Single & pregnant- Tips wanted

[KathrynWales]

Hi everyone. I am currently 21 weeks pregnant and going it alone. (I already have a daughter of 15).
Have decided to write a book on the subject and would love to hear (for my own situation & for the book) any anecdotes / tips on how you may have coped being pregnant/giving birth/looking after a new baby on your own.
Anything humourous, useful or any problems you may have encountered very welcome!

Kathryn

split up with dd father when pregnant he wasnt interested in pregnancy at all and finally left when i was 8 months! has pre eclampsia and all my family lived other side of country found it hard as friends were pregnant at same time as me and had doting dads around gave birth on my own and spent a very miserable christmas day in hospital, everyone else had family dads etc with them and all my friends were busy with own lifes, got really upset about little things like no flowers and i didnt have a balloon!! first nihgt at home on my own was terrifying i dont think i slept!! after 6 weeks ex turned up to tell me he had met someone else and was getting married whilst i was getting dd ready for one of her many hospital visits perfect timing, would say 2 years of single mother hood has made me a really strong person i dont have time to mope around feeling sorry for myself i just get on with it have spent most of last 2 years in and out of hospital with her worst was meningitus scare when i nearly lost her think that was only time i wished i had some support but a selfish part of me is glad i havent had to share her with anyone else she is all mine!! always get told what a credit she is to me and what a good job i do get fed up at i dont know how you do it erm i dont have a choice and i dont know any different its been hard but i wouldnt change any of it for all the money in the world

nulnulcat, you really did have a rough time and sounds like you've done fabulously!
I was about to post that ime being a single mum has probably meant my friends & family have rallied around me more than they would have. - all my close friends were in the waiting room while i was in labour, my parents were very very involved for the first month or two (i stayed with them).... but I guess that could be only lucky old me. (My dad thought that if i had had a partner people would have stayed away more because it's a "family" thing.) I am so grateful for all their help, and I couldn't have done it without them so hats off to you nulnulcat and everyone else in similar situations.

kathryn, as well as tips etc are you planning to include stories from mothers? i think i would have liked to read how other people felt. i always felt like i was making such a big fuss when i thought about friends i know who seemed to have sailed through single pregnancy. it was only after some drink fuelled girlie nights much later on that we all actually realised it wasnt easy for any of us. some of the strongest women i know admitted to being a wreck.

right now i would like tips on keeping a house clean with a toddler attached to my leg. its impossible during the day and by the time she's in bed i feel worn out and like i need some ME time.

i have learnt one thing though. theres no shame in asking for help. i was so stubborn to begin with. i wouldnt even take help if it was offered. silly really. i help a friend, she helps me. thats how we work now.

the most frightening thing being a single mum, for me is dealing with ill kids. ds had asthma and i admit its made me quite paranoid about dd too. just knowing theres no-one else there. noone to keep me calm! noone to tell me im just being over the top, whether i should call a doctor or not. the decision is mine and i hate it.

Hi Kathryn, your book is a great idea - I'd have loved to have read something like that! I got pregnant by someone who I knew would never stick around (and didn't!)so have been single from the off, my dd is now 13 months. Like Bourneville I found that friends really rallied round. One close friend was pregnant at the same time (her dd is 4 months older) and she and her husband have both been great. They live on the other side of the country but are always ready with advice, sending presents and visiting/inviting me to stay. And my single friends (most of whom are broody) have loved the chance to get really involved in a way they wouldn't if I was part of a cosy couple. I sort of feel like I have a foot in both camps!
That's not to say that it hasn't been really hard, and I do resent being so dependent on family and friends when I have always prided myself on self-reliance, but I know I've been very lucky to have such support.

I absolutely echo nightowl re the worst thing being ill kids. Luckily dd has only ever been really ill once or twice, but the panic that sets in is terrifying, and complete exhaustion too - you don't have a chance to recover yourself and however many friends & family you have to help generally, when they're ill it seems there is nowhere to turn. Ppl can't be there in an instant, or through the night, etc.

A big thank you to everyone...
Your comments have been great!

If anyone wishes to add anything or would prefer to send things confidentially then let me know, and I will give you my email address.

Am also looking for humourous anecdotes that you can now look back and laugh about. Whether it was the size of your tummy, your ex's incompetance, a comment your child came out with... Think it is very important to be able to laugh at life, espcially when things are difficult and getting you down!

Anyway, if I use any of your quotes, they will be credited to your nickname unless otherwise requested, to ensure no one can identify you. Mumsnet will not be mentioned.Will also let you know when book is out.

Incidentally, think you are all fantastic and I no longer feel alone !

Kathryn x

Hi would love to chat to about my very unlucky experiences but not here my email is [email protected]

look foreward to hearing from you