kids need more contact

[bubbles1510]

I am a resident parent of my 2dd (with a resident order in place) Ex has a good contact order, agreed by us both, it has taken 3 years and many many teething problems, incl an attack at handover, however, we have been in a place for around 7 months of good contact, the children enjoy going, we are both flexible around the order with meeting different clubs, we swap days etc.Basically we have now reached a point where we both work simply towards the children and they are happy and secure in both homes with good relationships with us both.

The only problem I know have is that my eldest feels she doesn't see her dad enough - example was on mothers day the children were supposed to come home on the sat tea time, however neither girls wanted to do so saying that they don't see dad very often, I agreed and collected sunday morning so as to facilitate the time with dad.

Basically they are only seeing him every other weekend fri - sun, he can have mid week contact but says he cant afford it (cant drive so uses train and bus) and my eldest I know is feeling the gap and struggling in it being too long.

He does phone once a week, but it isn't enough for her ( she has always been a daddy's girl) how do I approach him with a sensible solution to the contact ensuring that we are sensible regards travel ( I cant afford to do it all) and meeting the girls needs and that of our own eg work commitments etc?

any help advice appreciated xx

As Karen Woodall once put it, letting the children to decide about contact is like breaking someone legs and then ask the what shoes they would like to wear.

You both are working wonderfully to provide the flexibility the children need and as much time with each parent as both parents can manage and afford. Don't ruin that fragile but fantastic balance you have at the moment by allowing the children to push for a contact routine neither of you may be able to manage as nicely as you currently do.

Let the children be children, don't let them go all the way up in the hierarchy to call the shots about this. If she wants more contact she can always ring him on the phone, but do not try to push the other parent into further contact as this may be misunderstood and ultimately backfire on everyone involved. At the end of the day, if you have gone through an attack during handover you know how valuable this "peace" is not to disturb it.

But don't feel you are letting your child down. If you were still married and you or your ex were working away or working shifts, the children wouldn't have much of a say on how often they see each parent, they will need to accept that things were as they were and that was the end of story.

Bubbles you have my full sympathy. DS wanted more contact esp as XH cut back his mid week night to every 2nd weekend. I wish I'd had piglets great answer.

As time goes on (we're 8 years on) peace does become the most important thing. Good luck!

I think it depends on the impact on your dd and you have to be the judge of that i.e it could impact her in other areas of her life, sleep, school etc. Age is also an factor. In our experience Dss's mum moved away when dss was 5 so contact with dad (my dh) was every other weekend. It distressed dss significantly and he became very anxious, tearful and clingy which impacted school. Dh moved to be closer to dss and his ex agreed higher levels of contact which has been a great benefit to dss.

I would suggest you speak with your ex but as you mention DV that makes the approach difficult. If there was a way that you could make contact happen more frequently but without risk then I think you should try to make it work.