Feeling down - coping with a horrible split

[MagicHouse]

I've had a couple of glasses of wine tonight.
This is really a post for anyone who's come from a very unpleasant split.
How do you cope with an ex who you KNOW to be an unpleasant person, who you've seen behaving in a bullying way with your dc, but with nothing provable gets access with them.
Our split was pretty horrific, and I discovered some pretty awful things about my ex. But nothing illegal or provable happened ( police and social worker advice - although everyone I spoke to was pretty shocked and was advised to remain "vigilant" after everything I found out - my solicitor said it was the worst divorce petition she'd dealt with in 30 years).
How do you cope with being expected to be positive about someone to your dc, when you have neverending concerns about them.
There's no answer to this really.
I try my best - I try not be negative about him with my dc. In a previous post I mentioned my dd having nightmares. She says " I do like my dad but I don't want to go there....." I get so torn with putting my own feelings aside, but not wanting to dismiss her worries.
Not sure what I'm asking for really - a few virtual hugs maybe!

I don't really know what to advise but didn't want to read and run. My split wasn't nice but sounds like yours is much worse.

Just try and be as strong as you can for your dc. Do you have a good support system around you? Family?

I always try and talk positively to my kids about their dad but the words stick in my throat. But equally I do try and be honest with them as well.

Unmumsnetty hugs hun x

Thanks for your reply :-)
I do have a lovely network of friends and family.
Not sure I can ever come to terms with the reasons for our split though.
Friends keeps saying if I keep providing a positive home for my kids, and show them they are respected and loved for who they are, this will be such a good role model for them.
It does make me want to cry sometimes though, that they no longer have me as a buffer when they are with him. I always used to protect especially dd from his moods etc

My ex was abusive and has a drink problem. We have been in and out of court for 2.5 years. I had to take the children to supervised contact, I even supervised contact myself for several months, so I have bent over backwards to assist the continuation of his relationship with the kids. It has really taken its toll on me physically and mentally. I was doing a full time degree and only just managed to finish it. I have been on beta blockers for panic attacks and sometimes very depressed, though I have a great new partner and a chance of a decent life, supporting myself and the children. It IS really really hard to put on a positive attitude toward someone to whom you have only negative feelings. And children know their mothers. I have been grateful when he has had no contact at all, life is so much more peaceful.
Family and friends have said how 'strong' I have been but at times it has felt close to the edge of a breakdown! Empathy, and virtual hugs...

Thanks for the reply angrywoman. Sorry you've been through such a tough time.

Sorry, got carried away there.

No need to say sorry! It helps to hear from others who have found this sort of situation difficult, although sad to hear what other people go through. Sounds like you are coming through it after a difficult time, which is inspiring. xx