Letting ex take ds on holiday?

[GeorgesMum2008]

Ex's parents live in abu dhabi. ds is 3 (will be 4 when he wants to go). Our agreement is alternating christmas', this christmas he wants to take ds to abu dhabi. He has ds 3 days a month and makes little to no effort in between those times. Dumped me as soon as we found out I was pregnant, you no how it goes...Get zero maintenance (he's a student) and I'm uneasy about him taking ds on a long haul flight to see grandparents who make no effort to keep in touch whatsoever. Would you let your ex take your dc?

No way, i would tell him he needs to show that he is more supportive & involved before even considering that! You hear about awful stories about young children going missing when they were supposed to be just going on holiday for a week... My birth father lived in Africa, like your situation he left my mum when he found out she was pregnant. My mum would never have let me go to visit, just in case. When I was older I went to stay with family but much older (15yrs) they can always come and see him here if they want to be involved....

I totally respect he's his father, I got Skype to allow ds and ex to speak yet ex never bothers. I've practically had to beg him to come see ds on his birthday. Ds very upset every time he goes to see his dad so I'm very uneasy with the whole thing.

That was following lots of visits with my mum x

Yes that's what I was thinking if they want to see ds they are welcome to come here but again they make no effort whatsoever. Maybe that is part of my issue, I feel if they are unwilling to come here why should ds be sent there like some toy they can play with for a few weeks and then send away again. Ds grandmother from africa also, I'm waiting for "Oooh lets take him to africa to see great grand father".

I find it very hard to believe that anyone will come along and say let him go. I am probably wrong, but what you are talking about isn't a paternal relationship, he is not a "father", he is however missing out on his son. More fool him.

I'm all for equal rights, but erm no, now way.

What nationality is your ex and is Abu signed up to the hague convention?

I would, and regularly do, 'let' xp take ds abroad. But then he is a fully comitted parent, no less involved than i am.

In your position, with this man who only plays at being daddy when it suits him, i think id tell him to take a running jump.

He is British, he lives in Uk, his parents emigrated there 2 years ago. He was also being very generous offering to pay for the passport- now I realise it's so he is the named parent- I have just finished filling in first stage of passport application so hopefully I receive it and he can't just take ds...

3 days a month? isnt that pretty much like every other weekend?

I wouldnt say thats 'barely knowing him' id call that regular contact.

Is this anything to do with the parents paying for your EXs girlfriends flight over? [as in your other thread]

Though I can understand your frustration at him not contributing financially.

3 days per month with 'little or no contact' in between. Nah, thats not a parent.

3 days at the end of the month, I think thats a big difference between weekends because the time in between is so long. And I think the reasons I'm uncomfortable with ds going are clear... If he was an involved parent there would be no issue, and I even drive ds to see ex 400 miles because he cannot afford the journey. I want what is best for ds.

I want what is best for ds

Let him go then.

I truely do understand how frustrating you find being your sons sole provider and carer apart from those 3 days, but its highly likely that your son will have a great time and it will no doubt forge his relationship with his GPs...and dad.

This is temporary, once your EX has finished uni and is working he will have to support him financially and hopefully will be closer[?] and more available for contact.

The other option is to go out too, my bf has to do this because the father of her children is so incompetant he won't pick them up to take them to ex IL's for xmas, expects her to and then will call 6 hours in and tell her he can't cope fuckwit, he also goes months with out calling them and then will treat one better than the other so will take one out 2x per month then not see them for 6 months then take the other one out and spend £££ on that dc.

Fuckwit.

Yes. He should go, it would be great all round

BUT

I would suggest a build up with lots more contact before. Lots.

Unfortunately I can't afford to go out too. Amberleaf ex has no intention of moving closer after uni, I have asked him but because his gf is happy in Swindon (We are in Chester, by n.wales) he's going back there. He just doesn't seem to prioritise ds.

Would your son want to go?
Would he enjoy it?
Would he be safe?

If he isn't prepared to spend more time with his ds prior to departure than I would halt the expedition. I am all for fathers rights I really am, but fathers not people who seem themselves as occasional brilliant parents

he has 6 months to step up to the mark and he needs to prioritise his ds whilst fitting in his sex life/work life.

If he was a hands-on, committed father who knew his son well and his routines and so on, AND if your ds was a little older then maybe yes.
This scenario, no way.

I think your situation is tricky and I must say that I would find it hard to be fine about it, partly due to lack of contact and partly because it is such a long journey. It is not as if they can just pop back if things don't work.

My situation is a bit different but still similar in a way. My DS is six. His father and I split up when he was one. Ex has not been great and does not see DS a lot - once a month for a few hours.

Ex's mother lives within an hour of DS and me and yet NEVER comes to see him or make any contact APART from expecting him to come and stay with her so they can have a lovely "family" christmas. DS is surprisingly fine with it (as far as I can see) although he does refer to her as "that lady" he has gone there every year since he was two. I totally resent it as I spent 363 days per year having sole responsibilty for DS then two days a year Ex and his family swoop in and have christmas with him.

DS is only an hour away when he goes (although as I do not have a car it would not be easy for me to actually go get him) so it is not the same as your situation.

Have you asked your ds what he thinks? very tricky.

As soon as I mention the word 'daddy' to ds he starts screaming, I have started to spell out his name when talking to others about him if ds is around as he just gets so upset. I don't know if this is normal or not but obviously can't and wouldn't stop ds seeing his dad, he does come back from his happy, but on going he is v distressed.

Wow that's very good of you to send son to your ep family every christmas. We alternate- ex's birthday is also christmas day so its extra "special" for him.

I'd echo what beebacksoon said.

Initial thoughts are your ds will be too young.

My brother and family live in LA and my parents go out there at least once a year to see the grandchildren. I imagine if the parents live in Dubai their not short of a few bob. They might have made the effort to visit their grandchild.

But, obviouly your XP will be spending more time with dc. That's positive at least.

I, as an NRP who sees a lot more of my dd, was / am mindfull of my dd's wellbeing of course. I wouldn't contemplate taking her a long long way away unless I was confident she'd be fine.

I think you'd be perfectly reasonable to say 'maybe not this year as dc is still young, give it a year, and in the meantime if your parents can show a bit more f*cking interest ever want to visit you can have dc for a week a bit nearer if anything goes wrong

They're = their :)