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Original poster

Just heard my ExH (over the phone) shout at our DS (4)

11 replies

ToddlersRFab · 12/05/2012 19:42

"You are a horrible little boy"

DS was speaking to me on the phone whilst he was at exH tonight, he was not behaving very well, so I cut the call short as I don't like to hear my exH in the background telling him off.

At the end of the call they did not hang up, so I subsequently heard Exh shout at DS making him cry, and then went on to tell him how he fought to get to see him (I never stopped this, and I actually took it to court to formalise the agreement).

I am extremely annoyed at his comments of him being a horrible boy, and we have both been on a parenting course on how not to involve DC in the split.

What would you do?

I have a non molestation order against him until July, so we do not communicate freely.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 12/05/2012 20:10

Not much you can do.... Maybe speak to him?

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 12/05/2012 20:37

Not much you can do???? I would't bloody send him there! Sorry if that's not helpful but what an idiot! Sad for your DS and sorry you had to hear that...how worrying.

Original poster
ToddlersRFab · 12/05/2012 20:54

He is coming home tomorrow, and I will ensure that there is a hand over note.

ExH tells everyone how much he loves him, but he has no patience and shouts at him regularly, but not in front of others.

The marriage breakdown has been so hostile, and I am working so hard to ensure that DS is not affected any more than necessayr, and he has a stable and loving home. And DS is fab and he is a lovely little boy (and I know he is not perfect, he is a 4 year old after all) but to call him a horrible little boy is awful.

It is exH that is a horrible little man.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 12/05/2012 23:12

Is there a contact order, I'm assuming there is, hence there being not a lot you can do, take it back to court and the judge probably wouldn't want to know!

PigletUnrepentant · 13/05/2012 14:04

There is something you can do: keep a record, very factual, of what you heard and when.
Take note on when your child comes back upset and write down anything he says BUT just write what he say, don't ask any question more direct than 'did you have a good time?" to avoid your child amplifying whatever is going on.

Your concerns are more likely to be considered seriously by court if you can demonstrate that there is a pattern in the abuse, otherwise stuff will get writen off as one off.

Once all this is documented, it is easier to take action if the problems continue or deteriorate.

Meglet · 13/05/2012 18:25

I wouldn't let him see him unsupervised ever agin. And if I was 4yrs old I wouldn't want to go anyway Sad, at that age you know who is nasty and who is nice to be around.

I hate that children are sent off with abusive parents who shouldn't be in charge of a house plant, let alone the well-being of another person.

Sorry, no real help I know. But I wouldn't blame you if you looked into a way of sorting it out before your DS gets used to hearing it.

PigletUnrepentant · 13/05/2012 19:13

Meglet, if there is a court order in place, not letting him go may result in some disciplinary measures for the mother, including going to prison for 6 months. Obviously, if the mum is sent to prison, who do you think is going to be taking care of the child while she is away?

Unfortunately, thanks to some spiteful minority, a lot of resident parents are blamed of trying to block contact out of spite when they have genuine concerns for the child's welfare, and convincing the court that their concerns are worth any attention can take, well... years, unfortunately.

Meglet · 13/05/2012 20:12

piglet I know. But it's hearbreaking that the courts allow useless parents to treat kids like that and the resident parent can't take immediate action to stop it.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 13/05/2012 20:35

Move. Make it harder for him to see the fool.

purpleroses · 13/05/2012 21:42

Bit Shock that anyone is seriously suggesting the OP cuts all contact and denies her DS any relationship with his dad because he shouted at him.

Agree it's not a nice thing to shout, but on the other end of a phone you can't actually see what's going on. Maybe he'd done something really horrible. Yes, even then, the dad should have said "that's a horrible thing to do" not "you are a horrible little boy" but have any of us not said things in anger we'd regret later? I would simply talk to your DS, and ask how things are and if he seems upset about it, reassure him that his dad gets cross sometimes and says things he doesn't really mean. And if he is upset, let your ex know this - via email or someting non-confrontational. Sounds like your ex maybe needs to go on a bit more parenting courses, or an anger management one.

FannyBazaar · 14/05/2012 21:13

I totally agree with purpleroses, we don't know what happened, just what was heard.

Keep a close eye on things and see what happens when he comes back and how he is feeling about going again.

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