Helping DD come to terms with her Dads remarriage?

[PlainClothed]

DD's dad is remarrying later this year and DD (11) is struggling with the issue of the broken promises that he and I made to each other and that he is now going to make to his fiancée.

I'm trying to help her as much as I can - does anyone know of any books or websites that we could look at together?

Not much help from me I don't think, except that I would just like to chip in and say that I can see your DD's point... she's not wrong is she?

I'm not sure what sort of 'help' you're looking for? Do you think that she's actually deep down bothered about more practical aspects like her relationship with her dad once he's married again? Or that it means you definitely won't get back together? Or do you just think it's that she's got an enquiring mind and becoming cynical about the concept of marriage? Because the practical things can be discussed and (to an extent) dealt with, but the last point is something that plenty of adults might ask....

Hope all is ok for her x

Why is she sure that her father is going to break his promises to his new wife?

I guess it's about helping her to understand that people make mistakes but still deserve a second chance. That maybe (hopefully at least....) her dad's learnt from what went wrong the first time and is wanting a chance to try again and do better.

And also seeing that a marriage that ended in divorce in the end, doesn't necesarily mean that the vows weren't meant sincerely at the time.

But at the end of the day, you don't have to defend him completely - I think you can say to an 11 year old - that you're not entirely sure he'll do any better this time round (if that's how you feel) but that you nevertheless hope it does work out for him. Agree that your DD sounds very mature to be concerned about the vows - many kids would just see it as a big party I think.

I think kids don't always appreciate that adults, sometimes at least, go on changing and learning during adulthood. They think that once you're a grown up you should have everything sussed, but we don't always, do we?