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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

When will I get used to the lonely evenings?

20 replies

bumbums · 11/05/2012 20:24

H moved out a month ago and I am finding the evenings alone hard. I'm bored, I'm lonely, I'm edgy cos i'm worrying about the divorce.

Sit on mn and fb all evening while watching tv.

When will being alone feel normal?

OP posts:
wishiwasonholiday · 11/05/2012 20:30

My dp works away all the time now (home every fortnight for 2 nights) so i realise i'm not as alone, but (maybe this is not a good sign) I enjoy him being away! No moaning, dirty clothes everywhere or hogging the tv. But I have a good group of friends who I see in the daytime (am a cm) and I am also usually shattered by 7pm! Do you have any friends you could invite for tea or a coffee?

At first the weeks used to drag but it does get easier as you get used to it.

brightermornings · 11/05/2012 20:32

I can't lie I love being on my own! My dc's are 17 and 10 the 17yr old is usually up after me! How old are your dc's? Could you not plan some nice treats when they've gone to bed a nice book or bubble bath?

bumbums · 11/05/2012 20:35

DCs are 3 and 5. I'm just not good alone. I enjoyed the first couple of weeks but now i'm just bored and lonely.

OP posts:
MissPricklePants · 11/05/2012 20:36

I have been an l.p for nearly 3 years and dd is nearly 3. I spend my eves on fb and mn with the tv on. Its v lonely but i am now unfortunately used to it, it gets easier to deal with x

bumbums · 11/05/2012 20:42

I guess I'll just have to make the most of nights out when they come. My parents are moving to be near me so I guess there will be evening classes etc when they are around.

Can anyone reccomend and good box sets for me to watch?

OP posts:
purpleroses · 11/05/2012 21:14

I'm rubbish at being happy in my own company too. But things to make it easier are:

  • invite friends over to yours
  • get a babysitter once in a while and go out - or use your parents once they come. Or invite them over for the evening.
  • watch a good film
  • get skype (or just the phone) and spend an evening chatting to a friend or relative - you can even make an evening of it by both getting some booze in.
  • in the summer holidays, you can get your DC into a later routine, and take them out with you a bit - eg to a pub garden, or BBQ or friend's house, or even for a walk to the park. If you all get back home together around 9pm, say, it won't feel like too long an evening once you've got them off to bed.
  • try internet dating Grin
brightermornings · 11/05/2012 21:17

I've just got the first series of mad men but I haven't watched it yet! What sort of tv do you like?

AmIthatbad · 11/05/2012 21:22

Sorry OP, don't mean to be a Buzz Killington Grin, but I have been single for 8 years now, and I still hate the lonely evenings and nights, so I can't see it getting better anytime soon. Sad

It's good that your family are moving nearer and will give you some nights to yourself. Embrace these opportunities and enjoy yourself.

I play sport in my lunchbreaks but would love to do more and night and would love to go to the gym more often, but without babysitters it's impossible. So if you get the chance, you might want to try something like that. Or a Zumba class!!!

It is hard when you have to do it all yourself, and have no input at all from a DP, financially or timewise. But you cope.

ledkr · 11/05/2012 21:22

You will get used to it especially when you feel emotionslly stronger. I was on my own for 5 yrs and grew to love it.
I used to be in bed about 9 with a good tv programme or book,i went to the gym some nights when i had a sitter,showered there and ut on my pjstrack suit and come home for a drink and off to bed. Sometimes i had a long bath and me and a friend would text updates throughout thr night for company.

MissPricklePants · 11/05/2012 21:37

I don't have nights out as I have no sitter and ex doesnt have dd overnight so I am stuck in the house every eve! ah well not much I can do about it. Box sets may I recommend being human, gilmore girls, big bang theory...anything really!

AmIthatbad · 11/05/2012 21:52

oooh yes .......Big Bang Theory.

or Seinfeld (if that is available on DVD)

or good old Father Ted and the 4 Blackadders.

guaranteed to cheer you up

But don't forget MN. Grin Many's the hour I have spent on here, when I should have been asleep

MissPricklePants · 11/05/2012 22:10

Yes to Father Ted and Blackadder!!

margerykemp · 11/05/2012 22:56

I was on my own with young DCs at one point. I re-engeged with pre-baby still single friends for the odd (every 3 months) night out. Having something to look forward to helps on the lonely nights.

I took a bar job at the weekend, more for the company than the money.

I did lots of journaling (before the days of blogging), have you considered poetry, non fiction, short stories?

I did some research into setting up an online at home business, think about your skills/ hobbies and see if they are marketable.

I paid a teenager to baby sit so I could go to a language leisure evening class at a college, there are so many and lots of young people go too, it's not just for pensioners. If you don't have childcare then you can buy teach yourself CD/books or hire them from the library.

I turned the supermarket shop into an evening out with DC by taking them to the cafe (v cheap) for tea after nursery/work then took my time round the aisles. By the time we got back it'd be bedtime so that was one day a week sorted.

I met another single mum and we swapped babysitting for breaks. Netmums [shocked] is good for meeting people irl.

You could experiment with interior design/DIY and do at home projects.

I never did this but you could use the time to cook batch meals to freeze.

When it's light at night don't think you can't take DCs out in the pram/ for a walk/ go to swings at 8pm if it's dry.

Also bowling is an evening activity you can do alone with young DCs in the eve.

bumbums · 12/05/2012 07:15

Thank you for the time taken over these responses. Couldn't do it with out you all. X Thanks

OP posts:
brightermornings · 12/05/2012 13:16

It will get easier.

Happylander · 12/05/2012 13:34

It gets easier. I was lucky in that my ex worked away during the week and I work shifts it was the weekends I initially found lonely. I don't now though as I have got to grips with meeting up with friends or just enjoying lazy time with my DS. It gets better and every one kept telling me that in 6 months time I would be much happier and I am.

Subscribe to Netflix and run it through Wii onto normal tele. It is great and as many box sets as you want on there.

smellyfeet · 12/05/2012 21:36

it gets a lot easier. I have been on my own since xp moved out last July.

I enrolled in an Open University course (for distraction), I also do some freelance work in the evenings. facebook, mnet and pre-recorded TV (I have always been the sado thats watched Neighbours, and went onto Eastenders for a while - Summer TV is hard).

It really does get so much easier, gradually. But I have never minded being on my own, and really enjoy it now.

I promise it does get easier :)

Victoria3012 · 12/05/2012 21:44

It will get easier, I've been on my own for nearly 3 years and for the first 3 months I was jittery, couldn't relax and kept playing things over in my mind. I started studying with the Open University (law degree) and that filled my time and gave me something to focus on. I hardly ever go out in the evenings because I don't have/can't afford a child minder but I've learnt to fill and enjoy my time alone. A friend told me to make the most of and enjoy my single years because one day I will meet someone and miss my own space and freedom.. Use the time you have on your own to indulge in hobbies, learning, reading and taking care of yourself..

Victoria3012 · 12/05/2012 22:01

In fact I would would go as far as saying I'm so settled on my own now that it's worries me Smile I think I've become very selfish, the thought of sharing the tv remote controls, my bathroom space, having to share my bedroom and wardrobes with someone else doesn't fill me with joy. I can eat when I want and what I want, I can watch crap tv, NEVER watch match of the day again and plump my cushions on the armchair without having my ex mess them up..
Embrace your singleness, I think when you can truely be happy on your own and be content with your life you know your onto a good thing.
Things will get better, use the time to spoil yourself and think about you want in life then go for it Smile xx

MissPricklePants · 12/05/2012 23:31

Victoria3012, the thought of moving someone in fills me with dread. I am far too accustomed to my own space!!

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