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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How would you feel?

17 replies

GeorgesMum2008 · 11/05/2012 18:02

Just saw ex's partners Facebook, when my ds was last going to stay her status was "can't wait for my boys to come home". I am happy she loves ds, they've been together a while, but I felt sick reading that. Wont say anything ofc but really feel upset by that. Ds is not "her" boy. How would you feel in this situation?

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nkf · 11/05/2012 18:15

I'd want to kill her but I'd also be glad she loves them. But then I think Facebook seems to be a sort of bragging channel so I'd take it all with a pinch of salt.

boredandrestless · 11/05/2012 18:16

I think it's inappropriate. The my and the home make it sounds like they are her dcs who live with her and have been visiting elsewhere. How often is your DS with her?

My DS has a step mum and she always refers to my ds as her step son, whichis correct and appropriate. I don't mind her writing gushing posts about him, or posting what he has been up to, or that they are having family time, etc.

What is she usually like? Is she doing this to annoy you/ cause an argument perhaps or is she just thoughtless and insensitive?

Original poster

GeorgesMum2008 · 11/05/2012 18:26

Ive met her once, we had a big disagreement through ex when he profile picture was my ds as I don't know her or who's on her Facebook. I asked for it removing she refused and she knew that pissed me off. She blocked me and I haven't looked at her page in about 6 months. Just looked today via a friends Facebook. She adores ds, which is good, sees him 3 days a month but the "MY" is what really fucking makes me sick.

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ChocHobNob · 11/05/2012 18:32

I know it's tempting, but don't look at her Facebook. You cannot stop her saying "my" boys. It doesn't look like she's doing it to wind you up if she has you blocked. You can't even make her remove a picture of the child because the father had obviously said it was ok.

All you're doing is winding yourself up.

washingonawednesday · 11/05/2012 18:52

Hmm- interesting point. I have it both ways. Split with my ex and my boyfriend has a son. When (boyfriend and i) we have both our kids on the same weekend I have been known to post on Facebook stuff like 'hitting the beach with all my boys' etc. we just went on holiday together for the first time and I posted that I was going away with 'all my favourite boys'.

It dosent mean I feel proprietary over my boyfriends son and it isn't meant as a dig, it's genuinely how I feel.

However, I am not friends with my ex or any of his family or friends on Facebook nor am I friends with dps exor her friends. I'm not sure how she'd feel if she knew.

You've definately given me something to think about, but in my case I can definately say it's meant in the spirit of inclusion rather than as a dig.

I'd be interested in what you think.

I know that my ex has a pic of his new partner (ow) kissing my son as his Facebook profile (ok I admit I had a little stalk last week out of curiosity ) and as much as I don't love it. She is his step mum and I'm happy that she's showing affection to my boy.

Peppin · 11/05/2012 19:00

It's horrible isn't it? I felt the same when I heard that my DCs' stepmum encouraged them to call her their "other Mummy". And told them they'd be better off living with her and their dad as I have a full time job (which I had to get - having been a SAHM - after the divorce because ex wasn't prepared to support me to stay at home looking after the DCs), while she doesn't work (and has no DCs of her own).

I wanted to tear strips off her but I just thought: "She'll never be their mother."

It's nice for your DS to have a warm relationship with her. Much better that than some Cruella de Ville type. Rest assured you are irreplaceable as far as your DS is concerned.

Original poster

GeorgesMum2008 · 11/05/2012 19:07

"my favourite boys" to me is very different to "my boys", maybe I am reading too much into it but who knows. I have also dated a single dad with a ds but never put anything on my fb about him and he lived with my then partner. But were only together for 8 months.

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purpleroses · 11/05/2012 21:26

Probably best just to pity her - if she really thinks that 3 days a month is being a parent, look at how much she's missing out on?

If a friend of mine posted something like that on FB about a kid they only saw 3 days a month I'd think they were a bit nuts - or rather sad.

boredandrestless · 12/05/2012 17:25

I agree purpleorses, I would think the same. I assumed the woman in question must see quite a lot of the OP's child, but quite the opposite! 3 days a month is barely anything!

The only person I know who puts things like this, does it in an inclusive way, but the little boy in question has recently moved in with his dad full time due to very dodgy home life going on at mum's house. My friend treats this boy as her own, so he feels part of the family unit (he has a younger, half sibling in the new relationship to contend with), and also because he actually NEEDS a mother figure. He is flourishing and friend is a model step mum. Very different situation to someone who only sees a child 3 says a month!

Original poster

GeorgesMum2008 · 12/05/2012 18:38

Yeh exactly he has a mum (me) and I adore him, she has none of her own kids.... I find it strange why she would put this?! It just completely unsettles me. Again pleased she loves him but it seems a very odd thing to put based on the amount of time she sees him. They don't even live together, he's at uni in Wales, she lives in Swindon with her parents, ds stays with ex at hers for the 3 days but she is 19 it's not like they're going to get married just yet. I'm really not happy about it I have to admit.

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BreakOutTheKaraoke · 12/05/2012 20:39

Be happy she loves him. He is part of her family too now, and at least she's showing she wants him there.

boredandrestless · 13/05/2012 13:08

Ah she is 19, doesn't live with him yet, and has no kids of her own. I would put it down to naïvety in this situation I think. I definitely wouldn't say anything to her or the ex, not sure if I said that before or not. Stop looking at her face book!

Sassybeast · 13/05/2012 15:43

She's 19 - she's a child and she'll get bored soon enough. Ignore her FB and remember that 'your' boy will be home with you soon.

IAmBooyhoo · 13/05/2012 15:47

if she was my friend and i saw that on her fb i'd think it was really strange to say that. especially as she only sees him 3 days a month. i think it could be her age and perhaps, she's trying a bit too hard, as in putting it on fb so everyone she knows thinsk she's really loving the whole stepmum thing. it's a bit boasty IMO for someone who sees him so little to post that. my guess is she doesn't really feel that way but is trying to fake it.

IAmBooyhoo · 13/05/2012 15:48

and it's probably a bit of a novelty atm for her. at 19 she will get bored pretty soon.

blackeyedsusan · 13/05/2012 16:14

otherr mummy? that would annoy me. it is bad enough when dd had an imaginary other mummy... and used to loudly poclainm in the supermarket,...my mum said... grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Original poster

GeorgesMum2008 · 13/05/2012 18:20

Thankyou guys, they have been together 3 years so I'm not sure about her getting bored :S I know it sounds silly but I have had 2 nightmares since this with her playing mum to ds. It's really bothered me, I think maybe because when my step sister was 9 she decided she didn't want to live with her mum anymore and came to live with us (step-dad and co) as her mum was the one telling her to d homework and for a 9 y/o she wanted to be with us as it was party time whenever she visited. Got me thinking what if that happens that happens with ds??! She is good with him and does loads of fun things those 3 days whereas I'm working and studying etc what if he prefers it there :(

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