Should anything happen...

[StellaBrillante]

...my 13 yo DS' life would have to be turned upside down as (highly unreliable and totally uninvolved) ex lives miles and miles away. Apologies if this has come as a topic before but I'd welcome other parents' experiences and how you've gone about making arrangements should anything happen to you.

We don't have any family around and my closest friend lives abroad. There are other friends dotted around but only one who could possibly step in who also lives very far away, albeit in the UK.

Financially, DS would be ok as there is my life insurance in trust and pension but it's the practicalities of where he'd live etc which are keeping me awake at night!

I've made a will with my wishes, my dd is only 5. I'm very lucky, I have a great mum and stepfather who will step into the breaches if anything happens to me. No-one else. Her father is no longer in her life and he wouldn't want to take care of her anyway.

There must be someone, do you have any family? or a very close friend who you know would look after your ds?

My ex is local so at present I have left the kids in his care in my will. Whether he'd actually cope with them full time I'm unsure, and may review it in time as they get used to living with my DP.

Were you married to your ex? If you weren't then unless he has gone to court to get it, he won't have PR, which means you can do as newhorion suggests and make a will indicating who should have him. Your ex could still go to court to try to overturn this, but it's what would would happen at first at least. If you were married, or ex has got PR by going to court, then you can't legally do anything about the fact that he would get DS, so anything you suggest would have to be with your ex's agreement. If you know this won't be forthcoming there's probably not much you can do about it.

But in terms of who could have him - does he have any close friends who might have him during term time maybe, with going to extended family at the weekends? You're right as he gets older, staying where he is will probably become more important to him than who he lives with.

Are your family not alive, or just not local? I did know an elderly couple that came from Ireland to live near me to care for their grandchildren for a couple of years after their mother died. The kids were young and eventually they took them back to Irleand, but it gave them time to get used to adjust first. Would your family be willing to relocate? But hopefully it won't ever arise so best not to lose sleep over it!