Its hard being a single mummy and making the right choices!

[happyhappymummy]

Im a single mum to 3 children and at the moment not working.
When my husband left i was forced to give up my job as I was paying out more in childcare than i was earning.
My ex has stopped paying his half of the mortgage and pays me £9.98 a week maintainance.
The children go to him every other weekend and thats the only input he has for their upbringing.
Im now in arreas and have a certain amount of time to start paying my mortgage, int only is out of the question as Iv been on this for 3 years and they are not willing to extend.
My youngest starts school in september and was hoing to complete a hairdressing course to be able to earn money when qualified.
I cant work aswell as the course is full time. If I do
Do I give up on my hopes of being a hairdresser and work instead? (no qualifications) so it will be a super market or warehouse or something. This line of work I have always done whilst bringing up the children and was waiting for the opportunity (youngest to go to school) to do something want to do.
I have been looking forward to starting college and one day was hoping to teach hairdressing, long term goal.
At the moment I get my int paid for me so going back to college I will still get this and just find the capital. If I work I have to find int and capital.
Hmm anyone confused yet?
I make sense to myself.
I guess I would just like to here from some friendly single mummies who may have been in the same position and can give me some words of hope maybe?

I would try for the course as you are unlikely to be able to earn much and may well be less well off with interest taken into account.

at least then you will be on the road to somewhere better rather than marking time.

Thanks foolonthehill this is what Im thinking but Iv got to find capital and I dont know where Im gonna find it. Up until now its been int only but now I have to find capital and only get help with int. Im going into arreas as we speak. I think its going to go to court, Im kinda hoping the judge will not see us on the streets or maybe a miracle.

There are one-off grants for people going back into training...depends on age I think....check with student welfare at your the college and with local council website/direct gov website

Have you had legal advice about your divorce/separation? Your X is not allowed to waltz off and stop paying his share of the mortgage. If he is refusing to pay then you need to accept immediately that he is your enemy, not your friend and make no concessions to him. Talk to a solicitor, talk to the CAB, set the CSA on him. If he has threatened to make life difficult if you don't allow him to do what he wants, ignore him and use the law anyway.

Thanks fool I will ask about that :)
solidgoldbrass.. Im in the middle of the divorce and my solicitor has advised me to sell as she says someone has got to pay the mortgage. As Im not working this is impossible so she said you will have to work.
I have been to csa and its the right amount he lives with his new gf and has a very low wage at min wage.
This is what I cant understand how he can just walk away but the mortgage company see it as someone has to pay this mortgage or its going to court.
I guess what I need to ask is am I hoping on a miracle and carry on with the course? Let it go to court. Do I work? Pay the mortgage and his half and forget my course.
Is the judge gonna help me and my 3 children?
I have a friend who is interested in buying my house to cover my mortgage, but its our home and where will we go?
I will never be able to buy again!

Get further legal advice to the extent that if he won't pay the mortgage, he doesn't get as much equity; talk to the CAB to make sure you are getting all the benefits you would be entitled to.
Unfortunately this is the one option available to shitty men: get a really low paid job or stop work to avoid paying maintenance.

Mind you, it's not that important to own a house. If you have 3 DC and not much income, you'd be a reasonably high priority on the council housing list, ask the CAB about that too.

hi happyhappymummy my situation was different from yours in the sence i only have 1dc and i didnt own a home only private let but i did go to college as i was the same as you couldnt keep my job as childcare was costing me more than i was earning, all colleges will be different so its important that you speake to a financial advisor from within the college your going to, because i was a student i didnt pay council tax i also got housing benefit(not full but it for sure helped) and then i lived off my tax credits and student loans,
there is also things available called discretionary funds within each college i never applied for any of these but i no they help people who are still struggling financial so phone and speake to the financial advisor and that way at least you will no for sure where you will stand financially but it will be more benificial for you to go to college if you can afford it, good luck

solid.. thanks I have checked all benefits etc. Yes he seems to be in a better position now. Really you think its no big deal? I feel like it is and I dont know why! I have people saying oh you have to try and keep it! Or I would feel so gutted if I lost my home! I live in a small village and honestly the council estates are awful.
savy.. Hi hope your course went ok and well done :) I knowif I rent I will get help, but not for my mortgage, well capital anyway.
I will ask at the college next week thanks.

If you work you should be able to claim tax credits which will include 70% of the cost of childcare. There are also some government schemes to help people who are really at risk of losing their homes - your local council shoudl be able to help you out.

Thanks I cant go to college and work though.
Not sure which way to go! I will askthe council about that though!

If you want to keep the house then you need to work asap. The further into arrears you go, the less likely it is that you can keep it. You need to make sure that the mortgage is signed over to you as part of the divorce settlement seeing as you are paying the mortgage & have the children.

The course option would give you more flexibilty in the future but hairdressers are poorly paid so you may not end up much better off?

Thanks RedHelen.. Iv got a friend coming to look at property, looked promising but she claims her brother bought a house exactly like mine for £0k less. I have explained I will accept exactly what I owe. I dont expect to walk away with anything, just walk away without debt so agreed on knocking 10k off. She knows my situation and says it would be better if they could help me out before the bank has it. We all kno re possession knocks thousands off. I was kind hoping it wouldnt go down that root.
Im then gonna move in with parents for a year so I can do my course.

Have you had your house valued by an estate agent? Don't sell to your friend before doing this.

Have you thought about other ways of raising money to help you keep your house? How about renting a room: www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/Taxes/TaxOnPropertyAndRentalIncome/DG_4017804? Just a thought.

Good luck

I would work. I separated from my stbxh nearly a year ago and have 4dc. I work 24 hours a week and will be starting a college course in September which is part time, one evening a week.

I would forget hairdressing personally, it's not a high earning job, and see if there is something else you can do that you can also work whilst doing it.

It is very hard making the right choices but if you want to keep your house, I think that's your best option.

Make sure you don't have to pay your ex out anything as well. Legally I think you do if his name is on the deeds.my friend ended up having to pay her ex even though he hadn't lived there for years.

I meant her brother bought the house for 30k less than mine. Sticky keys.
lilbreeze.. yes I have its valued at 147,500
mothermirth.. I have 3 children and its a 3 bed. 16, 6 and 4 my 2 youngest share and my eldest has the box room and its smaller than the average box room. If there was room I would def consider this. Thanks.
justabout.. Im worried this is the case
Fate..Well done you! I dont know what else to do, I have no qualifications. No experience of anything, Im 35 this year. Im not in a good position for a well paid job. My plan was to qualify and go on to teach one day or freelance. Even if I did this part timewhich Im not sure they do this Iv got to find work. I would have to be on a very good wage to pay my mortgage as I wouldnt get help and I would be paying the ex's half and he pays me 9.98 a week maintainance. Im not sure what else I could do at college?
Allthese.. There is nothing to give him anyway. Yes if there was money to be made he would get so much. This is what I worry about its me working and studying to pay for his mortgage too. Then in years to come he gets a lump. I wouldnt mind if he helped out and had the girls 50/50 for me to work and study but he isnt prepared to do this.
Thanks for all of your help :)

Can you just put it on the market and see what (if any) offers you get? It's hard to see how you can manage to pay he mortgage otherwise, and far better to sell than be repossessed.

Talk to your bank - if you need to sell it there are ways they can help you sell it properly on the open market - it doesn't have to get to repossession.

Letting your friend buy it for knock down price would be silly - if it does come to repossession the worst possible outcome would be the bank take the house and you walk away with nothing (ie exactly the same as what you're suggesting if your friend buys it). You wouldn't have debt to take away once you've lost the house - the bank would take the hit if the house actually sells for less than you owe them. But it's also quite likely that you'd manage to sell it for a bit more, and have a little bit of equity that would at least help you start out renting somewhere else.

There are also some schemes that local authorities run where if you'd otherwise be going to them saying you're homeless they will sometimes consider buying your house and letting it back to you - so worth asking.

lilbreeze.. This has made me think and Im going to put it up for sale, see if we can get an offer. Thanks :)
purpleroses.. I guess I was just panicking and thought its a buyer as they are hard to find. Houses arnt selling. Oh I see. Im not very good with undersatanding how it works. I thought they would sell it for less and then I owe them the remainder. Like they sell it for 20k less then I owe them 20k?
If thats the case I dont have anything to lose by staying and trying to sell. I suppose the arrears would mount though! So I would have to sell pretty quick as theres no equity.
Ok I will ask about that.
Thanks :)

Hi happy, my position's a little different but I am also a single mother. I agree with the poster who said aim for a high paying job. As a mature student, you could go to uni even if you have no A levels. Or, you could pick a career like accountancy or law where you can qualify on the job (eg via legal executive training then as a solicitor) - both are highly paid and you could earn while you learn.

Re your house, I know you say you have checked all the benefits but do you qualify for help with your mortgage via the Support for Mortgage Interest scheme?

Scroob.. I wish I could but Im not very academic! Left with no qualifications and honestly couldnt study anything so intense. I wish I could.
I dont know how someone will employ me whilst on the job otherwise i would jump at that chance.
I thought hairdressers were well paid once freelancing.
I have my int paid but cant get anything else, to pay the capital. I have tried. I will look at that link though thankyou :)

Just my opinion, but I think you should go for the hairdressing course no matter what it takes. That's what you want to do (so the pay may not be the best but that's where your heart is which counts for a lot) and you have long term goals and you were looking forward to it!
It is a bit scary getting out of the housing market. I sold my house last year and went into a private rental. I also feel that I will probably never own my own home again with the way things are but I still don't regret doing it as it was right for me (and DS) at the time. You are still relatively young and you don't know what is around the corner. I think if you embark on the hairdressing course now you are building for a happy future but if you take a dead end job to pay the mortgage you are heading for years of boredom and struggling to make ends meet.

tripletipple.. Thanks :) Yes I think its what Im meant to do. I did my level 2 before the children. Im not sure how much they earn, I just think everyone needs a hairdresser and I would one day like to teach, If not then try and make it worth while.
Im glad things worked for you and yes its true its whatever works for you at the time. My mum keeps telling me this. You never know whats around the corner and its true. Just scary I guess!
This is what worries me dead end jobs. Iv always done what I had to do when married and I feel as my youngest starts school sept its my turn to do what I want.