CONTACT AT A CONTACT CENTER

[tjgx]

HO ALL ;)x..hope u are all well...im in a muddle and i realy odnt know what to do...fot those of u who dont kbnow me plz look at my last 2 threads..LOST,,CONFUSED...ok right x has got solictors involved...he has not seen baby j since he was 10 weeks old j is 8 months now...as u are aware x ha sput me through so much crap for the last yr and half...and his family...ok well he has got contatc at a contact center..every other saturday for 45 mins...my solictor has picked a center which is miles away from me as she wants to see if he will put in the effort,,he couldnt put the effort in even when i live upstairs from his mother the wicked witch of the block..so i cant see him bothering...now for me to get there i have 2 get 2 buses...n i have 2 be there by 10am..i dont know how im going to do it but i will..i do have concerns about the contact center..it isnt a very nice place i think for any family to go to..but i agree if it makes a situation easier then so be it...he has done nothing for j j doesnt even know him..i really dont want to be doing all this...all this 4 45 mins ...x name isnt on birth cert...he was never nasty 2 baby always abusive to me..as your all aware ive alot of other issues in my life that ive 2 deal with that still arent resolved..ive now got post natal depression..and getting councilling for all the shit they have put me through..i dont think im up 2 all of this...can i refuse to do it..i know a child should know both parents..but all x has done is abuse me verbally...n threatend me all the time..he has made threats b4 that he would kill me n the baby, he said that all 2 me when i was pregnant with j..and once after he was born he was areested for it ..plz help im very messed up x

they will prob say let him have contact regardless as the contact centres are supervised anyway and he wont be let alone with j. You can stress you dont even want this but tbh it will look better if you let the contact happen for now. If he is an arse then he might not even bother to turn up anyway! I don't know of your circumstances did you leave him? i will have a quick skim back thru now

hi tjgx

I don't really understand the stage that you have reached regarding contact. You have a solicitor so has your ex instructed his own solicitor? has he made an application to the Court?
I have read some of your posts and it appears that you are anxious about the way your ex behaves.
If you are truly fearful that your ex may harm you or the child then you should make this clear to your solictor.
The law is heavily in favour of contact-however not at all costs and in more recent times Court have been at least willing to listen to allegations of domestic violence etc in determining issues of contact.

have just read your posts lost.confused etc, and have to say make your sol aware just how anxious you are, that way supervised contact is a must

Hi chipkid..both of us are dealing with sol my sol has told his that conatct can take place but only at the center..due to his drink n drugs n abuse towards me..sol has told him that he will get 45 mins every other sat!!

but Tjgx has anybody applied their minds to the future-contact centres in my area are for limited duration not usually forever. If he wants the contact to move on you need to flag up now the issues that make you afraid and make it clear that you will not agree to unsupervised contact unless you are sure that your ex poses no risk to your children.

hi..i feel so far everything is done to please him...i will be on the visit...watching...just so that he doesnt drop j n all that...it seems it doesnt matter that he has all these problems an all the abuse n threats r immaterial...i am scared that if i start to refuse certain things...im scared it will go to court n a judge will say he has granted access to him..ive got really bad post natal depression rite now n feel so confused

donot be frightened by the possibility of Court-particularly if you have the attitude that you are not against contact itself but you are worried about your ex's drinking, drug use etc.
Yes he will proabably get contact-but the sort of contact will depend upon the level of concern about your ex.
If he is using drugs-no Judge that I know would allow unsupervised contact. Until he can prove that he has cleaned up his act.
Give the contact centre a try-but donot be bullied into allowing contact that you feel puts your children at risk before having the opportunity to have your concenrs investigated and examined.

thanx chipkid...i feel like my brain is doing overtime...u no trying to take things all in...then only work it out to its worse..i see what happens with the first few few visits...if he intimidates me in anyway...then i cut it short n leave well u cant get any shorter than 45 mins...my sol says contatc will take place there until i say otherwise..is this true...as in if i want to do this way 4ever then its up 2 me

if at any point you start to feel uncomfortable then you can leave whenevr you want, you dont have to wait for 45mins to pass

thanx pepperpots..you see i thought i would have to stick out the 45 mins with him i know him n i know when we do go he will start

if you feel in any way threatned or uncomfortable just tell them that you are taking j home. They cant stop you and after all the welfare of j is paramount

hiya again, glad youre getting advice of others, especially chipkid, shes advised me brilliantly before so i was hoping she'd pop up!i was hoping only to take my ds to contact centre once a month for an hour but if youres is getting every other fortnight i bet my ex will as well, its such a bloody nuisance coz my elder boy will suffer as i watch him play footie on sat mornings.

pepperpots, my parents went to the sols about me representing myself and all the hassle with legal aid, apparently they are going to ring me. i posted on here the other week about the legal aid and theres so many mums/dads that have represented themselves. i think you have to contact the judge and exes sols to have mail sent to yourself and then just get on with it. my sols not doing much anyway so wont miss her. ive got to prepare a statement for court and my friend is going to help me do it, ive seen one so i know roughly wot to include, apparently they dont like waffle (learnt that on here)

see i didnt know i really thought i had to sit there i didnt know i was sble to leave if i wanted to ..im nieve to all of this even though im js mum..i still feel what rights have i got u no they have made me feel like he has all the rights x couldnt even visit j when we are upstairs from his family i made it so easy 4 him...now its at a center miles away 4 45 mins..y has he chose it to be this way when i was playing fair all along..

7777777 no contact has been made with the judge as yet, but dp xp sol has been contacted and all mail is now sent direct to him.

tjgx, my ex had to do a parenting course for 4hours!and then he thought he knew everyting, hes not got a clue!he wasnt allowed even supervised access till he did it(that was when i had a good solicitor). he actually said to me "ughh so when you change a nappy you have to put cream right round his actual arse hole", how gross is that and divvy if you ask me.

his access at centre will be supervised, im not leaving a 16month old with hordes of strangers, poor kid and im sure no mother would either.

hes now moaning about court costs!would you believe it, he started court cases when ds was 3half weeks old. its his own fault as far as im concerned and he can see it through to the bitter end! ooooh sorry, i had a bitchy waffle

7777777 when j dad first seen j...u no how a baby feeds every 2 to 3 hrs well he said o no u musnt feed him that amount he will get fat plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz how stupid of him the mug...o yes i wil let my baby starve...so lets not feed him...then he also said that i shouldnt change him as much...feck sake...how would he like to lie in his own shit..opppsss i 4 got he does now )))

when my ex saw my ds for the first 11 days of his life, on average he visited every other day for an hour, he told his solicitor that i was making the baby go to sleep when he visited!ugh dumbo!newborns sleep a lot