tell me it'll be ok!

[Anothermummy]

I have name changed for this as I am too embarrassed to put my usual name.
I left an abusive relationship a while back (I have two children aged 1 and 3). It's been really hard and for a while ex was off the scene. He started to see the kids, which was fine. Stupidly, I slept with him a couple of months ago (a one off) and now I am pregnant.
I am so scared of being pregnant with 2 toddlers on my own (I will never take him back) and then of how hard it will be when I give birth and then with three children.
I'm not rich at all. I struggle to get by, even with some money from ex each month and now I will have another child. There is no chance I will have an abortion.

I'm already winding myself up about how hard it will be (i only found out today!) and have already started with the sickness/tiredness. Wtf am I going to do?! I don't even know who to tell as they will all think I am a total idiot and when should I tell ex? I'm really scared he's goig to try and get too involved.

Please tell me itll be ok!

Bump

You will be ok.
I'm sure it won't be easy peasy, and it'll be scary, but you will cope.
You were stong enough to leave- you'll be strong enough again.

I'm sorry, I have no advice, but congratulations, and all the best.

It is hard to tell you will be O.K but you know you will because you will have to be O.K.

I would tell your closest friend or family memeber, but dont rush it, you have only found out today, takke a few days for this to settle in. I would not imagine anyone who genuinly cares for you will think you are an idiot. you need to stop being so hard on your self as ultimatly you need to make this experience a positive one, its not an ideal situation but lets face it its not the end of the world, you already have 2 beautifull children and you will soon have 3 beautifull children.

I would not worry about telling xp just yet untill you have got your head around it your self.

Thanks :)
He ruined both my pregnancies so I'm hoping he can't ruin this one! At least he won't be under the same roof as me.
Thanks for reminding me of my strength - I'd sort of forgotten how much it took to leave and have been beating myself up for sleeping with him again. :(

You're right onitshead, my children mean everything to me so why wouldn't another one? I know I'll love it just as much I've just got to stop beating myself up over my mistake. I've sort of separated the two things in my head anyway. Am itching to tell someone though! The only person I could tell is my best friend but she is currently not happy with her husband because he doesn't want any more children so not the best topic/timing. I'll need to be a bit more sensitive to her.

I agree take some time to get used to the idea yourself as you don't know how everyone is going to react. So whatever they say you won't be swayed by it.

Also think of all the positives, you've given birth before, you've looked after newborns before and this time you will be in charge. Think of ways you can make things easier for yourself while you feel crap - easy food for dcs, minimal housework etc.

About your ex, think what you would be comfortable with - him going to scans or passing him a picture once you are done etc. Once you know what you want then think about telling him.

how are things OP. x

Hi, I'm ok thanks. Have been a bit up and down emotionally today and did absolutely zero work. Thankfully the colleague I share an office with wasn't at work today so didn't have to hide my feeling rough/emotional/doing no work. I also got to leave early as DD's nursery called to tell me she has chicken pox - couple of days off work can only be a good thing!
Thanks for all the positives, stranger. I hope I have a nice easy birth like the last two although I am scared about giving birth on my own and I live a long way from my family so will have to keep ex on side to look after the children during appointments/labour/birth. I wish I could do it totally without his support but it just isn't possible. I'm also scared something will go wrong - my son was born with a medical condition that needed ongoing treatment for the first year and needs surgery in the next few months (he's just been referred) so I'm scared something will happen to this baby.
I'm also supposed to be moving house at the end of June, which is going to be fun.
Just read that all back and I really don't feel as negative as I sound! I'm quite an anxious person anyway so can wind myself up about anything!
The practical things are a great idea - although skimping on the housework with two toddlers will be a bit tricky! What I've been doing is going to bed with them at 7.00, sleeping until midnight, getting up and clearing up then going back to bed - sounds like madness but seems to work well!
Thanks for asking after me, it's really kind. I almost told my brother today but managed to restrain myself! Am going to hold off until after the first scan.

I'm a total insomniac so know where you are coming from. where are you? pm me if you would rather If im close by I would be happy to help out. x

sounds like you have a lot going on even aside from pregnancy. I think if you had the urge to tell you'r brother is only a positive, even if you hold out untill you'r scan. It will feel good and normalise things when you finally are able to tell someone.

I hope all is ok with your DS, I can understand the added worry but that is not say that you will not and should not enjoy your pregancy some time soon. And take care around cp, one of those things that cant be helped, but my dd wqas very poorly with CP, so sometimes these usual childhood ailments come with their own added preasures.

I really hope all works out and if you need to support please post here I will look for updates. x

Congratulations on your little un

Of course you will be ok - you'l be ok because you have to be - hey what's the worst that can happen!
It will be hard at times like it probably is now but your strong & you will manage.

With regards to telling the ex - I would wait until your comfortable & I think only you will no when that is.

Good luck and don't be scared xxx