Rejection

[newhorizon]

Sorry, I'm just on a rant. I think it's so unfair the way ex's just walk off into the sunset without a care in the world for their off-spring. How do they do it? Is there something wrong with them? Surely it's natural instinct to look after your young?

Not alone was I rejected when he left and married ow but he has also rejected his dd including her financial welfare. I had to pick up the pieces.

We have created our own lives, but every now and again...the anger just seeps to the top again. Today, I can't contain it, I'm fuming. How do you move on from this anger?

I am chasing him through the courts for child maintenance but nothing seems to be happening - going on a year now (I'm not in UK). It's so frustrating.

I'm normally really busy, have a full-time responsible job but I'm off on a few days study leave - probably too much time on my hands!

Some men seem to be able to completely detach themselves emotionally and in every other way from their kids. I don't understand it either, my dds dad decided he didn't want to be a father and has never met his dd she is now 6yo. I have never had a penny off him.

I feel angry for my dds sake and when she is feeling sad about not having a daddy I feel like this but most of the time I feel grateful for having a lovely dd and not having to share her with anyone!!!

I don't understand it either. I'd walk over hot coals and cut my arm off to see my dd.

It's not just dad's I'm afraid. My Grandad's mother walked out on three young boys never to see them again, my Aunt did the same thing.

It is incredibly frustrating. My children do see their father but it has slowly dropped to
a few hours a week. He doesn't pay child support either, and tries to make out that I'm unreasonable for expecting it.

The sad fact is that now I don't expect any better from him. He has prioritised his new family over his children and there is nothing I can do about it.

I do have moments when I can't believe how he's changed into such a selfish coward from a lovely kind man. I'm reluctant to ever start a new relationship as I couldn't face it all again.

Hello new! I share your frustration. The out of sight out of mind mentality can drive you crazy....if you let it. I try not to. I don't think most people can erase their own kids from their memory and thoughts easily!!

I have an 8 month old dd and her dad has never been to see her or helped. However I have just started back at work and have noticed a huge change in my attitude and ability to deal with complex situations.

It is the absent parents who miss out....smiles, cuddles, fun times!!! xx

Thank you for taking the time to respond and I know I'm far from the only one in this position. Ex was in dd's life for near on 4 years. He watched her being born, walk, talk etc and then just discarded her like you would a piece of rubbish.

Girliefriend and MissMogwi - are you not in a position to claim support through the CSA?

MrGin - you rarely hear of women leaving their children, although as you have pointed out it does happen. I also know of someone local to me who also left her children and that is how she is refered to 'that's the one who left her children'. As I said in my previous post - there is obviously something amiss with these people.

We can't do anything about their behaviour, only our own. As I said, the anger rises to the surface every now and again and it's good to let off steam. It's good to hear iykwim, that others are in the same situation.

you rarely hear of women leaving their children, although as you have pointed out it does happen.

In my experience, it does happen nearly as often as with men, but mothers tend to be excused and sympathised-with for doing so, whereas men tend to be demonised.

I wouldn't go through the csa because part of me feels like I don't want anything from him but another reason is because I know three other mums who all work at the csa office and I would not want them having access to very confidential information.

Notadisneymum I am not sure about that statement I would think it equally unforgivable for a mum or dad to abandon their child

NotaDisneyMum, I don't live in the UK and It wouldn't be a common practice where I live. As I mentioned, the woman in my area is not referred to by anything only 'that's your one who left her children', effectively ostricised by the community. On the other hand, my aunt who lives in the US would agree with you. To abandon a child by either sex is shameful behaviour.

That's a pity girliefriend, but I can understand why you wouldn't want anything from him. I feel the same way sometimes and then I think why should I let him trample all over our dd. I'll keep plodding along with the court system - keep your fingers crossed something happens this century!

Sorry to jump in but girliefriend, if you know people who work at the csa you can tell csa this on opening a case and your case will be made "sensitive". Only a select few will have access to it. They made my case sensitive (I don't actually know why for sure, I think it's because my ex knows someone who works there) and I had a hell of a game getting into it. So if that's your main reason, it might be worth looking into.

As for the original subject of the thread...I just have no idea. I've spent too many years wondering how someone can walk away from their child. I will never understand it, and so now I don't try to. It would be a complete waste of my time and emotions!

I know exactly how you feel. My Ds has a truly awful biological father. He doesn't see any of his three existing children - all by different mothers and all in different towns or pay for them. He threatened to kill me for contacting the CSa.
He now has got his latest girlfriend pregnant, she lives in the same town as us.
He truly makes me sick. He doesn't care at all. I don't know how he lives with himself.

I have no idea too. I guess the lure of the OW allows them to be distracted from, and even forget, their children and responsibilities

I do think my ex is able to compartmentalise emotions and as far as he is concerned I no longer exist on his radar, but to ignore his child and responsibilities i just cannot understand at all. Is so utterly bizarre. Tired I don't know how mine lives with himself or sleeps at night either.

oh gward this has remined me of the day ds was born and the full 5 days in hospital. Visiting times all the dotting dads used to come in with balloons etc and craddling their babies...I felt such a freak! I had to close my curtains whilst I wept.

I did forget about that so it must get easier then!

BHs hard as you see a lot more 'families' out and also not having financial input of ex can't afford to always do what ds wants to do on BH weekends.

Tiredmummyneedswineandsleep I am going to PM you as me too attacked and threatened for 3yrs re maintenance.

In my experience, it does happen nearly as often as with men, but mothers tend to be excused and sympathised-with for doing so, whereas men tend to be demonised.

Eh? It's my experience that people tolerate men leaving as the norm but a woman leaving is only slightly different to murder.

Have pm'ed you back Sea. I too remember the days in hosp. I was in mon-fri and it broke my heart for Ds as also saw all thr proud doting dads.
Ditto bank holidays!