Moving to Rugby - advice please

[rugbydent]

Hello,
Finally, after 3years of emotional turmoil, DH and I have decided that I will move out with DS1 (12) and DS2 (8) in July. We?ve really tried, but I can?t keep up the pretence and the stress of pulling off the ?arrangement? (living together but leading seperate lives) is a daily struggle. I find myself becoming resentful and bitter. I really can?t go on like this ? I have to think about my kids? well-being and my own. I?ve explained all to DH and so far, he?s being very understanding, BUT, and this is a very BIG BUT, we come from a very big South Asian extended family, and when we tell his family, they will try and punish me in any way they can (cultural issues - family honor, shame etc).

We aim to have an amicable separation with hard ground rules that we will both stick to. It will be harder for DH because his parents will try to hurt me and manipulate the kids.

It?s such a daunting thought of living life on my own, and leaving all the home comforts/ social acceptability etc, and I'm sure that is what has kept me here for so long, but I have just got to the point where I can't go on any more.

I?ve started researching schools and houses in the Rugby area and would appreciate any advice about the area, where to live, good schools, (no go areas), etc.

DS1 will start Year 8 in Sept and DS2 Year 4.

It?s incredibly hard and overwhelming. I really hope someone on these threads can help and advise on good schools. big breath

Thanks, Rugbydent

try posting in education for the advice on schools.

are you moving away from h's family? are they in Rugby too or somewhere else?

I'm fairy near Rugby, in Leamington Spa.

I know there are some pretty dodgy areas of Rugby, so hopefully someone more local will come and give you more detailed advice, but my friend lives on the Admiral's Estate and that seems okay. I think Bilton is one of the worse areas, but I've never lived there myself, so not entirely sure.

Are you looking for state or private schools? There are a couple of grammar schools if that interests you, one is all-boys and seems like your typical all-boys grammar school (Lawrence Sheriff) and the other is mixed sex, but I don't know much about it.

I have a lone p friend in central Rugby, she seems happy and where she is has a nice community feeling but I don't think she's thrilled with schools ...
Bertie, Rugby High is still single sex, girls only. So y, 2 grammar schools, Rugby High and Lawrence Sheriff, and then there's Ashlawn, fairly large comp in Hillmorton with a grammar stream. It has a good rep (friend teaches there). Don't know a lot about primary schools, I think you might need to visit a few op? do you have friends you can stay with? I've heard good thing about The Paddox? sp? in Hillmorton, I think you'd have to be well within catchment tho as like everywhere school places get snapped up ...

Would Southam be an option, BTW? It's very close by and a much more family friendly place to live if you are looking in the area. It's close to both Rugby and Leamington Spa, the primary school is excellent, and there is a youth club. Most likely a lot less opportunity for young people to run into trouble, here.

It is well-served by the bus route which runs to both Rugby and Leamington, Leamington has lots of schools including Trinity Catholic School and North Leamington which is great. There's also Warwick Boys' school if you're looking private, and the grammar/private schools in Rugby, and Southam College is the local state secondary school which also has good results. It's close to Warwickshire College if he wants to go there when he gets to 6th form level, which has loads of options for courses, I really recommend it if he knows what kind of direction he wants to go in by that age. Some of the schools offer links with Warwickshire College at GCSE level as well.

Rugby is probably cheaper in terms of housing, but Southam is a lot cheaper than Leamington, Warwick or Stratford.

Blackeyedsusan - I am indeed moving away from ex-h's family - it'll be an hour's drive from Rugby to where we live now. The moment we tell his parents they will try and punish me in any way they can. My position here is untenable, but surprsingly, ex-DH is being supportive. This is a compassionate seperation, but it's also one helluva risk,moving to an area and new environment where we don't know anyone and he quite rightly worried about the impact on the children. I have researched several schools and will make appointments with Lawrence Sherrif and Rugby. Althought, with the latter, I will not be able to afford the fees required, so I will enquire about their bursary scheme. What are the changes of getting a pupil starting in Year 8 in Sept 2012? I really want to try and make the transition into a new school as smooth as possible. DS1 coped remarkably well when he started his current secondary school, and ideally, I should've moved this time last year, but I was talked into giving the 'arrangement' yet, 'another go'.

BertieBotts - thanks for your post. Ideally, I'd like to avoid the no go areas in Rugby. I'm open to the idea of state and private, so I think I'll call Lawrence Sherrif, Ashlawn and Rugby School tomorrow. What about Bilton Community School? I've heard mixed things about it. It may be the only school that can offer any places - eek - which leaves me with little choice...

Ninah - I have no friends in the area. Leaving most of my extended family behind, because once they're aware of my plans to seperate, as far as they're concerned I'll be an outcast - sigh. I've been able to make plans on a much firmer footing: promotion at work; I get to work from home 3 days a week and 2 days commute to London; get to manage my own diary to work around childcare, etc. I'm in a very fortunate position, but I have to ensure my DS1 and 2 get into a good school. I'm just worried about the Year 8 intake - i'm not sure of the admissions policy. I'm sure the popular schools will say they're full, but if I was to find a house within the catchment does this mean they'd have no choice but to offer him a place? I'm really pretty clueless to this and I'm working hard to find out more information.

Al your advice and guidance has been superb. Thanks so much.

BertieBotts - I haven't considered Southam, because I want to be able to walk or commute to Rugby station easily for the days I'm working in London.

Southam sounds ideal though, so I'll definitely look into it. What about Clifton-upon-Dunsmore or Dunchurch? They sound very much like they offer village-life, and I'd love to be able to raise the boys in a safe and welcoming environment.

Thanks again for taking the time to post a message. This move suddenly feels real and I just want to be able to make the right decisions when it comes to important matters such as good schools and areas to live in, so all your guidance is really helpful :)

I think the LA is required to find your children a school place if you are moving due to DV, but it may not be in the school you would choose...

I would avoid Bilton School if you can. I've only ever heard bad things about it. I was at college in 2004-07 though, so it might have changed since then. It's hard when you can't visit an area in advance to check out the schools. I think Southam College would be likely to have places and although it's not an outstanding school, it's good, and it doesn't have the problems Bilton does.

Thanks BertieBotts. I will make an appointment with Southam College too. I'll keep you all posted with developments.

Southam is probably better for commuting, because you can get a bus directly to Leamington train station which has a direct line to London and is usually cheap - £25 return when I went recently. It would depend which station in London you need though, obviously. One of the London stations you can get a train from Rugby for £27 return.

Southam is odd because it's like a small town in size, but seems quite village like in operation, in that people all tend to know each other. It's fairly accessible, but a lot easier if you can drive - you wouldn't be able to walk to any of the nearby towns. As far as buses go there is the 63/64 which runs alternately every half hour to Leamington (both) or Rugby (only 64) from 7am to 7pm, and the 65/66 which runs to Leamington(both) and Banbury (only 66) every hour alternately from 6.30am until 6pm. The bus company is stagecoach if you want to look up the timetables, or they're on traveline.info.

I don't know much about Clifton or Dunchurch, sorry.

Clifton and Dunchurch are both nice villages with good primaries. Bit of a drive from the station though, and it would be a drive to secondary school. If you want to be closer to the station/town, then Hillmorton would be the best option imo. Family area, and Ashlawn school is right there, plus it's walkable to Lawrence Sheriff.

I thought Southam College was outstanding now? not sure. Friends with children there seem v pleased. New head a couple of years ago. Am personally not keen on the town though. Agree avoid Bilton.
Dunchurch primaries great but agree with Bue about commute, traffic into Rugby can be a pita.

oh, and good luck with everything op! it's daunting but you sound v capable and I bet it won't be long before you are all settled.

Rugby School takes admissions in year 9

Lawrence Sheriff is oversubscribed, as you would expect being top of the league tables, but if your ds is bright they do take transferees.

Ashlawn in a good comp, with a grammar stream - the house prices reflect that. Bilton and Avon Valley are less well regarded but they are by no means sink comprehensives. Another school perhaps considering is Harris

Clifton upon Dunsmore, I think, is going to have a bypass or something through it? There were protest signs up not long back anyhow.

Southam has a good reputation - very progressive.

Ah - I didn't know that. It was pretty average 7-8 years ago when my friends were there. So that's good :)

Hi there, I've just enquired with WCC. Places are available at Avon, Bilton and Harris school. Ashlawn offer 256 places, but are full with 259 pupils, which gives me some hope in that if I was to appeal (once i've moved to live within a mile of Ashlawn school - new catchment rules) then I stand a chance. Otherwise, I may have to settle for Bilton. It would be nice to talk to any parents that send their children to Bilton, as I'd like to get their views too. I just want to be able to make an informed decision.
Paddox is full in all years. Again, I could appeal, but I may have to consider a different primary school.
On the application process, I cannot apply until I have my tenancy agreement in place.
I've also enquired with LSS grammar school this morning and I'm waiting to hear back.
Hope to visit all schools next week, so I'll let you know how I get on.
Thanks again for all your support.

I will warn you that a friend moved to Rugby after being abroad - and the two children where offered schools in leamington - some 15 miles away. The school was a good one but it was the distance and the fact her dd's wouldn't have local friends

Ivykaty22 - Oh my, that's terrible. How did she cope and when did she move to Rugby?

I want the DC to have local friends, to go to the local library, rely on a local childminder without the stress of travelling a great distance to school. It just wouldn't be feasible, so now I am seriously contemplating a place at Bilton, if that's what I have to do to secure a place at a local school in Rugby.

I do hope it's a friendly and welcoming school, because it's going to be a pretty daunting experience for a Year 8 boy.

I'm feeling even more anxious about this now...fingers crossed it all goes smoothly.

Bilton is a very large comp, its intake is not as leafy as Ashlawn's (no surprise to hear it is oversubscribed - it's Ofsted rated outstanding and it's considered the best comp). Bilton takes from the nice parts of Bilton, Cawston Grange but also some run-down estates off the main road in Bilton too. As always with comps like this it can be very dependent on the dynamic of the actual class your dcs end up in. It's reputation nose-dived because of a weak head but that was about 8 years ago and matters have improved afterwards. But have a look at Harris too which is a much smaller school. Parents who don't want their child to go to Bilton but fail the 11+ and can afford to send their dc to Princethorpe. LSS has a very open intake for the 6th form so your ds could transfer post GCSE. Leamington Spa is much nicer than Rugby btw (nice shopping/restaurants/more cultured) and if all things were equal I'd consider moving there, but Rugby is fine.

sorry didn't want to upset you, this was two years ago.

FashionEaster - you're absolutely right about the dynamic of the class. I think that's partly to do with why he is thriving in his current secondary school. I've booked appointments to view all three: Ashlawn, Bilton and Harris. Also hoping to rent a property available on the market on Richmond Road which is a mile from Ashlawn School.

IvyKaty44 - don't apologise. I need to be able to hear about people's experiences and opinions as it's such an important decision to make.

Thanks again for your replies.
RD

was on phone ealrier - the friend moved into leicestershire way and then moved into HM after one year as she felt isolated, HM is just near to AL school and they live 5 minutes walk - they had to appeal to get the dc into the school but somehow they did manage and now all is well.

Op can I ask why Rugby?

Why not Lspa near the station or warwick near the station? I am biased though

OP, of those three choices I would look at Harris.

To those wondering why not Leamington, she works in London, so Rugby being 48min by train to London is obviously the reason.

I know she works in London - just wondered why a few minutes would matter? As living close to the station in either of the other towns would still knock time of the commute so it could be swings and roundabout on time from either town. Though schools would not be such an issue as it seems to be in Rugby.

What's the London time from Leamington?