New lone parent

[daffydowndilly]

My husband and I parted ways a few weeks ago, due to unreasonable/unstable behaviour on his part.

I live with two children under 5 in a rented home, no income as I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years. So far I have applied for housing, council tax, income support and child tax credits. Plus I have an appointment at CAB in a few weeks. I have seen a divorce lawyer too. Now, what else do I need to do? How do I get through this? All savings were spent by him, and we are not close to family. Although, once the school year is through I am thinking of moving closer to my family, which is a whole minefield of its own, but I can't afford to run this home on my own. He seems to be of the mindset of "looking after us" until I start getting benefits.... whatever that means.

Any pearls of wisdom from people who have got through this would be gratefully appreciated, it feels so overwhelming.

You seem to have it all covered, as far as I can see. But its a horrid time. I joined the LP brigade at the end of last year. One day at a time I think. Some days are better than others, but I'm having more days that are bearable now. People say you will be happy again. I am not there yet, but I can imagine a point where this might be true, and maybe that's true for you too.

Thank you ParsleyTL, I have to say marriage was so hard because of his issues, that I am feeling immensely happier, but definitely up and down days. It is hard to get rid of the what ifs, and hope and dreams. Well, I guess I just need to make new ones. One day at a time, small steps.

Yes, and its amazing what you re-discover you can do for yourself...check out the putting up shelves thread. I used to drive all over the country and he undermined my confidence so much, he used to drive us. I only drove if he wasn't there, but it meant he did all the distance driving. I used to be independent, and am finding I getting much of that back through necessity!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lone_parents/1448577-Pleased-with-myself

I have been so 'controlled' for so long, and so undermined, that I feel myself rediscovering myself at the moment, and it hasn't been long yet. It is exciting. A bit scary too, but mostly just good. I am so annoyed with myself that I let myself be so victimised, but in my case he has big issues including drink, so I wouldn't be the first to try and fix the situation by sacrificing myself. No more!! Mind the amount of emotions going through my head, it is like a tropical storm. Mostly sadness, for him. And calm for me.

He came round yesterday and was like a big child not a parent, messing about with the kids and watching tv. It is the first interest he has shown in seeing them in weeks, and told me afterwards that he was happy not to be their parent, but an occasional babysitter, as he had "personal interests/ development to pursue which they got in the way of before". My jaw dropped. What a prime idiot. And how tragic for him. The children are the most amazing people in my life and I cannot imagine thinking like that. Not that he parented before either, just came and did as he wanted, so not sure where the restrictions on his freedom came from. Probably just personal justification for abandoning them.

Hallo there, my partner who also has issues with drink and emotional abuse has moved out.

In some ways I am so happy, but in other ways I know exactly what you mean when you talk about the sadness that your hopes and dreams won't be realised.

I am struggling a bit also with other people and their seemingly perfect lives! I know it's not really like that, so am working to keep strong and concentrate on improving my own life.

Good luck- sounds like you are in a good place to move on from.