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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

6 months after H left for OW...

9 replies

Msfreemama · 19/05/2012 08:43

I wanted to write a quick update because my post 6 months ago in 'Relationships' was in the immediate aftermath of H leaving me for OW he'd been having affair with for a year. I've got two DS's who were 3 and 18 mns at the time. OK, it's not easy. But life is munch better than it was living with H who clearly resented us and was constantly irritable and bad tempered. I've started running, and can now run 5k, aiming for 10k race in the autumn. I've started Ukulele lessons with a great teacher who comes to my house once a fortnight after the kids have gone to bed. I still work part time as a nurse but my manager has let me have regular shifts every week so I've been able to organise childcare. I've got a place to study for an MA at the local university in September. My eldest starts school in September, and my youngest starts playgroup so will have small windows of 'me time'. The teacher at my 3 yo nursery has told me he's 'calmer and happier' since his dad left. Relations with my ex are cordial, although he doesn't see the kids very often. It's hard not to feel resentful sometimes, especially as my ex and his girlfriend are always off on holiday or weekends away. But I'm lucky in so many ways. I have two beautiful children and have the privilege of watching them grow up every day. I never knew how amazing my family and friends are. And my ex's family have really been there for me too.
If you're going through something similar, have hope. Your life can be good, even if your family looks different from the way you imagined.
As for dating, not a whiff of anything! I'm clueless in that department, any tips gratefully received!

OP posts:
nkf · 19/05/2012 08:45

What a lovely inspiring post. Good on you.

joysofmotherhood · 19/05/2012 10:14

Congrats to you, sounds like you are doing a fab job. How refreshing is it to see a positive post, it really would remind us all that there is always hope for a better life. I can understand how life is calmer now it really is massive stress when things are not happy at home. I am living on own with ds since Jan, still feels like early days at times and exp can try do best to upset me but overall life is much more peaceful these days and I have no regrets. I am able to laugh and play again with my ds and thats priceless!.
As for dating, recently signed up for one month on a dating site. Early days see how it goes. Bit scary thoughts of it after 6 years but a bit of flirting may be something light rather than the seriousness of how relationships can go. Wishing you best of luck for a very happy and bright future!, its the least we all truy deserve. xx

chrome · 19/05/2012 10:17

You should be really proud of yourself OP :)

Hyperballad · 19/05/2012 10:19

Wow! Fabulous! May things keep getting better and better for you, thank you for sharing this. Best wishes.

HereIGo · 19/05/2012 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IWantSummer · 19/05/2012 16:10

Sounds like things are on the right track. Well done you Smile

Msfreemama · 19/05/2012 20:41

Our relationship wasn't great looking back. We were together for 13 years, married for 9. There were lots of good times but things went really downhill after DS2 was born. H started the affair a few weeks after the birth. TBH it was exhausting trying to make him love us, I've got loads more time to do the stuff I want to do since he left. I've been wanting to post for a while, and today was a good day (completed race for life in 28 mins!), but I have plenty of difficult days when I feel like a loser and the kids do my head in. But I know I'm not a loser, and none of the single parents on this board are. We're doing the job of at least two people, often with emotional stresses from ex partners. It helps to achieve things, so when I do feel gloomy I can remind myself what I'm capable of. Trying to get as independent as possible also helps; financially, in terms of childcare etc. And trying not to dwell on my ex's wonderful future (he's already engaged to his girlfriend, even though we haven't started the divorce process), and he's told me he's found his soulmate. I'm just crossing my fingers mine is out there somewhere! I'm 33, I might live for another 60 years, surely there'll be someone...

OP posts:
sarahseashell · 20/05/2012 21:03

OP you're only young! you sound lovely and you will definitely have other suitors Wink
what a lovely thread and congratulations and well done on your progress
Smile

wurper · 21/05/2012 15:40

Hey! Msfreemama... your story is elmost identical to mine... only i have 3 girls (not quite up with all the abreviations yet) 4, 5 and 7...oh, and i am a bloke. Thankfully they spend 3 weeknights with mum....but trying to keep her from introducing new bloke to the girls is a challenge.. he is awaiting trial for a firearms offence.. really made some good choice there! We were together 12 years and married 8, but 6 months ago she ran off with a tit she had known 6 weeks. Nice to know our relationship was so hightly valued!

anyway... so much of what you said rang true with me... particularly when you say, "I have plenty of difficult days when I feel like a loser and the kids do my head in. But I know I'm not a loser, and none of the single parents on this board are. We're doing the job of at least two people, often with emotional stresses from ex partners." - i had one of those tough days yesterday. I love to run and it has preserved my mental health over the years... and i am desperate to put my shoes on now after the weekend.

Re: dating... clueless too.. the world has changed. The last time i was on the market, mobile phones were a rarity and Mark Zuckerburg was probably starting preschool. It seems like hard work, but i dont really have time.. i have the girls and they are my focus at the mo. I feel like i have gone through my own enlightenment recently and feeling much more stable in my new found freedom and realising my previous situation wasnt so great... and yes, she has all this freedom, weekends to herself etc... but give me the choice between being with my girls and not... i will choose them everytime.

Life isnt so bad, and with great family and fantastic friends we are near invincible.

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