Ds is 14 and i've been increasingly concerned for him the last two years or so. His attitude stinks. He's awful to dd and treats me like dirt. To cut a long story short, he's lonely. He grew up here and had lots of friends he played with/hung around with in the street until a family moved in with kids from hell. They were awful to him, turned his friends against him, gave us abuse generally. Ds was the eldest and also got blamed for things he hadn't done by other kids and parents. The result was that I backed off from certain neighbours i'd previously thought were friends and ds just stopped going out.
He's become more and more withdrawn. I've tried to find him some activities to do but there is literally nothing in our area. He comes home from school, sits in his dark room on the laptop and wont respond to me when I call him. He is obsessed with role playing games to the point where I found out after i'd gone to bed he was pretending to be asleep, going downstairs and switching it all back on. He has been up until 4am apparently talking to his american "friends" online. I've taken away his laptop and phone before now and all i've gotten is abuse from him.
I've been at my wits end with him for a long time now. His grades are suffering at school, i've tried to get help from the school and I get nowhere time and time again.
I called his dad the other day about something unrelated and was shocked to be told I "need to do something about that kid". Apparently his dad is very concerned, he has been told by his partner that ds is posting inappropriate things on this role play chat and she's not impressed. He wouldn't tell me what these things were exactly, and did say that his partner has asked him not to say anything about it. I said that I should be told, because how else am I to know? When I walk into his room he shuts the laptop or the window he's using. He then suggests that ds "stay with him for a while" and i'm fuming.
I'm fuming because for the last 13 years, his dad has messed him about, had contact/not had contact. He's been to one school play, never a parents evening, never even been to his secondary school. Didn't take any interest in which secondary he went to, showed no interest when I told him I was appealing to get him into a better school. He's never organised or attended a birthday party. He's not taken him to a doctors appointment, he wouldn't even have him overnight when I went into labour with dd. I've shouldered all the responsibiity, all the worry, provided for us and done everything I can to make ds happy. Any time i've tried to call his dad to discuss anything he either wont answer his phone or screams at me...so I just gave up in the end.
Over this time I'VE been the one stable thing in ds's life, his dad has had numerous partners, moved in with different women, got married, got divorced, i've mostly been single, haven't lived with anyone since his dad. The woman he's with now seems lovely and I couldn't wish for a better stepmum but oh great that they have a lovely family unit and I dont...mainly because I put my kids first and dont parade someone in front of them unless I know it's going somewhere...which it hasn't of yet.
And NOW he's concerned? Now I'M not doing a good enough job?
It gets worse. I told ds his dad had suggested he stay there for a while and ds said "maybe that's a good idea". I'm so hurt and angry...i've done everything for that child, i've sacrificed so much for both of my kids....why?