How do you do for you DC have contact with ExP's parents?

[MsBakingCakes]

We live hours away from DD's dad and family so she does not seen them very often (every 8 weeks, his decision). So now DD has started to ask to see her nanny. So I was just wondering what others do.

I don't have any problems using skype if DD wants to see them but I am not sure how they will react, we don't have a relationship. We have not done it yet but I was considering starting doing it for DD. She is 2.8 years old so I will have to do it instead of her arranging it.

Any thoughts welcome, thanks

It wouldn't work for me. It is up to your ex to maintain that relationship - if he chooses not to, then tbh, that isn't your concern. I do have a very high-conflict relationship with my exH though, so it might work if both you and your exIL are prepared to put all your own feelings to one side, and they don't try and get involved in issues between you and your ex, or relay messages and such like.

It's also worth considering how your ex will react - I am estranged from my parents partly because they chose to develop a far closer relationship with my ex and his stbDW than they ever had with him when he and I were married.

If you think that your DD will benefit from contact with a grandparent-type figure, and your parents are not around, then what about a more distant relative, family friend, or neighbour? There are even community "adopt a granny" schemes that link families and older people together

notadisneymum at your parents,how awful for you.

op it doesnt sound as if they are bothered tbh.How about writing to them and saying that dd asks about them and would like to see them more?

I went to see my mil when we split and told her she could see them when she liked,she hardly bothers and then moans she ever sees them

I guess it depends on how strongly you want your dd to develop a relationship with her nanny. If it's important to you then you could suggest skype - if they say no, at least you'll know you tried.
I have a very difficult relationship with my ex, but still have quite a close relationship with MIL strangely enough (despite the break up being very unpleasant). She sees much more of my dc through me than through my ex. On the whole it works - she's very supportive, and the kids love seeing her.

Mine have pretty sporadic contact really - when we first split up my ex's mother cried down the phone to me and was really anxious that she'd lose touch with the DC - so I did reassure her quite a lot that she was their grandma and that that still stood, no matter what her son did. But these days she's much more relaxed about things. He takes them to visit his parents once a year or so, and we speak on the phone a few times a year. If they were local I think I would try and develop the relationship a bit more myself - as long as my ex didn't feel undermined by me doing that. But I think that you'll struggle do do much to help DD have a relationship without building up a bit more contact yourself. Are they near enough to babysit? Any idea if they are keen?

Thanks to all of you. They live even farer than ExP so it will not be possible for me to visit them, although not sure if I would be welcome to their house. When ExP and I were together we didn't visit them a lot (ExP choice) and they don't know anything that went on between ExP and I before separation. However they did try for DD and not to move from where ExP lives offering all kind of help. Too little too late!!!

DD has not been asking about her nanny until the last visit. When we moved (6 months after separating) they called us once and I told them that they could come to visit DD any time they wanted and they could also call her. However that has not happened at all.

DD only sees them when she is with her father or if he is at his parents house when we skype him at the weekend but then he do not allow his parents too much interaction with DD.

I think next time DD ask for her nanny I will give them a call so she can talk to them. My parents live abroad so no other granparents around.

Thanks for all your comments

My dc's see there nanna (ex-mil) every week she has them overnight on a Friday. Ds is 17 and still goes. My relationship with her is okish we stay off certain topics I usually only see her for 30 mins every other week. My own mum passed away a long time ago so she is there only nanna.

When my husband and I seperated his mum came round to talk and was upset about how they'd be losing a daughter in me, as well as a grandaughter in my daughter. A few months after seperation my daughter mentioned that she wasn't seeing his parents much so I wrote to them, enclosed a picture she'd drawn for them and told them that they are welcome to come and visit her any time and be as involved in her life as they would like to be. I never heard from them. I kept a copy of the letter and if any blame is ever sent my way for their lack of relationship (he is too busy with his girlfriend to take DD to see his parents) then at least I can say I tried. It is just a real shame as I have no family whatsoever and her fathers parents are lovely so I would really have liked them to have been involved with her life. But hey ho, it's their choice.

My ex's parents are dead, his mother died a couple of years back. I did still write to her, sent pictures and said she was welcome to see DS anytime. Ex took DS there maybe twice when we first split up but didn't make much effort to keep DS in touch with the family. I still email or write to some of the ex-inlaws, only the ones who reciprocate though! I have taken DS to see his Great Aunt and Uncle and had an Aunt, Uncle and Cousin round to visit earlier this year. I need to push them though. TBH I think ex probably says to them he will bring DS but doesn't bother to arrange it with me and maybe even says I won't let him, which is one reason I like to make it clear that I encourage DS to have contact with family.

My DS sometimes asks questions like where do his cousins live, then there is the awkward moment when I point out which ones live in the same city and he asks why he has never seen them... He sees more of my family who live on the other side of the world!