, I got what i wanted, a lovely, caring, generous, gorgeous man!
I've got kids, he's got one son and we don't live together, we just see each other at weekends and holidays and it suits us all perfectly.
So I would say to you, based on my experience, give it a go! You don't have to meet up with anyone if you don't want to, just have a laugh and a look around first and see if you think it's for you. You don't even have to pay initially, unless you want to contact someone, you can just go on there, set up a profile and have a look! Good luck.... xx

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 30/05/2012 15:18

'I feel like my relationship was over for years before the separation.' same here, apart from some glimmers of hope and occasional happy times which kept me hanging on and hoping.
No I can't imagine how I will ever go on another date. I even joined a dating site 'just looking' and it put me off even more!
I think for me, taking things one day at a time I am quite happy as I am (anything is better than the way things were!) If I ever get into thinking about the long term and 'dying alone' as my dd so charmingly puts it, it does make me feel a bit sad.

I am still wondering when I will 'get the urge' to give dating a try.

susiedaisy · 30/05/2012 15:23

I left my exH around 18 months ago been divorced now for 6 months and am just beginning to think I might like to meet someone else but at the same time i am thoroughly enjoying being my own person making my own choices etc so think I will leave the Internet dating for a while longer besides which it scares the crap at of me at the momentGrin I also have two dc and am very conscious of not wanting to unsettle them by introducing anyone new, they have had a tough couple of years the same as me!

susiedaisy · 30/05/2012 15:24

Yes I agree I felt lonely in my marriage for several years before we actually separated, infact I have a hard job remembering what a loving affection relationship is like tbh!

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