Building up contact before taking child on holiday

[jenrose29]

My daughters father has said that he is planning on taking our daughter abroad for 8/9 nights during the summer holidays but the most he has ever had her for is 3 nights, twice in almost 3 years. Usually he has her for four, but sometimes just two, nights per month and has never taken me up on having extra contact during school holidays. Again, I have offered extra contact for June half-term and said that he needs to build up contact time before the summer holidays to make it easier on our daughter if he wants to take her away. However, he has just got back from a week long stag-do in Vegas and so says he can't take any time off of work at the moment. He has said that his mum will have our daughter instead but she has mobility issues and I don't feel like she would be physically able to do so properly. Furthermore, the idea of extra contact during June is for him to spend extra time with our daughter to prepare them both for holiday in the summer which he wouldn't be doing if his mum cared for her as he works away and so wouldn't see her in the evenings etc.

He also can't collect her and so wants me to drive the 30 miles to take her to his mums house (three days after my baby is due) and drop her off but obviously I'm reluctant to make this agreement with it being so close to the baby being due as if the baby is late then I will be accused of blocking contact if I can't take our daughter over. Any suggestions on how this one can be resolved?

How old is your daughter ?

( am guessing 3 -4 )

given your other concerns about his care of her, his drinking etcetc that you have raised i am really surprised you happy with idea of him taking her on holiday for 8/9 days .... you dont have to let her go if it not in a court order .

but anyway - you cant commit to driving her to his mother.
so either he arranges transport or she doesnt go.

you are not blocking contact - just asking him to arrange transport.

ps normally i would say - if he sees her regularly i really dont see any problem with taking child on holiday without a big build up - holidays exicting nice time with quality time, lots of kids will go off with grand parents or other relatives without any issue. kids go off with school on trips etc.

but you have raised before some serious concerns about your ex and his care of your dd - eg drinking - and presumably on holiday he likely to be more inclined to drink than less??? and i myself would be much concerned over a longer stay - unless you know there will be other adult there more responsible than him.... who you could entrust dd to.

On the side issue, make clear in email or text (so you can keep a record) that yes, you are certainly making your dd available for access but he will have to make arrangements to collect her, given you are due to give birth at that time.

She's 4 and a half MrGin.

cestlavielife I'm not happy with her going for 8/9 nights but would rather push the 'need to build up contact' issue with him than the drinking one as that'd make him more determined to take her.

FashionEaster I have tried communicating about dates via email as obviously it is easier to consult diaries etc but he insists on only speaking about it in person - i.e. so there is no record. It is frustrating, but I always make my offers of contact via email so he cannot deny that they were there. I guess if it came to it, and he continues to only speak in person (and then get arsey when he doesn't get his way) then technically I can say he didn't respond to my offers as there is no record of it so it doesn't really do him any favours anyway!