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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Dating and Safety as a Single Mom

10 replies

Darlingdamsel · 14/04/2012 19:34

Ok ...

I have a lovely little boy who is eight months old and I have been pondering about dating. The problem is that I am worried about the safety issue ...

Of course I want to believe that I can trust a guy and that I have good instincts. Its ok for myself, but the idea of getting involved with someone who puts my child in danger or does him harm ... I know this is crazy ... really worries me.

If I look at sites like 'single parent dating' for example would seem to be a perfect place for pedophiles to hang out ... or doesn't it?

Anyone shared my concerns and how have you managed it?

OP posts:

perceptionreality · 14/04/2012 19:39

Well, we all have to have some trust in the fact the person we're with is not a serial killer or sociopath or whatever. Although of course you will be protective of your child, I would not suggest letting a date meet your child until you trusted the person anyway. The issues are the same as for those without kids.

Oh and stay away from Plenty Of Fish!

ANTagony · 14/04/2012 19:45

I've been through it with two little boys who were 1 and 3 at the time. It worked for me I'm now married with the boys being 8, 6 and my daughter is 1. The important thing is that you are out to gradually restart your relationship social life the first step is obviously not moving in with someone. Its kind of walk before you run. I used to meet in the daytime for short periods for a coffee initially. Coffee shops in busy areas are good like shopping centres. You can get lost quickly in shops after if you don't want to be followed. I went on Match, amongst other sites, but I found the pay sites had fewer people out for a purely physical relationship. Second dates were typically lunch somewhere, maybe third or fourth meeting in the evening. I avoided situations that would involve alcohol or sharing transport, giving away my address, in the early days. I also brought a pay as you go mobile for contact with new people so as not to have to share my regular number. There are many lovely people out there. Not all looking for the same thing, but it can be fun to meet up with new people.

Do you have people nearby who will look after your DS for the odd hour here and there?

Original poster

Darlingdamsel · 14/04/2012 20:10

PERCEPTION. Thank you and I will Smile.

ANT - Great, detailed advice. I haven't worked out the logistics yet about how to meet and what do to with my little one in the process. I am sure if I ask around, people would be happy to help. Have to see I guess.

Anyone use the Single Parent dating websites? I find it strange that a guy without children would use such a site?

OP posts:

ANTagony · 14/04/2012 20:14

I belonged to single with kids which has meet ups but not specifically dating ones, plenty of fish ( avoid) and match. I felt a bit uncomfortable with the idea of single parent dating sites for the reasons you suggest.

perceptionreality · 14/04/2012 20:15

Yes, I see what you mean - why would someone register on a website for parents who already have kids if they don't?

I think the site that is often recommended on here is My Single Friend - have you tried that one?

Original poster

Darlingdamsel · 14/04/2012 20:23

Hi Perception - I have, but I feel a bit old for it as I am 40 and almost none of my friends have done internet dating (Sigh ... last one standing I guess).

I am glad you both agree regarding Single Parents ... I wondered if I was being a bit paranoid.

OP posts:

ANTagony · 14/04/2012 20:27

None of my friends have Internet dated either. Until you get to know them really well and find out they have dabled. It's very common, just not too openly talk about it.

Dip your toe in by having a look around the various sites. If you give them your email, or create a hotmail style one for the purpose, they usually send you some sort of free trial offer at some point down the line.

brightside23 · 15/04/2012 20:51

Single Parent dating sites share members with other sites. They are often run by Whitelabeldating. Therefore, YOU might join somewhere like singlewithkids but there will be members on there that you can message that are on other sites. You don't actually know that though until you actually talk to someone. Took me a while to discover!

The main thing with dating sites is to keep yourself safe by doing all the things that ANTagony said. Trust your gut instinct and meet in a public place and you'll be fine. Good luck!

MrGin · 15/04/2012 21:26

The only thing I can add is an anacdote from a female MN friend.

She said she went on to a few dating sites and mentioned she had kids.

She got a number of messages from guys asking questions about her kids which is really creapy.

She took that info off her profile but mentioned it relatively soon if she started messaging between with someone iirc

purpleroses · 15/04/2012 21:31

Really interested to read that brightside - I was on singlewithkids for a while and found it bizzare that so many of the men didn't have kids. I think that's a bit off of the website to run like that really - as you think you're joining the site to meet other parents, or at least people who don't mind you having kids, but you're not. But what you say makes perfect sense and explains why they didn't have kids!

I used Match - which is Ok and had lots of people on it, and Soulmates, where I met my DP. He has kids too. If you want to meet other single parents most sites allow you to search for people who have kids. And you can also see from their profile if they mind whether you do. Would second the advice you've already been given here and keep the first date casual - eg daytime coffee. You get to know the person well before you introduce them to your DS. I would also suggest pushing him to introduce you to some of his friends as early as possible - as it helps you get a better picture of who he is and if he's genuine.

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