Psycho child in the making or normal?

[TracieB]

Hi there
I am looking for advice from you experienced people please.

My daughter will be 5 in June. My divorce is absolute although until the house sale goes through, again probably June, we all live together.

My daughter is aware that we are moving into separate houses and most of the time seems unfazed by this. She has even been to view the house I am buying.

The trouble is that not only is she becoming really hard to handle, for me not him, if she nows she has upset me she presses on harder and harder and seems to take great pleasure in trying to make me sad. She massively pushes her luck.

I don't know whether this is completely normal and I just need coping tips, or whether she will turn into someone who pulls the legs off spiders and wants to hurt things.

What do you all think?

Thanks

Not been there with one so young, my youngest was 9 at the time, but he became very difficult..think this is probably normal. Kids tend to hit out at the closest to them, which in most cases seems to be Mum.

I suppose the most obvious question to ask is whether this behaviour started during your break up or if she was already showing signs of this before? Has she seen your ex speaking to you like that or upsetting you and is possibly mirroring that? Perhaps she is also expressing her emotions through you as she's finding it hard to let her own feelings show?

Couldnt ignore because i have been where you are with DD who was 5 when me and her Dad split.

She became very difficult with me and as the years have passed got harder work. She's now 12 and a bit of a nightmare (understatement).

I'm not sure what i could have done differently to make things easier for her but i'm sure everyone on here will have some great advice. Its too late for us i'm afraid[busad]

I should add that she now treats her Dad with a total lack of respect aswell which in a terrible way makes me feel a tiny bit better

The one thing i would change is the way i spent those first months/years apologising to her for our breakup. I sometimes wonder if i gave her some sort of upperhand with my feelings by me feeling so guilty even though her dad screwed things up for us.

I think i should have been slightly more hard faced about things instead of soppy and apologetic. I pandered to her way too much and let her play us all off each other so did her Dad.

At least you know what NOT to do

I'm sure you are doing a fab job and she wont turn into a spider leg pulling teenager like mine[bugrin]

Sorry about the overuse of smileys but i love the easter ones!!!

Hi

Thanks for the responses, it is hard to tell whether this is normal for her age or whether it is as a result of the split. She has been like this since starting school, and my need for a a divorce came about at the end of July. So there is very little time between the 2 starting.
We have tried to be amicable throughout, well I certainly have. So she has not been exposed to screaming and shouting, just distancing.

I guess what I am mainly reading her is to maintain discipline and not let her get away with too much.

Thanks once again

T

TracieB, your DD sounds very normal to me. My DD is 6 and I split from her dad when she was almost 3. She pushes her luck, has an aversion to the word 'no' and can be a nightmare at times. But, I just keep on trying to be consistent in her punishments and we are making slow progress. She knows the consequences of certain behaviours, and I always follow through with the punishments. We then talk about what happened, why she had the punishment and she will say sorry for what she's done. Sometimes a little later she'll comment on the thing she did which was naughty and tell me she did it because she was angry or that she was frustrated with me saying no, or felt I was being unfair, or not listening. We talk really openly about things, and where I've been in the wrong, or over reacted, or maybe not listened or whatever, I'll tell her I'm sorry.

She is a strong willed, stubborn, very independent almost 7 yr old, and I wouldn't have her any other way . She keeps me on my toes but she also helps me be a better mum 'cos she can point out when I'm OTT and not give me a hard time about it, just says 'that's OK mum'.

Just have confidence in yourself and your parenting, and be firm when you need to be. I think I'm safe in betting that your DD is not going to turn into a psycho