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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

husband left and now only wants to see son 3 hours a week

12 replies

mrshess · 18/04/2012 21:44

Brief history
Husband had affair in 2008, i took him back after 3 months even though for the 3 months he hardly saw son and was unreliable.

Now left me for another woman a week ago and has proposed to see son mon,wed,thu for an hour as he works through the day and at weekend he has a hobby where he goes racing pretty much every weekend (this woman does it too) so he can only see him for about 3 hours a week

This really is taking the piss right i just think why bother and if my son didnt love him so much i would stop contact as he could see him at weekend he just chooses to do his hobby.

What do other people think?

OP posts:

curiositykitten · 18/04/2012 21:47

That's shit, I'm sorry :( What a waste of space he seems.

I'd tell him he could pick up your son after work on a Friday and drop him back on a Saturday before he buggers off to have 'his own life'.

I'm afraid I'm not entirely reasonable, tbh, and would probably say if he turns that down to shove any contact up his arse, and see him in court!

Original poster

mrshess · 18/04/2012 21:49

the reason he cant have him friday is because he travels to whereever he is going at weekend fri after work.
I knew he was taking the piss but i wanted it confirmed

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 18/04/2012 21:54

An hour three times a week? Has he mistaken your son for a sunbed - you know, you put a little bit of time here and there and you get a lovely rosy glow?

Wanker.

Right - well I would point out to the pillock that he is a parent. The point of contact is to allow him to parent his child. Three individual hours a week won't even allow him to get past 'hi how was your day' He needs to put his child FIRST and himself second or not bother at all.

I hope you are pursuing him for every penny you can extract btw.

duchesse · 18/04/2012 21:55

I really suggest you arrange a formal contact arrangement. Sounds like not so D ex just wants contact when it suits him. He needs to understand that he has a lifelong commitment to his DS. (Incidentally I would caution you against using your DS as a pawn and withdrawing contact- he needs to see his father unless the man is actually abusive to him)

It sounds really shit for you, sorry you're having to deal with all this. You both have to behave like grown-ups though.

Original poster

mrshess · 18/04/2012 22:00

duchesse i know im not using son as a pawn as my son loves him but im wondering if he is going to do the same as 4 years ago just pretty much let him down all the time, i even think he doesnt want to see son so he can get on with his new life

OP posts:

eternalscot · 18/04/2012 22:02

Really that is just interference in your life. Every second weekend for the whole weekend, parents need to make sacrifices! Then he can decide how commited he is too being a father.

duchesse · 18/04/2012 22:17

I think that's why it's even more important to get contact arrangements in black and white and make sure he has him overnight on a regular basis.

MrGin · 18/04/2012 22:30

What a selfish prick.

I agree he needs to be told he's out of line.

Just keep in mind though that a court order is no guatentee ( sp ! ) he'll actually adhear to it. Sadly.

I hope for your dc's sake he does.

curiositykitten · 18/04/2012 22:35

See this is what I hate. It is sooo easy for a woman to stop a father from seeing his child, but there's absolutely Fuck All that can be done when a woman wants the father to have involvement in the child's life.
I feel so sorry for your son :(

FannyBazaar · 18/04/2012 22:40

If my ex proposed this, I would be delighted. Of course, it would depend on the whole timing of it. How old is your DS? What time is he proposing to see him and how does it impact on your life?

For me, if the one hour was straight after school, that would be fabulous, it would mean 3 less afternoons at After School Club thus saving me money and meaning more quality time for DS. If it was after After School Club, then that could still work, I'd have time to get my hair done after work or go to the supermarket etc, it wouldn't be as goof for DS though as he would go from school to After School Club to Ex to me, too many changes or care in one day to be good on a regular basis.

What is more important is if he is consistent with his contact, if he lets you and your DS down or makes last minute changes that can be a pain. Better to have 3 hours during the week than promising weekends and not doing it because he really wants that time to himself. I would love to have fixed contact so I could plan around it. My ex sees DS when he remembers to request contact and we are free, usually for a day or half a day, no more often than once a fortnight but sometimes very long gaps in between.

struwelpeter · 19/04/2012 13:30

As ever, it is your DS whose needs come first not some sodding hobby or whatever else his dad puts ahead of his parental responsibility.
Come up with suggestions that would work for DS and for your family life (stuff you have to do ie work/shopping that are of clear benefit to DS).
Set forward suggestions then leave it up to the ex to grow up.
Such a short period (unless DS was tiny) isn't even enough for even a MacDonald's dad. for you and especially for your DS who comes a poor third in his Dad's list of priorities

exmrs · 19/04/2012 16:58

My son is 5, i had a huge bust up on the phone with ex over this today, he has said it wont be every weekend when he is away (it will be 3/4 weekends he wont be here) but he still wont commit to dates at weekend he has just said if my son is at his mums (son usually goes on a sat) then he will see him at some point.
I replied id like to know actual time and dates and he said its nothing to do with me.

I should add my son does have some additional needs and doesnt sleep well or adapt to new sitautions well, i have tried various after school clubs,childminders to try and work but he cant cope with it so i feel im stuck on benefits unless a job comes up within schooltimes.

I dont know how im going to pay the rent as the rent is more than the local housing allowance,

Can anyone offer any advice on a separartion agreement?

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