I haven't been with my eldest little boys dad since he was 9months old, contact has always been sorted between ourselves and for a few yrs this was fine. Once ex got with his present partner 4 yrs ago things have slowly got worse to a point where he would txt me an hour before contact was due to start saying he couldnt have son knowing full well I had work and no1 else to have him. I have lost 2 jobs through this. Anyway I have 'tried' to always be civil and have always gone out of my way to enable contact ie if he couldnt do a certain day changing to another day. I have tried to get on with his partner, tried to use her as a go between for contact when things have got bad between me and him and have always done 50/50 with getting DS to him and him returning him. I have also had a really good relationship with Exes mum and take DS every tues before karate for an hour or so.
Up until 4 weeks ago ex was having DS every sat from football (id drop him off) and returning him sunday. Ex asked to have an extra night and this was agreed for one night from school. Ex got DS for this extra night for one week then txt to say they couldnt afford the travel and would have to drop back to one night a week, bearing in mind they had a new baby due the week after!
At this point I decided enough was enough and told my ex I wasnt happy, that he cant ask for days here and there and say he cant afford it when they are expecting a new baby which they need to buy nappies and milk for. Ex pays £12.50 maintenance pw and also comes near my house to see his mum and dad several times a week so to me he cant say they cant afford it esp having a new baby who they will need to provide for. I told ex that DS needs stability and consistency, i got alot of abuse and then he threatened to 'grass me up to benefits' something he has done 3 times already and openly admitted to! (Btw I have nothing to hide but have had to provide bank statements and childcare receipts to tax credits before now because of his actions).
I decided that I couldnt deal with him anymore and went to see a sol i offered contact on a 2 week rota being mon-wed one week then mon-tues the following week from school so we had no contact. Ex has refused this and asked for sat-sun (but he works sat night) with one extra day in a hol (this can only be a thurs as he may get a job that means he works other days and its the day his partner doesnt work so someone can have our DS?!?!?!) I agreed to the sat-sun if we could find a mutual 3rd party so i didnt have to see the ex and sed that in a hol sat-mon would be better for DS so that he has consistency and isnt coming home fri to go back sat. Ex has again said no and then provided a list (including my partner who has been involved in DSs life for 4yrs) of ppl who he wont allow to be a 3rd party. He has then sed that I need to find someone else who he trusts and that he will only meet this person in a location specified by him! He has also turned down the sat-mon in hols and is adament it can only be a thurs!
This week I had an argument with Exes mum who has started to become increasingly hostile with me (even tho in the past 4 weeks I have allowed her to take my DS to see their new baby) this has now prompted my ex to tell my sol i am harrassing his family and that if i contact any of his family again he is off to the police!!
He has also stated that he thinks I have been away leaving my DS with partner (something that my ex has known I have done in the past as we have been together 4years!!) and that he fears for my DSs safety!!!! (Me and partner have another child so Ex knows he can care for a child!!)
I just feel like I am being bullied into a corner and that if I dnt just agree to let him have DS on his terms that this could get even nastier. I genuinely thought/think that 2 nights toghether is best and that the way ex is behaving it isnt in our childs best interest that we see each other. I am also finding it upsetting that he is bringing my partner into this as in the past Ex has had full convos with my partner when hes had to take DS there for me. I dnt know what to do or where I go from here and have sol again monday!